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is he just shy or is he straight or is he gay and just not into me?

Discussion in 'Anonymous Support and Advice' started by Anonymous, May 5, 2012.

  1. Anonymous

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    guy works at the front desk in security at my job. he is contracted by the security company so although he "works" at my job, he isn't really employed there. also, the security people rotate to other buildings on campus so i do not always see him.

    anyway, i think he is really attractive. he's older than me by possibly 10 years but im in my 30s so its no problem. he seems really smart and seems really conservative which i like actually. just seems like someone i would like to get to know more. it doesn't hurt that he is e-z on the eyes. lol. he may be closer to 50. i do not care. he doesn't look it and i get a really great vibe when i see him.

    we would always say hi to each other when i went to the elevators and passed by him. sometimes i would see him sometimes i would not and a month would go by because he would be at another station/desk at our office campus. this went on for about 1/2 a year. one time i couldn't take it anymore and so i asked him his name and formally introduced myself and he smiled and it was such a beautiful smile. our talks were more indepth after that but still surface because he was working.

    i couldn't talk to him too long because he was working so i did not want to get him in trouble. one day i gave him my business card and it had my cell number on it. i mustered up enough courage and gave it to him and told him if he wanted to hang out after work or something to let me know and we can grab drinks and it would be fun. he said sure and smiled. i thought i had finally met someone!!!

    but he never called. when i saw him after that he smiled a lot and looked me in my eyes (not lustfully but more like he was just happy to see me). but he never mentioned hanging out and the conversations were surface still. a lot of smiles but that was it. i never mentioned hanging again because i just felt i had already asked him.

    i didn't see him for a month and then when i saw him the next time, he i asked where he had been and he said he went on vacation overseas for a while and it was great. but he never mentioned who he went with or if he went solo. i kinda doubt that he would take a trip overseas solo so i just figured that he was seeing someone or in a relationship.

    well this went on and on (smiles and hi's and small talk). now when i see him, its almost like we're both smiling and happy to see each other. recently when i saw him he shook my hand and while shaking it he took his other hand and placed it over the top of my hand and kinda held it there for a while. i know when i was first trying to figure out guys, some gays guys told me that was often a "signal" that someone was gay and into you...that type of handshake. he didn't have on a wedding ring.

    i asked him if he still had my contact info and he said "yes" and smiled and went back to checking in employees at the security turnstyle. i just smiled and said goodbye and he smiled back. honestly, i kinda felt dumb for asking because he didn't say "yea i have it, we should hang out soon." he just said "yes" and smiled. it's been about 6 months since i gave him my card....I know i should just leave it alone, and i will now. but.....

    i guess my questions are:

    1. do you think it was clear to him that i was interested in him?
    2. do you think asking if he had my contact information was too pushy? i just wanted to respect his space and the guy is at work and plus if he is into guys, i did not want it to be obvious to his other coworkers or out him by accident. Do you think it sent a clear sign that I want to hang with him?
    3. after i gave him my card, instead of being surface and nice, he was even more nice and would stop whatever he was doing when i came toward the desk to talk to me and make small talk. do you think he is just being nice?
    4. he is such an awesome guy that im sure some lucky person already has him taken, but does it sound like he is just a straight guy or possibly gay but maybe is already taken?
    5. do you the fact that we work at the same place (not really for the same employer but in the same physical space) has anything to do with it? i mean, he rotates to different buildings on campus so its not like i see him everyday.

    i guess if he were interested in me he would have called. but when i see him he doesn't act like he isn't interested in me. he acts like he's very friendly toward me and even if he didn't like me liek that, i'd love to hang out as friends. idk, kinda wished i knew what he was thinking. what do you think? maybe he is reading this. if so, call me . I am very interested. lol.
     
  2. Jim1454

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    This cracked me up!

    I think, after all that, you just need to leave it alone. Whatever the reason, nothing is going to come of this. You've done your part - and for that I commend you! You've shown a lot of courage to put yourself out there. Most people wouldn't have taken those steps in introducing yourself and then passing on your card.

    But after all that he hasn't returned the gesture. So you're done. Move on. Give your card to someone else!
     
  3. Anonymous

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    yea you are right. i will just leave it alone. :slight_smile: thanks jim. glad you found that part funny. lol.

    yea it takes a lot of courage. its is scary to try and put yourself out there. it was really scary but i feel like this....you miss 100% of the shots you do not take.

    but jim lately, i am not sure what is going on but i'm tired of putting myself out there. i mean, i know that you can't tell who is gay or who isn't gay unless people tell you but its like i keep coming up short. people are very friendly back towards me but i guess either i keep getting straight people or deeply closeted confused types. but honestly they never call me or ask me to hang out but are really freindly with me.

    i have grown tired of trying to figure these types out. i know it bad, but honestly i am starting to become more and more like the guys that have the mentality...."ok, if you're interested you have to try and ask for my number first". i do not want to be like that at all but after time and time again of putting yourself out there and getting gooseeggs. well its just kinda hurts my self esteem sometimes and makes me feel like "why bother, he's straight i'm sure"

    its just seems like trying to meet anyone in regular day to day life if you're gay is kinda pointless if the guy is not obviously gay. everyone else seems to have too many walls up.
     
  4. Jim1454

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    I hear you. I think.

    Where did I meet my husband? Through the Gay Fathers of Toronto support group. Obviously everyone there - at the meetings and in their online 'Yahoo' group - are gay. So that made it easy to identify who was gay. Everyone.

    I met a good friend through an online classified ad. I was just coming out and felt I could use a gay friend to relate to and talk to. It actually worked. I got some decent responses from people. And had I not met my husband the way I did, I would have had this friend to introduce me to other gay guys who he knew.

    I started an LGBT Affinity Group at my work place. I've met a number of gay men through that group. And then my company joined a national organization called Pride At Work Canada, and because I'm on the steering committee for our local group I attend the meetings and seminars for PAWC - and have met a number of gay men at those events.

    And if I were single and gay here in Toronto I would join a group called 'Out and Out' which organizes various social and sporting activities for the LGBT community. Again - most people (if not all) attending those events would be gay. There wouldn't be any guess work.

    Beyond all that, if I was still single when I had come out at work, I expect there might have been opportunities to meet other gay men through coworkers as well.

    But all of those things required me to be fairly 'out' to people.

    And there's always online dating sites. I know of people who have had success with those because they were comfortable with who they were and they were honest about what they were looking for.

    Otherwise, I'd say just keep doing what you're doing. The more positive and approachable you can be the better your odds.
     
  5. brightside80

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    Okay, I admit I am very curious about where the original poster is on this now and if anything ended up happening