Hello everyone, So basically, I dated this guy for a year and two months before we broke up (a month ago). Long story short, he cheated on me 4 months before we broke up. Being the sweet guy that I am, I gave him another chance, because I really fell for him and loved him with all my heart, until recently before the break up I discovered he had ###### on, I started arguing with him and one thing led to another and I couldn't take this anymore, because I was hurt the first time. The thing is, in the end he was the one who broke up with me because I snapped on him and he told me that I got angry over nothing. I've helped this guy in many aspects in his life since I met him, mentally, physically, financially, emotionally... Hell I even was staying up all night to help him with his studies (and I usually go to sleep early). I've been so sad and down this month because we broke up, and the other day I saw him with someone else, I genuinely was so upset I wanted to cry, like we had just broken up for a month and he clearly doesn't give a damn. So, I remembered that I had bought him so many expensive gifts such as the most recent iPad, an Airpods max, a mavic mini 2 drone, louis vuitton boots, a gold necklase. my question is, is it rude of me to ask for these stuff back ? since he's clearly moved on, or am I crazy for doing so ? Note: I'm usually not the type of person who does these moves, but the guy was really rude to me and I couldn't be any better with him! I mean I'm sitting at home depressed and he's out there meeting other guys like nothing has happened !! Please advice people, Thank you
Tannie, the short answer is yes. Gifts should be given freely, with no thought of return. I get how it must hurt to see him happy so quickly, but the best thing for you would be to focus on yourself instead of dwelling on the past. There will be other guys further down the road. Good luck, Beth x
Personally I don't think it's rude given the circumstances, but I think it would be better for your mental health if you let things go. From what I've read, it's doubtful he'd agree to give them back unfortunately. Maybe be careful when buying guys expensive gifts in the future. It sounds like although you truly cared for this person, it was an unequal relationship the whole time, with you giving in a lot more than you got out of it. If someone lets you do that for them over an extended period of time, no matter their situation, I'd say that's a red flag. Please look after yourself and post as much as you need.
Thanks for the replies, actually now that you've said "unequal the whole time". Thinking about it, I was so blinded by his charm. Also, it's maybe crucial to mention that when he broke up, he said something like "I never really intended to get back" (after he cheated), that really killed me, because to me it sounded like he wanted to see what could he possibly squeeze more out of me (because he knew how much I cared for him and loved him). On one hand, he is such a manipulative person and turned out to be an asshole, but on the other hand I can't stop thinking about him and can't accept the idea of him being with someone else, even though I don't want him back. So, the whole thing of me asking about returning the gifts is kinda a way to get him back and I don't know how because he doesn't seem to care at all ! My head is messed up... OMG
Hey, to be honest I was worried that I'd said a stupid thing after I said that. I wouldn't want to make you feel worse, but I have a friend who's been through an almost identical situation to you. He's one of the sweetest, most caring people I've ever known, and I think the problem with that is it's easy for people who don't really care to take advantage. I know you feel messed up right now, and I know the way I said it was unequal the whole time might have sounded harsh and like a criticism of you. But it's not at all. People like you are, in my opinion, the best kind of people. You care so much, and obviously when things go wrong and when someone plays with your emotions you're going to feel an intense, almost indescribable amount of emotional pain. I've cared for people in a similar way myself, just been too broke to actually buy them gifts and too emotionally messed up to commit more in the first place, but I can empathise both from experience and from knowing somebody else like you. Like Beth says though, there are other guys out there. What may have been weaknesses for you in this relationship, and I don't mean personal weaknesses but weaknesses in the context of this particular relationship, can be such strengths with the right person. You seem dedicated, caring, and just a sweet and sensitive soul generally to be honest. You deserve so much more than this, and you'll get so much more than this in time.
I'm sorry to hear this has happened to you @Tannie. I have to agree with Beth on those things you bought him being gifts- things freely given with no expectation of getting them back. I say that as someone who has 'lent' money to a 'friend' in the past and lost it as it was taken as a gift. Unfortunately the best thing we can do in those situations is remind ourselves that the experience makes us wiser and more able to spot this kind of manipulative person in the future, and avoid them. Don't let it stop you being the kind and caring person you are though!
Thanks everyone, I appreciate the kind replies. It's gonna take me some time to get over him I think, but I will try to do so
