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Is being flamboyant natural or forced?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Destin, Mar 21, 2018.

  1. Destin

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    I've always kinda wondered this. A big stereotype of gay people and the one most shown on TV is the super loud flamboyant guy who is just always making snarky comments and flirty jokes all day long. A lot of the gay people I've seen act that way for real too, yet lesbians not nearly as much.

    Is the flamboyance just natural and part of their personality? Or are they forcing it to happen to act 'more gay' or something?

    Why does it seem to be only gay guys and not other LGBT people who do this?

    I don't understand the point of it - like why did loud and flamboyant somehow get associated with gay, how did that even happen in the first place.
     
  2. DinoArtist

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    Tbh I know some straight people who are flamboyant and some gay people who aren't. I personally think that being flamboyant is natural. As children we have a sense of freedom to express our thoughts, feelings, and emotions freely. But that soon gets beat out of us and we lose our flamboyant, whimsical nature. Some people either retain it somehow or they develop it once they get the freedom to do so. It's never nature vs nurture. It's always both. I think it's more or less a gay stereotype to be flamboyant. But idk, just my opinions on the matter.
     
  3. BothWaysSecret

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    I agree with this completely. The "flamboyant gay" is just a stereotype as I also have seen straight people who are flamboyant. I also feel it could be related to how outgoing one is and how you perceive yourself (i.e. the loud and confident ones who are sure of themselves may possibly be more flamboyant than those who don't like to draw attention to themselves.). However, I also feel that it's a mixture of natural and forced for some individuals.
     
  4. johndeere3020

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    Destin, don't fall into societies version of stereotypes. The most masculine looking and acting firefighter, police officer, or farmer can be LGBTQ. The guy you would swear was LGBTQ is straight with 10 kids. :slight_smile:
     
  5. Blast

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    Why does it matter to you? Just let people live their lives and be who they are.
     
  6. SkyWinter

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    I think lesbians have always been more accepted than gay men and gay men who are on the down low would signal to each other with flamboyant attitudes. It's just that now it's become a way of talking, like a strong regional accent.
     
  7. Devil Dave

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    I think a lot of gay men like to let go of their inhibitions and act all flamboyant because it lets them feel more liberated. They don't want to feel like they're back in their closet trying to be "normal" when they are supposed to be out with their friends having a fun time.

    Sometimes I'll make a flamboyant gesture as a joke among friends, but I couldn't keep that up all the time. I think it takes too much energy. And some gay men obviously have that sort of energy about them, especially gay men working in the entertainment industry.

    So to some people it comes naturally, to some people it has to be forced. And obviously the more visible and vocal you are, then the more you will be noticed by the general public, and therefore it has become a major stereotype for gay men to be flamboyant, because that's how a lot of the public have come to perceive gay men.
     
  8. PatrickUK

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    It can be both natural and forced, but you can tell when it's forced. The mask never slips on a naturally flamboyant gay man - he doesn't require an audience and could be in the midst of his greatest personal crisis and his flamboyance would still shine through. When it's forced it's noticeably exaggerated and fades away when nobody is watching or life gets serious.

    I do agree with previous posters about ignoring the stereotypes. Gay men exist in all places and walks of life and you would pass most of us in the street without a second glance. Contrary to the stereotypes, we're not all card carrying members of the glitter party on a mission to prove our fabulousness. You'll find gay men on farms, building sites, railways and in garages and workshops, but you'll also find us in operating theatres and at the very top of industry running major businesses and corporations, and in some countries we'll even be the head of government (Iceland, Republic of Ireland, Luxemborg).

    And just to add... I have met straight guys who are as camp as Christmas!
     
    #8 PatrickUK, Mar 22, 2018
    Last edited: Mar 22, 2018
  9. gravechild

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    I've heard some gay men say they will "play it up" to fit in groups, or piss off homophobes. Its pretty obvious when someone is faking it.
     
  10. Totesgaybrah

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    I’ll act somewhat flamboyant sometimes. For me it’s somewhat forced but at the same time comes naturally. I do it because it’s fun and feels good.
    I’m still recently out of the closet so I think I’m still figuring myself out.

