1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Is it too much to ask?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by AvatarRoku, Sep 7, 2021.

  1. AvatarRoku

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 29, 2021
    Messages:
    132
    Likes Received:
    15
    Location:
    Uk
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people

    I’ve just gotta keep marching on and hope for the best I think.

    your advice was very helpful and if you ever need any you know where I am. Not making any promises on the quality mind.
     
    CharlieLuca likes this.
  2. AvatarRoku

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 29, 2021
    Messages:
    132
    Likes Received:
    15
    Location:
    Uk
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people

    No need to apologise it long long in the past. And tbh I was never that close to him. (Hence mummy’s boy!) why does everyone seem to think it’s a choice? Like do we choose to get grief and go through the coming out process just for a laugh? Or are we simply just coming to terms with who we are!!!!

    the jokes could well be a coping mechanism I hope they are as that is much easier to accept. As for them being cruel they can be pretty close to that line. But I’m trying as you say to look at it in a positive way that it’s her adjusting.

    my mum openly asked me on multiple occasions if I’m gay and I’m ashamed to say I lied. Probably more to myself than her. So I don’t get how she’s shocked. But yeah lots of awkward moments over the years being asked what you think of “attractive” women. Just skirt round those questions!

    I believe your right. I do wonder if it’s control and shaming me cause all the jokes are made in that style. It’s also a style she has used in the past with other people.

    despite a few issues I do feel happy. Happier in years. Certainly freer like a huge weight has gone. Maybe not completely yet but a good chunk and despite there wishes I’m never going back to feeling like that so they gonna have to get used to it!
     
    #22 AvatarRoku, Sep 9, 2021
    Last edited: Sep 9, 2021
  3. AvatarRoku

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 29, 2021
    Messages:
    132
    Likes Received:
    15
    Location:
    Uk
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Going on holiday next week stuck in a lodge with the fam. This is gonna be fun :hushed:
     
  4. AvatarRoku

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 29, 2021
    Messages:
    132
    Likes Received:
    15
    Location:
    Uk
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Going on holiday next week stuck in a lodge with the fam. This is gonna be fun :hushed:
     
  5. CharlieLuca

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 4, 2021
    Messages:
    211
    Likes Received:
    48
    Location:
    The Milky Way
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Good luck. I'm sure it'll be better than you think. Stay Strong.
     
  6. AvatarRoku

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 29, 2021
    Messages:
    132
    Likes Received:
    15
    Location:
    Uk
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I think I might need it. Family now telling each other to not talk about me coming out. Think Its operation this never happened :joy:

    still the lodge has a hot tub so could be worse!!!
     
    #26 AvatarRoku, Sep 12, 2021
    Last edited: Sep 12, 2021
  7. CharlieLuca

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 4, 2021
    Messages:
    211
    Likes Received:
    48
    Location:
    The Milky Way
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Some people

    Aww that sucks. I'm sorry. Hopefully they'll come around.

    I do agree a hot tub is a good thing though lol.
     
  8. AvatarRoku

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 29, 2021
    Messages:
    132
    Likes Received:
    15
    Location:
    Uk
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people

    If they don’t I can always drown them in the hot tub. Kidding
     
  9. tidalpool127

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 19, 2021
    Messages:
    171
    Likes Received:
    73
    Location:
    United States
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Hey man. I'm sorry they are trying to ignore it. I think that is common though. So, I don't often mention this because I don't want to sound disrespectful to actual bi people but I told you I came out to my first person(my therapist at the time I was seeing for depression) at 21. And that is true, I first said I was gay out loud to another person at 21. However, I did come out to my parents at 19...I just lied and said I was bisexual. I was a bit confused back then but really I knew I was gay but I was too scared to say that. Anyway, my parents did that exact same thing until I was 22 and told them the truth. Ignored my coming out I mean. Didn't want to talk about it unless I wanted to talk about which women I liked(I did not). Told me not to say anything to my brother. So I get it. It sucks, but they are probably just processing it still. I don't know how your mom is like but my mom was a helicopter parent and liked to control every little thing I did growing up. I'm not saying it will be like this with your mom, but with mine she didn't really stop being mean to me about being gay until I moved in with my now husband at 24. Then I stopped returning her calls. I think once she realized she was about to lose her son unless she acted better, she did start to be more understanding.
     
