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Is Dating While Questioning Your Gender Identity Fair?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by okherewego, Aug 18, 2020.

  1. okherewego

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    So it's been quite some time since I've put myself out there in the dating world, but lately I've once again felt the itch and try my luck - or at least as much as one can during Covid season. Things have changed since last time, though, the big one being that I'm having some serious questions about my gender identity. A large part of me feels its wrong to make myself available without knowing where I stand on the spectrum, and thereby unfair to any potential future partners without disclosing every detail of my current status right from the get-go. If I met someone next weekend, we hit it off but I don't tell them, and then suddenly 6 months down the road I figure out that my suspicions have merit and I am indeed a trans woman, how are they supposed to feel? This isn't what they signed up for - they were looking to date a man, not a trans woman. It feels like I'd be telling them one of the biggest lies one could tell.

    tldr; Has anyone here started a romantic relationship in the midst of questioning their gender identity? If anything came of it, what happened when you revealed it to your partner? Did you disclose the doubts about your gender to them at the very beginning? Do you guys think its wrong to for me date while I'm trying to figure all this stuff out?
     
  2. chicodeoro

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    Everyone is different okherewego. My own feelings on this subject is that I can't even contemplate thinking about another relationship when everything in my life - my gender being the most significant aspect - is up in the air. That's not to say I can't dream of - one day - being with someone. I want to be loved again. But as me, Beth, a transwoman. Not as a male.

    I'm sure there are examples of people who have met a long term partner whilst they are questioning their gender. But as you say, once you hit it off with someone and feel there's potential, after that it's important to be honest.
     
  3. solarcat

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    I think I'd have too many doubts to date anyone while questioning. Or even now, when I'm sort of mid-transition. I'd feel like I'm leading them on, especially if I don't know how they'd react knowing I'm trans. If they're not comfortable with dating a trans person, then it would feel like a total waste of time to date them in the first place.
     
  4. Kyrielles

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    Some people may need experiences to know and understand what they want, I think it's perfectly fine as long as you're honest with the person you're with. But that's just my opinion.