    Just be yourself and do what feels right for you.
     
  11. smurf

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    It can be both, but for some people is definitely more natural.

    When I was around 12 my dad would make me practice at home how to "walk like a man". Do you know how much energy it took to be cognizant of every step I took to make sure I did not appear "too gay"? I was also given speech lesson to make sure I was not speaking "too gay". I was constantly reprimanded for standing with my hands on my hip and sitting with my legs crossed.

    Appearing not "too gay" was fucking exhausting and traumatizing. But I got good at it. I was able to hide it by the time I was 15 from most everyone. I also overcompensated and became the school "respectable homophobe" ( I was okay with gay people,but not okay with marriage, kids, and PDA - a nice balance of not too homophobic to be a closet case and homophobic enough o keep people doubting.... oh to be young and dumb) and a vocal republicans "just in case".

    When I first came out it was the first time that I felt that I could start doing exactly what I wanted without caring what people thought.

    But after so much trauma and hiding, you really don't know what is your "natural" state or who you became in order to get people to stop noticing. So when I first came out I went ALL OUT. I wanted to expereicen all of it. I wore rainbow flags, became the president of my GSA, and dared people to say something. That lasted probably 2-3 years of college until I finally started finding who I was.

    Now I'm still campy. You will be able to tell that I'm gay when you talk to me. You will see my walk, how I talk with my hands, etc. You will also see me in jeans and a shirt mainly cause I'm cheap as fuck. You will see me in converse from 4 years ago. I can't cook , decorate or be styling as much as I want. I also love a good drag show, brunch with my gay friends, and volunteering at pride.

    Many reasons, but historically LGBT people have had the permission to be who they are. Straight men have to stick to certain societal rules unless they want to be seen as less manly and stuff. This has changed in the past years as homophobia decreases, but straight men are still held to different standards. A gay guy has the ability to be as campy as they dare.

    Women do the exact same thing as gay guys. There are different levels of butch and femme that women go through as well. But the stereotype of lesbians being good at "men jobs" also came because lesbians allowed themselves to break some rules. This has also changed as times progress.

    There is also A LOT of power in owning your flamboyancy and femininity.Why shouldn't I be as flamboyant and loud as I want? In order to make who more comfortable?

    Also keep in mind those people who broke the social norms of being gay and out because fuck what other people say are also the ones who played with femininity, flamboyancy because fuck what other people say.
     
  12. Lexa

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    @smurf
    That sounds horrible! I'm sorry to read you had to go through this.

    I'm still in this process. I think most of us had remarks concerning the way we behaved when we were young. It is not different for me ("You can't wear high heels, you can't walk in them" springs to mind). There has always been a huge difference between who I seemed to be and who I am . I also recognize the partially conforming to the stereotype. In some ways you do, in some ways you don't and it's also about accepting that in some ways you do and that it's totally fine.

    @Destin I agree with Chip that it can be natural and forced, it depends on the person.
     
    #12 Lexa, Mar 22, 2018
    Last edited: Mar 22, 2018
  13. Destin

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    Thanks for the replies everyone - I understand this a lot a more now than I did before. I totally get that everyone is unique and stereotypes aren't always accurate, I didn't mean for it to sound like I believed all gay people were flamboyant or anything like that.

    I don't mind them being who they are, I just didn't understand what causes it. I didn't suddenly become flamboyant once I realized I like guys so I didn't understand why other people felt the need to do that and I didn't.

    This makes a lot of sense. Its easy to spot many openly gay people at my university because tons of them dye their hair bright unnatural colors while none of the straight guys do and I'm pretty sure they do it to mark themselves as gay. Flamboyance being a way to attract other LGBT people would be the same type of thing.

    Sorry you had to deal with that - I know exactly what that's like. My parents thought I had a 'weak and girly' handshake when I was a kid so like you did with walking I had to practice a 'manly' handshake until my parents were satisfied with it. It was really dumb.