1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Is it wrong to ask someone to wait for you?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Imsad, Jan 10, 2021.

  1. Imsad

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 10, 2021
    Messages:
    2
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    New York City
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I love my bf very much and he loves me too . We’re still teenagers (18&19) I work retail and for him, he signs in into work for a couple of hours and that’s it. He wants to get married and start a family or something close to that but I don’t want to start so soon because we’re both still living with our parents and we are not financially stable. Both our schedule doesn’t match up. When I’m free, he’s off to go do soak thing and when he’s free, I’m doing something . I really want this relationship to work but, is it wrong to ask him to wait until we both get a better paying job and is able to move out ?
     
  2. QuietPeace

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2020
    Messages:
    763
    Likes Received:
    400
    Location:
    Northern Europe
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I think that it is not just ok to ask but it is advisable to wait until you both are better able to support yourselves. You are both young, you have plenty of time to have a life together.
     
  3. Imsad

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 10, 2021
    Messages:
    2
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    New York City
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I agree . But he doesn’t understand that and it makes the relationship hard .
     
  4. resu

    Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 23, 2013
    Messages:
    4,820
    Likes Received:
    246
    Location:
    Oklahoma City
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    You are thinking wisely. I’ve seen too many friends who rush into marriages with kids and end up really struggling because that is very costly. Arguments over money is a leading cause of divorce, and several of those friends ended up single parents or even moving back with their own parents due to finances.

    It’s never too late to get married, so don’t feel pressured into it. Likewise, having kids later is not the end of the world because you will gain more experience and resources to support children.
     
    PatrickUK and LostInDaydreams like this.
  5. mlansing

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Oct 11, 2014
    Messages:
    347
    Likes Received:
    48
    Gender:
    Male
    In this case, no it is not wrong to ask him to wait as long as you are committed to him otherwise. There is no reason to rush into a marriage and family, especially at your age. If him wanting this so bad is making the relationship difficult, I would be wondering if he has ulterior motives.

    I know you really want to make this relationship work, but if you take the attitude that you’ll be ok if it doesn’t then I think you will be in a much more secure place on a personal level. You both are still quite young, and getting married is a big step that should feel like the next right step for both of you.

    Best of luck to you guys.
     
  6. silverhalo

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 22, 2008
    Messages:
    10,117
    Likes Received:
    3,252
    Location:
    England,
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    What are his reasons for wanting to do it right now?