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Is anyone else here childfree by choice?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by fadedstar, Nov 19, 2018.

  1. kibou97

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    Well, other than that I think for the most part it's best not to raise kids when you're 20, in college, and trying to build up a career for yourself, I'm not too keen now on the idea of having kids. I wanted to have kids of my own growing up but then other people in my family started having kids and while I love them all like family just as much as I love the rest of my family, I've seen now how taxing and difficult it is to raise a child even if you're not a single parent. A lot of parents say that it's all worth it at the end of the day but I dunno, I just know that I'm certainly not interested in kids anytime soon. My opinion may change sometime in the future but then again, I can't see the future so I dunno.
     
  2. Lexa

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    Wow, I can't believe I just read this. Insert real reason that doesn't sound good? Admitting? You do realize that having children by choice is as selfish as NOT having children by choice, right? Because BY CHOICE in itself means that you choose to have or not have them out of your OWN DESIRE. People who don't want children should not even be making excuses, their choice is as valid as yours.
     
    #22 Lexa, Nov 19, 2018
    Last edited: Nov 19, 2018
  3. Destin

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    I don't care whether they have kids or not, that's not the thing that bothers me. It's when they lie about why they don't want kids to sound superior to other people that the irritation happens. If they don't like kids, just say it, don't pull the whole 'the world is too bad' stuff to sound like you're somehow doing a good deed by not having kids.
     
  4. PatrickUK

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    I suppose I am child free by choice. I could have had children if I wanted to and I'm certainly in a position where I would be able to, but I've honestly never had a burning desire to add to the gene pool or continue the family name (which will die with me). And when I look at the state of the world, with all of it's uncertainties and seemingly intractable problems I'm rather relieved that I don't have children. I know that sounds pessimistic, but it's a reflection of how I feel at this time. I'm not saying everything is bad and awful, because that would be entirely contrary to the way I see life, but the big challenges we face across the planet are not being addressed in a coherent or strategic way as politicians and decision makers continue down the route of short termism and narrow, self interest. Still, I continue to hope and pray for better days.
     
  5. Lexa

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    I can easily turn this around you know... How many people with children say that not having children is selfish? That also sounds superior (and it's also definitely not true). That bothers me.
     
  6. Chiroptera

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    I'm not married/engaged with anyone, so I don't need to choose right now. However, while i can change my mind in the future, for now I don't think i want any children.

    I don't feel comfortable around children. I think they are too noisy and I don't like playing with them. From an educational point of view, children are super interesting, but, besides that, I don't like being around them. My mother thinks i'll change my mind and she thinks i "hate children" and things like that. It's not "hate". I think children deserve to be treated very well, because they are still growing and learning, etc. etc. I just don't enjoy being around them.

    Sometimes I say to my friends, as a joke, that I would love being a parent if my son/daughter could be born as a 15~17yo. That way, I could skip sleepless nights and all the complicated start of being a parent, hahaha. Yes, i know, teens are complicated too. But, as a teacher, for example, I prefer to teach at the final years of school than teaching children.

    I don't really think it matters much to think about world population, and how the world is bad, etc. If we think that way, then it is a good idea to have children, because you can educate your kid and put one more good person on this world, to possibly make it a little better. However, I think we need to look at ourselves before looking at the world or the "big picture".

    If you want to be a parent, and you are willing to sacrifice money, time and energy to do that (because It is ridiculous that there are people who want to be, or are, parents, but they don't want to sacrifice anything, and end up abandoning their children, literally or emotionally, like parents that yell at their kids all the time because of little things), then great, have kids. "Oh, but the world this, the world that". If you want to do that, and if you can do that, are you going to sacrifice that joy because the world isn't perfect? Especially considering you would be raising a person that could make a difference, big or small?

    Now, if you are like me, and don't want to be a parent... then don't. Don't listen to people who say "you are going to change your mind", "you are selfish!", "you are X or Y"... We can change your minds later, and if that happens, then that's ok. But I don't want people bothering me because of my personal life choice. I also don't think that fear of being alone on an older age is a good reason to have a child: You are raising another human being. With his/her own desires, personality, etc. etc. A kid isn't a toy you can buy just because you don't want to be alone.

    Anyway, i'm digressing. In resume: No, I don't want kids. I don't like being around children, and i have plans for my life that don't include a child. I want to spend the money, time and energy I would use to raise a child (school, meds, food, patience, education, etc.) to travel the world, to buy things for myself (and possibly a SO), to go home after a day at work and read a book or go out with my wife/husband to have dinner, without having to worry about a kid that needs to sleep early.

    I agree with Lexa here.

    But let's remind to keep calm, everyone. It's an interesting discussion, and we can all respect other opinions. :wink:
     
  7. ThatBorussenGuy

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    I'd rather die than have kids. That's not even hyperbole. I cannot think of anything I'd rather do less than raise some screaming, crying little thing for 18+ years. There would go everything I want to do with my life. Also, I have a notoriously short fuse, especially when it comes to babies crying/screaming. I can't take it. Hard pass.
     
  8. fadedstar

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    Well, I can't speak on behalf of anyone else but for me I can assure you my reasoning is the real reason. I'm not lying.
     
    #28 fadedstar, Nov 20, 2018
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 20, 2018
  9. RainbowGreen

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    I agree with everything you just said, especially the things I put in bold. You expressed my opinion way better than I could in my first message. Bravo!

    As for me, I do want children, it's just that I need to graduate and find someone first.
     
  10. fadedstar

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    Buddy, I don't hate kids, if you'd read the very first sentence I wrote at the start of this thread you would have grasped that.
     
  11. Joe2001

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    I want to be a biological parent and help give someone life, but as for having to raise a child? Not so sure on that one.
     
  12. fadedstar

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    I doubt any woman who is infertile has tried to cover up her infertility by taking the moral high ground, at least I've never experienced that. I could see a woman potentially "lying" about not wanting kids because she's infertile and doesn't want to discuss it (but her taking the moral high ground while doing so sounds like something you've concocted in your head.) An infertile woman also isn't obligated to disclose her infertility just because she is asked. To suggest otherwise is just a tiny bit (very) misogynistic.
     
  13. BlueMonday

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    Yeah, I don't like kids. I prefer pets, thank you very much.
     
  14. fadedstar

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    I feel like the original point of this thread has been lost, but never mind.

    It wasn't meant to be a debate about my reasoning for not wanting to procreate. The fact is I don't want to and my reason is the one I have given. It seems like the pro-natalists are very triggered by anyone who doesn't view the world through the same rose tinted glasses they do.
     
    #34 fadedstar, Nov 20, 2018
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 20, 2018
  15. Love4Ever

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    Depends on on how you define child-free. I mean I am definitely am not going to be the one having the child. I just won't do that. I could, as far as I know, no problems there that I am aware of, but I just won't. I cannot go through that mentally or physically. Just no. I also am not a baby or toddler person anyway. I like older kids though. I would also rather give a home to someone who had none. I want to give a kid a new life when they felt unwanted or abandoned. So yeah, child-free in the sense that I won't be having a child but not in the sense I am not open to children.
     
  16. jenne

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    i don't know if that makes me selfish but i can' even think of having a responsibility this big... a child is a lifetime commission and i just want to be free and have my time for me
    besides that i would never carry a child it seems impossible so...
    but i'm young and there is a possibility i might change my mind in the future like everyone tells me although i don't think that will happen..
    i don't understand what's so great about having kids though
     
  17. GreenRun

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    I'm in a similar boat as @Love4Ever , I am pretty sure I will adopt, because I really want to have kids but I'm not sure about biological ones. I've got some messed up stuff that I think is genetic, and I don't know about bringing new life into the world right now...but that topic has already been heavily discussed above so I'm leaving it alone. I have strongly considered taking in older kids versus babies/toddlers, because so often those kids wind up aging out of the system, or just moving from foster family to foster family all their lives. I'd love to bring in those kids and give them somewhere to call home. I have also considered adopting siblings, like when there are 2, 3, 4 + kids that would most probably be separated, taking in all of them so they could stay together and be a family. I really want kids, I'm just not sure if it's responsible in my case to have them.
     
  18. Love4Ever

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    Hey I think you'd make a great parent! And however you have kids will be great I am sure.
     
  19. GreenRun

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    Thanks for your confidence in me. I hope I will be a good parent. I want to raise kids so much, no matter how I have them.
     
  20. Yumette

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    I'm 48 and happily childfree by choice, yes. First realized I don't want kids at the age of 12-13. I saw aunt after aunt ( I have eight of them ) get pregnant in their twenties and early thirties, but never thought I would want to have a baby growing up inside of me. Could never picture myself as a mother. Funnily enough, though, long before I found out about the concept of genderqueer and whatnot gender-related, I did half-jokingly think at times that I might have been okay with being a father ( no giving birth! ) and specifically the kind of father that has a career and a life outside home and doesn't have to spend too much time with the kids - and certainly not even close to 24/7 for years on end...! Yet is still able to say that family is the most important thing in his life. I always grin when, say, male sport stars or really successful ( and busy ) men keep saying that in interviews. "Yes, I spend most of my time away from my family, doing what I love to do most - but my family definitely is the most important thing in my life!" I would be down with that, but not with actually raising kids and putting up with them on a day by day ( and night! ) basis for a decade or more. A nanny would also be a plus! =D

    I'm able to become a cooing puddle at the sight of puppies and kittens, and it is my dream to be able to have a pet at some point in my life
    (it's so hard as a single working person) but in the presence of babies I'm just thankful if they are quiet... and the older they get, the more noise they make! I don't have any scientific proof, but I firmly believe that today's children are much louder and demanding than kids decades ago. They are very high-maintenance compared to how my generation grew up... We grew up observing the adults and their world, these days it's the adults who spend their lives observing and fretting constantly over their kids growing up. No wonder more and more people are finding a life without kids the more desirable option, even if they happen to like kids in general. According to a survey, around 20% of young adults in Finland have decided not to have kids and I think that percentage will only grow in the future...