Is it worth it to ask someone out

Hey aleshia,

I was raised pretty old school, so I'd do some hanging out before getting into dating. To answer your original question, "Is it worth asking someone out?" I'd say, if you want to date, yes. I don't think there's any trick to asking a girl out. I always start out with a compliment -- something simple like, "Hi, you're really pretty, you know." That pretty much always gets a nice warm response and an opening to keep talking. I sometimes make a little small talk, but sometimes just go straight to, "Would you like to go out sometime?" Pretty simple, and the worst she can say is "No." Just keep meeting people and asking, somebody's going to say "Yes."

Mandy

 

That's actually always the question: if they seem nice, well they might be a whole lot nicer. How would you ever know if you didn't give them a chance?

And practically speaking the first person you date is probably not going to be the last. So you're being reasonable to wonder about it. It's reasonable to say "get some experience."

So far as the asking, I think Mandy's advice is pretty good. This could mean outing yourself, so it depends on your environment.

It always looks like everyone else is always dating but really 16 is probably average to get started. That hasn't changed much.

 

True, the gap is big if your experience is zero and hers is anything. But she's still a normal person who hasn't got it all figured out yet. It wasn't so long (OK in teen years maybe) since she was in your position.

Of course you know what every person on here will say: if it matters to her then she's not for you. (You might say it to someone else too! Newbies give remarkably good advice on EC.)

 

Good for you. Its great that you know you want to have some fun and see how things go. Having "long term" ambitions when it comes to romance can lead to a lot of disappointment later on, which is what I found. I was always waiting for the ideal to guy to come along and form a friendship with him that developed into a romance, and that never happened, all I had was a load of unrequited crushes, and I missed out on a lot of fun experiences because I was basically craving a fantasy that was never going to play out.

So yes, it is worth it to ask someone out even if you don't know if there is chemistry there. It might turn out to be something great or it might turn out to be something not so great, but whatever happens, it will give you some experience and give you a better idea of what you might want in your love life later on.

So I would say, if you feel tempted to ask somebody out, go for it. Just try to be clear about your intentions, and keep it respectful. And be prepared for rejection, it is better to be rejected by someone than to go on never knowing if you had a chance with them or not.

 

Hey Aleshia,

I think both a movie and a cup of coffee are good first dates. Pick the movie carefully though, and if you do both, I think I'd do coffee after the movie -- you never know, you might want to talk for quite a while. If it were me (which it's not, but...) I don't think I'd mention coffee until after the movie. That way you can get a read on her mood. before suggesting stretching the date. I'm sending you the best of wishes.

 

Pick a nice girl movie where you can periodically inject, "Awww," and. "Isn't that sweet." etc. Also, scenes like that often present a good opportunity to reach out and take you're dates hand. The selection of the movie is really critical though, something that has at least a little romance in it, and probably no violence. Some comedies work well too. I don't know whats current, but some examples that come to mind are, An Officer and a Gentleman, Under the Tuscon Sun, When Harry Met Sally, You've Got Mail, Tootsie, Mrs Doubtfire, etc.

 

Skating sounds great. Lots of opportunities to hold on to each other. OK seriously, you've got us all hanging by a thread now. Have mercy on us and ask her out. And what Mandy said about holding hands. It never goes out of style.

 

Musicals are good -- you can end up singing all the songs together after the show. Skating would be good too, if it's something she enjoys -- as beentheredonethat said, lots of opportunities to hold on to each other, which is always nice. Depending on your style, dancing is also another activity that provides plenty of opportunity to hold on to each other. If you slow dance, you might even end up with someone's head on the other's shoulder -- always nice.

I'm in an older crowd than you, but I still remember those early days. My experience has been that most girls are pretty physical critters, and like things like holding hands, slow dancing, sitting close to each other, hugging, and yes, kissing. Maybe not kissing on a first date, but I have kissed many girls on the first date, with good results -- even had one girl swoon after a nice long kiss at a school dance; wasn't the first date though, maybe the third. if it doesn't happen before, the end of a date is a good time for a first kiss, even if it's just on the cheek.

Girls are so delightful. I kind of envy you being in a position where all this is new and fresh. Ask the girl out, have a good time, and if she seems to like you, don't hesitate to get romantic, not all mushy, just little things like taking her hand and touching it to your cheek, or brushing her cheek gently with the back of your fingers, or running your hand down her back (stop before you get to her fanny though -- save that for later, unless she rubs your back and ends up on your fanny). Second date, you could bring her flowers -- nothing big, just a few simple flowers, a formal bouquet would be overdoing it, but little things go a long ways. Maybe take 2 single flowers, one for each of you to wear in your hair. Don't put your flower in your hair till you pick her up (or meet or whatever). Start with the flower over your right ear, but if things go really well, switch it to your left (right means you are available, left means you're taken). Good luck, and most of all, have fun. Laughter is a good way to connect -- laughing together is a shared emotional moment (laughing is also very good for the soul and makes people feel good). I really am envious. I'll send you lots of good energy.

Mandy

 

This is so sweet..!! Would love to do that to my future girlfriend. I'm taking notes here.

 

They're not stupid questions hon. You've just got some people rooting for you, and we're all anxious to see you happy.

Hugs,
Audry Leigh

 

I'm a hopeless romantic. I've been an avid student of the female human animal since Kindergarten. I know what I like, and I have a very good idea what other girls (women) like. Of course I'm without a partner at the moment, so I don't know all the moves and tricks, or I'd have a gf right now. I hate being alone. I'm more than happy to share what I do know though. I'd say you could PM me any time, but you can't, so I just watch for posts that look like something I can help with.

Mandy