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Introducing me

Discussion in 'The Welcome Lounge' started by alma, Aug 7, 2020.

  1. alma

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    Hello, nice to meet you all. At first sorry for my English, I'm from Venezuela, I'm 21 years old, I'm a cis girl and my pronouns are she / her.

    I used to go to a lgtbi + support group in my city, but I didn't feel comfortable because I'm in the closet and everyone was telling me "don't worry, one day you'll go out and it'll be fine, TRY AGAIN !!! " or that kind of thing. and I felt that nobody really understood at all....

    I came out with my mom about 5 times, the first few times she went crazy and it scared me that my grandmother found out (we are living with her) she is a very strict person, and she has always put me in charge of my mother's emotions. because she suffered bipolar attacks when I was a child.

    Lately when we talk about it, she tells me that she thought I was over it ... and threatens to take my cell phone, forbid me to go out or tell my grandmother or my dad. sometimes she even asked people to stay away from me

    She used to be the most important person for me, she was always my best friend and not having her support hurts me a lot.

    I have a girlfriend and things are not so good anymore. I know it's my fault but I'm not happy anymore. but she is the only thing I have, my only friend and I don't think she wants to leave me.

    I feel depressed for a million reasons and I feel sooooo lonely .... i just breathe to hear girl in red and watch ru paul drag race lol

    I'm sorry for the long message, I just hope to get someone who understands me or is going through something similar
     
  2. SecretBean

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    Hey alma! I understand what it feels like to be depressed and not happy. I totally felt it when you said you aren't supported by someone you really love and you're super close to.. I recently told my mom I liked girls (not coming out officially because I'm still confused) and she said that she supports me but I know that she doesn't like it. She's trying but it feels wrong to me just because she isn't satisfied with who I love. The first time I tried to tell my mom I was into girls she ignored it and told other people instead of talk to me about it which made me feel worse and embarrassed. I know how you feel. The truth is that some people aren't gonna accept girls like us and just say "screw it" and who cares right? I get that she's someone you look up to but if she doesn't like you being a lesbian then who cares. Is it right for your own happiness to be at risk just for your grandma? People that are older than 40 aren't used to the world being open and accepting to many things. Don't take it personal they just grew up differently from us. I know you want to be out and proud with her but sometimes it's better to give up instead of it being a bigger mess. The truth hurts but it's better to know than be crushed. Be who you are but if you know that topic is fragile and gets her triggered then just try to not talk about your sexuality around her. Try to communicate with her on what she doesn't want and what she does want. Compromise is what I'm saying.

    Don't blame yourself for not being happy in a relationship. Sometimes being friends is the only way to happiness with people you like. It's hard to accept that too. That's what I'm going through. Just talk to your girlfriend and tell her how you feel and talk about what you guys can both do to continue your relationship. I'm rooting for you guys! And if it doesn't work out, you got us! It's hard making friends but I think you got this. Just reach out to more people on instagram or something.

    Girl in Red is a bop and Ru Paul's drag race is one of the best shows hands down! If you ever wanna talk I'm here buddy :slight_smile: just remember you're not alone. We're two depressed lesbians that just wanna have fun and not give a care!
     
  3. LostInDaydreams

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    Welcome to EC. :slight_smile:

    I’m sorry to hear that things are really difficult for you at the moment. The situation with your mum sounds very hard and things not being great with your girlfriend must add to the pressure. Have you spoken to your girlfriend about how you’re feeling?

    It sounds like getting some independence could be a good thing. Can you identify any steps you could take to get some independence from your family or even move out?

    Have a look around the forum and if you have any questions you’re welcome to get in touch with a member of staff. Take care.
     
  4. alma

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    Thanks so much for reading! That is good advice, I have forgotten that independence is the key ... one day I said in that support group that maybe going out is not good for some people and they didn't like it

    In fact, when I was 16 years old, I used to be calm and just say "relax, you will leave home when you finally become a doctor", but now I have been overthinking... I am in the beginning of the second year (they are 7), already I am 21 and most importantly: my mother has no one !!!!!!! She is single, I have no siblings, my whole family lives in Canada, which is very far from here. it's just me and her ...
    But this reminds me of what I need to fight for, take the emotional charge off! I need to think of myself first. The only thing that is difficult for me is finding a balance, because resentment takes me over.
    About my girlfriend, today was the day ... we finally fought. We never do it .. and today I could say "we are like water and oil" she told me that she was avoiding me because I have break downs and she doesn't know what to do ... it hurts because she's not even being my friend and I don't know how is going to end. But I think it's the beginning of something..
     
  5. alma

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    Hi!!!! you´re so sweet. thanks for answer me.
    your words gave me encouragement. YOU HAVE NO IDEA. I almost felt Martian

    You convinced me with the last sentence lol. I will write to you privately. thanks again!!!
     
  6. SecretBean

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    no problem alma! I honestly felt Martian too haha. If you have any other issues or any questions at all just message me! I have a feeling we're gonna be friends :slight_smile:
     
  7. Vega222

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    I can see how both of our governments have ruined our countries. That makes things worse.
     
    #7 Vega222, Aug 9, 2020
    Last edited: Aug 9, 2020
  8. LostInDaydreams

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    What do you want her to do? Perhaps you could talk to her again and say all you want her to do is listen, for example. It might be hard for her to watch you being upset, particularly if she feels unable to help.

    It must be really hard with just you and your mum, but you’re at medical school so you’re working towards independence. When things get tough, you can post here. Hang in there.

    Just a couple things to note:
    - You will be able to post visitor messages on other members' profiles after you make 10 posts.
    - After a month and a minimum of 50 posts, you can apply for full-membership on the forum, in order to access private messaging feature (Which is a privilege. As a regular member, you can only send and receive private messages from staff members)

    If you have a questions, get in touch or post in Ask the Staff at the bottom of the forum. :slight_smile:
     
  9. alma

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    I had not gone into details, but my government and its decisions are precisely the millions of reasons why I feel depressed, such as not having friends and being away from my family. In addition to not being able to advance normally in my studies and therefore not being able to become independent ...
    and many things in the quality of life that you will know
    I hope you can get out of there one day. I send you strength
     
  10. Vega222

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    Thank you. I think you're right. Your government has ruined the economy and other things. It is same here.
    We can blame our government for our problems, But it can be discouraging. Don't let this truth, prevent you from making a good life. Sometimes we develop a habit of blaming others and then justify our misery by saying "It's not my fault, I was born in this country and can't do anything." So do your best in the worst situations and you'll probably make a better life.
     
  11. SecretBean

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    Hey alma I hope you didn't forget about me.. I miss talking to you buddy! *hugs*