  10. Rayland

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2021
    Messages:
    454
    Likes Received:
    119
    Location:
    Estonia
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    I have been keeping an eye on this thread, but haven’t said anything, since I don’t have any helpful advice for you, but I do hope your family come around eventually. They problably try to deny it for now and it’s their way to cope with it, what don’t make it any fairer to you. I hope everything gets better and you and your family can communicate better and work things out in your favour. Keep the faith.
     
  11. AvatarRoku

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 29, 2021
    Messages:
    132
    Likes Received:
    15
    Location:
    Uk
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    It doesn’t matter that you didn’t say I think it’s quite a normal step when being gay to hint or even say that your Bi. No disrespect to bi people or there similar struggles with coming out and acceptance but I suppose some how in our minds we think it’s a transition step easier for people to digest fancy both rather than the same sex. I think tbh it just shows how much we want to be accepted and our fear that we try to tailor our coming out and who we are to what others May or may not find easier to accept. Ironically us being who we are is being dictated by our need to be accepted yet I don’t know about you but it took me years and years to accept myself. Perhaps another reason why we lie or do come out in stages.

    I have been wondering if there not mentioning it waiting for me to or the just don’t wanna talk about it. Really just confused about it all today tbh.

    btw I really appreciate you telling me about you coming out to your parents as Bi. That must of been a hard time for you.
     
  12. BiGemini87

    Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 21, 2019
    Messages:
    803
    Likes Received:
    616
    Location:
    Pembroke, ON
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Sorry to hear your parent and family members in general are basically in denial about you being gay. It might take them a little more time process, but there's always a chance that this sets the pace for how they'll act from now on. Is it possible that you can talk to them about this during the family vacation? Just kind of sit down and without being accusatory or anything, explain how their reaction/denial makes you feel, maybe open things up for any questions they might have to alleviate any concerns or misconceptions.

    If you can or even want to, of course. I know it can be unnerving in those types of situations.
     
  13. tidalpool127

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 19, 2021
    Messages:
    171
    Likes Received:
    73
    Location:
    United States
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Something you said in your reply really got to me about tempering ourselves around wanting to be accepted and it keeps us from accepting ourselves that is very true. I wish I could say I've stopped doing that completely but I still do it with certain things about myself. Anyway, I would just give your family time. If your momma straight up asked if you were gay before she more than likely knew before you told her. You confirming it just probably made it "real" for her so she has to process. Just keep being you, she'll hopefully see soon that nothing has changed, it's still just you like you've always been.
     
  14. AvatarRoku

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 29, 2021
    Messages:
    132
    Likes Received:
    15
    Location:
    Uk
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    thank you for your support.

    to be honest I have been thinking the same thing that it’s time to tell them how I feel about it. I suppose I’m just putting it off I think because I don’t want to hear the things she’s feeling because despite her faults she is incredibly honest so she would say exactly how she’s feeling if I ask.

    suppose it’s just another time you gotta be brave and say how you feel.

    thank you again it certainly gave me some extra perceptive.
     
  15. AvatarRoku

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 29, 2021
    Messages:
    132
    Likes Received:
    15
    Location:
    Uk
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I don’t know where it came from to be honest but it felt so true writing it. I suppose it just shows we still need to keep working on ourselves.

    in other news I finally grew a pair and spoke to my mum while stuck in the lodge. And it went ok had a bit of an argument but do feel she is actually accepting of me. But I really don’t think she understands it at all. She kept saying I accept your choice which really ticked me off even saying you can’t say that. Even suggesting she looks it up. But all I got was what’s the point. Cheers for that mum.

    She just didn’t seem to think it was a big thing. Which is good I suppose but also seemed to think I was being a “drama queen” by saying I needed a some time to process the change and the huge amount of emotions that came with coming out.

    but I think on the positive side we have cleared the air and should hopefully have not more uncomfortable silences. Even if the understanding will never be there. But for that I guess I have the EC community :blush: