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Is 9years too young to know?

Discussion in 'For Parents and Family Members of LGBT People' started by Vikki, Sep 21, 2023.

  1. Vikki

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    Hi,

    My daughter who is 9 and a half has told her sister who is 12 and me that she has a girlfriend.
    I can tell my 12 has reservations about this in general.

    I asked my daughter if she was just a friend who was a girl or a girlfriend.
    (Her girlfriend is 10 and got her other friend to ask out my daughter as she was too nervous.)

    My daughter said she is her girlfriend and they are going to go on a date soon.

    Its so cute. I wish I was asked out at that age but it was a different lifetime/environment/situation.

    Is this too young?
     
  2. Rayland

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    No it's not too young. In fact, "sexual" behaviors in children are common, especially between about 3 to 6 years old.
    It's normal to experiment since young age. Though you should keep an eye on her and that she knows that she can always ask you about anything.
    It's so cute though that she is having a girlfriend. :heart_eyes: I was aware of myself since kindergarten, often it's the enviroment that is not the best or supportive or safe to explore about sexuality.
     
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  3. Keller

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    It’s absolutely normal - she’s exploring herself and interaction with others… What’s happening (which is really cute :blush:) may or may not mean that she will prefer girls in the future, anything can happen.
    The best we can do for our kids is to support them in every way we possibly can and be always open to talk about anything :relaxed:
     
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  4. Vikki

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    I am open and talk to my kids all the time. My daughter has been listening to me too much and discussing/educating her friends. :blush:

    It is cute but you're right she might not prefer girls. At least she knows that is an option.
     
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  5. quebec

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    Vikki.....It's certainly not too young to have feelings about others regardless of their sex. By the time I was 10-11 or so I can easily remember watching the older boys play basketball in the Summer at the elementary school. I was way more interested in watching the boys than the game. Especially as one team had to be "skins" while the other was "shirts" as they were just pickup games and there were no uniforms. The "skins" team always got most of my attention! :old_big_grin: Your daughter's attention to her friend may not actually be any indication of her future sexuality. I can't see how this can possibly have any negative affect on your daughter! :old_smile:
    ..... Davd :gay_pride_flag:
     
  6. Violet Rain

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    I fully agree. Support, love and be there for them, 100% and more.

    Your daughter is so lucky to have you as a parent! I hope she comes to you with anything she needs to talk about. She sounds like a great person too.
     
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  7. Revan

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    Definitely not too young, I know people who knew when they were 6 or younger. But also I'd say if it's not too young for a girl to date a boy at age 9 (I mean kids say they're dating as young as Grade 1 or even kindergarten), it's not too young for a girl to date a girl (or boy date a boy). Totally understand your question about it though, kids dating before high school for some parents is always a weird moment cause, while I'm not a dad yet, we still see them as our kids and our job is to protect them. It's sometimes difficult to see kids and pre-teens as those who can still somewhat make their own decisions. (Yes not completely, they still need guidance but it's nice to let them follow their heart where it's not dangerous). :slight_smile:

    Most important thing is just support your kids and make sure they know they can come to you about anything without judgment. Then they'll know they can turn to you when they need help whether they're 9 or 29. :slight_smile:
     
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  8. mnguy

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    Looking back, I know I liked boys in grade school. If I knew some guys marry guys when they grow up, it might have made sense to me, especially by 6th grade with my first crush. What an amazing world if I understood myself back then and it was just as accepted to like guys or girls. One grade school friend turned out to be gay. He was more sensitive like me and I think why we were friends for a while. There were others over the years but they never said anything and I didn't know. Your daughter has the chance at so much more with knowledge and support from you and others! :slight_smile:
     
  9. Doodette

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    I say with that I would ask myself would it still be normal if a straight kid did the same thing. If it would be then it's normal, if not no. It's pretty normal for kids that age to have girlfriends or boyfriends but in a childlike way
     
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  10. PatrickUK

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    As I reflect on my own childhood, I can recall experiencing same-sex attraction from a very young age, even as early as 9 years old. Although I didn't fully comprehend or understand the implications back then, I now recognise that these feelings were an integral part of who I am. It's important to understand that same-sex attraction is not a passing phase, as my own personal journey has shown me. At the age of 47 I can confidently say that my sexual orientation remains unchanged.
     
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  11. resu

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    In my elementary school (ages 5-10), kids were having boyfriends and girlfriends at all ages, so 9.5 is not unusual. Also, many LGBT+ kids often start in heterosexual relationships due to social pressures, so it's great your daughter is in an environment where she feels comfortable enough to have a girlfriend. Try keep communication open with her her so as she gets older, you can teach her what safe and healthy relationships look like.