1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Is Dysphoria Permenent?

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by dray7, Dec 14, 2015.

  1. dray7

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 3, 2013
    Messages:
    60
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    USA
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I guess I'm aiming this more at the older trans people here. I have some pretty severe dysphoria that just keeps getting worse, and it's really starting to take it's toll. The more I think about it, the more permanent it seems. I'll never be just like a cis guy and that breaks my heart. I don't know. Is this permanent? It sure feels like it.
     
  2. pinkclare

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 7, 2011
    Messages:
    240
    Likes Received:
    14
    Location:
    Portland, OR
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Is dysphoria permanent? Yes and no, but definitely more no.

    Some things (obviously) go away with medical transition. I no longer feel dysphoric about my voice, my chest, or the way my urine exits my body. Money issues aside, these were easy things to fix - their roots were obvious and we have medical technology to deal with it. Lots (all?) of external social dysphoria-inducing things went away quickly with the introduction of testosterone, too - incorrect pronoun use, weird looks in the bathroom, being flirted with by lesbians and ignored by gay men etc.

    Other things can't (currently?? depending on how optimistic you are feeling...) go away with any amount of transition. For me, two big physical things are my tiny feet and my lack of sperm. There's also the internal mourning for my lost boyhood and the trauma of so much invalidation growing up.

    Overall, though, the more the things that can be fixed were fixed, the less the other things seemed to matter. Back when I was pre-T and pretty androgynous-looking, my tiny feet may have pushed someone towards concluding I'm female. Now, with my beard, baritone voice, and broad flat chest, my feet (if even noticed!) are written off as an unfortunate genetic fluke. While they still bother me personally, it's pretty easy to calm myself down with reminders that I am literally the only person viewing them as gender-incongruent.


    So...back to your question. You are right that you will never be exactly the same as you would be if you were born a cis guy. But that fact is not always going to matter nearly as much as it feels like it does right now. The more you move through the world as male, and the more the world at large validates that identity, the less the remaining differences between you and your hypothetical cis counter-part will matter, be noticeable, or be bothersome.
     
  3. dray7

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 3, 2013
    Messages:
    60
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    USA
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Thank you! That honestly means a lot to me :slight_smile:
     
  4. Michael

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 30, 2014
    Messages:
    2,563
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Europe
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Yes, it is permanent. You might learn to live with it, but in my experience the best you can do is to deal with the root cause, whatever it is.

    Problems don't go away by themselves.
     
  5. Mihael

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jul 2, 2015
    Messages:
    2,618
    Likes Received:
    505
    Location:
    Europe
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Todd is right here. I'm some different kind of animal than a trans man, yet once I felt the shift in other's perception of my gender, I stopped panicking that my wide hips are so terrible, and make me so much of a woman. So although not "fixed" physically, my hips are no longer a concern for me, and I don't feel any more that they limit me or prevent me from being myself.
     
  6. Hexagon

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 1, 2011
    Messages:
    8,558
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Earth
    I found that cutting my breasts off significantly improved my feelings towards them.