Is he gay?? He's so confusing!!

Hi! Glad you made your way here!
That is TOO confusing. You certainly aren't crazy or blind, because, with what I read, I would be thinking the exact same thing!
The eye-contact thing has happened all too often with me-- and every time, as far as I know, the guy was either gay or people suspected about him. Those light touches too, seem like a tell IMO. And the hand thing-- that is really suspicious, and honestly doesn't make a lot of sense to me because he is adamant in saying he's straight! He obviously didn't know what the "wrong impression" was if he really is straight!
How does he act around others? If it mirrors how he is around you, it might just be who he is. But, if not, it's something special about you to him. Maybe he's in denial, whether actions play into it or not, though.
Well, try to keep a level head throughout this. Your world shouldn't come crashing down around you over this tease. WHICH REMINDS ME-- it's pretty rude of him to kinda lead you on like that, then just see you hurt over it! Have you told him how you feel about it?
Good luck, at the least!

 

Does he KNOW you are gay? I think the best thing (if you really want the truth) is just to outright tell him you like him and ask him if he likes you too.

At the same time, I had a close friend who was sort of similar but not nearly as much as this guy. My friend would sit super close to me, put his hand on my knee, touch my arm, lay next to me, etc. But he never HELD my hand. Why? Because he is straight. Absolutely straight. In fact he was obsessed with my sister and he has a gf now. I don't think he acts that way with his other guy friends. I suppose he knew I wasn't judgmental or too macho to touch another guy. I personally think he just gets real attached to people emotionally. Touching an other person can be a way to express it. What we take as romantic or sexual isn't always how they think.

That being said, I'm pretty sure straight guys aren't typically that way. If a guy was doing to me what your friend did to you (holding hands, resting his chin on you, etc) I would seriously question his straightness. It seems like your friend is either very confused or in denial or both. These feelings take a long time to sort through. If you need to know, just be straightforward with him. But I would be careful not to push it. If he isn't ready to discuss it, leave it be. I think that if he really likes you romantically, just stay friends and be there for him. If that is what it is, it will bloom in its own time.

 

No wonder you're frustrated! Wow, he DOES sound confusing!

Sounds to me like he is gay.. but he's just not totally comfortable with it yet and may even be in denial. You're the reason he pops out of his heterosexual shell every once in a while.

But - here's the million dollar question.

Does he know that you're gay?

 

This is so hawt...

Yeah I think he is in denial, what kind of straight guy would interlock their fingers with another guy while laying in bed together! Its also pretty cruel of him to lead you on like that, but yeah he just needs time to deal with his major denial syndrome.

Please keep us updated on your story ^^

 

I don't like to jump to conclusions, but it totally sounds like there's something there. Let things happen without trying to label him. You have to be very careful though because you might let yourself get even closer, just for him to back out because of denial issues, leaving you with major heartache.

 

It sounds like if your friend is gay (which he might not be) then he probably hasn't even come out to himself yet. And if he hasn't come out to himself, then he definitely isn't going to come out to you. This time last year, if I had been in the same situation as your friend, I probably would have acted in much the same way. The human mind is capable of many powerful and scary things, like convincing a gay guy he is straight despite him knowing for more than ten years that he found guys attractive (as in my case... somehow :eusa_doh: ). Or, alternatively, it is capable of convincing someone that their straight friend is probably gay, even if he isn't. In the end all you can really do is accept what he tells you about himself as fact until revealed to be different. And if he ever asks you for advice or guidance, be willing to help.

 

Or maybe he just "loves" you in a brotherly way and he's comfortable around you.

Yeah, i know, claiming "straight" but interlocking figners with someone doesnt look THAT straight but still.i have a friend just like that..for example:

He's touching my hand, even tries to interlock his figners with mine, he's also resting his chin on my shoulder, laying his head on my chest when im playing on the computer (and all that at my work! (internet-cafe) and i also saw he had a hard-on after that although he might had that earlier..dunno!

He's also kissing me frequently (on the cheek ofcourse!) likes to hug me and he wants me to kiss him back most of the times and stuff like that, also touching my butt and..u know what else but not that much anymore. He also gave me his fb password (wtf?) saying that someone had to know it incase somethings happens (lol!)

Then again, he's acting homophobic, and when he sees a homosexual scene on a movie he's like "ew...thats DISGUSTING" and moves his eyes away from the monitor..or "being gay is probably the worst thing that could happen to you" and other shit like that...

Thing is, i have a crush on him. Like, a MAJOR one for like 2+ years. But overanalyzing things and overthinking it over the past years made me grow tired of it. And despite the fact that i want him SO much...i just can't keep doing this to myself. Crying myself to sleep, being heavily depressed, having an uncontrolled hatred towards everyone i like/love...i just can't take this anymore so i'm just trying to ignore him as much as possible.

I thought of telling him im gay and then that i liked him many, many times but i was just too afraid of his reaction, so i didn't. Guess i'm a coward!

P.S: He's friendly towards everyone else too but with me it's different, i can tell it is. He's WAY too friendly with me. oh well!

So my advice to you is, tell him you are gay when you feel like it and see his response and act upon that afterwards or just don't say anything and keep torturing yourself.

 

Apparently there are way more homoerotic straight relationships in the world than I thought. Geez.

 

I know right :roflmao:

 

Definitely think he's just scared and doesn't know how his feelings are. Dealt with something like that in high school, not really easy. You have to either just let what happens happen, tell him you're gay and maybe it'll help him, or break off ties. I'd say one of the first two is best.

 

Oh my I know exactly how u feel Ethann. I've been there... except my best friend kissed me several times and when I told her about how I felt she said she was straight and it meant nothing. The thing is ... like u... I never initiated it ... when we were drinking she always came up to me and asked me to kiss her. Your story reminds me exactly of what I am going through it's insane and crazy similar. I hope for u it's just because he's to afraid to come out : ] It sucks being in this position.

 

No kidding! :lol:

 

I wasn't sure at first but I think he's defintitely gay. I mean he held hands with you in the bed for crying out loud. No straight guy does that. I think that he's just confused and in denial about what he really wants and he hasn't come to terms with it as quickly as you have. Maybe you should consider telling him that you're gay.

 

He is gay. Or Bi. Straight guys definitely DON'T hold hands like that and IN bed! If you aren't gay, that would seriously make any straight guy uncomfortable. There is no other real explanation. The real question is, does he like you? And I think all those moves is him exploring that question.

 

Sounds like he's gay, but isn't ready to deal with it or admit it to himself. Tell him you'll be there if he wants to talk about anything and let him come out when he's ready. Don't force the issue and don't add to his confusion/frustration by flirting or touching him in a non-platonic manner.

 

I'm SO glad to hear it went well! I think he may eventually come out or could wind up identifying as straight after all or even just bi. Perhaps he may still just flirt but it's good you won't ask. Like I said earlier, sometimes the best thing to do is just to let whatever happen, happen. Perhaps you'll wind up together, perhaps you won't, as long as u stay friends.

 

Great! It went really well then! That kind of reaction is the best thing you could look for. It doesn't necessarily make him known if he is gay, but letting him know he can trust you might just be a very important step in a furthered friendship, or his coming-to-terms.