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internalized homophilia and pride

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by SiennaFire, Apr 22, 2016.

  1. rachael1954

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    I can relate with this, and it surprises me. My voice and personality and old (healthy) patterns of behavior are emerging, very slowly. I am careful to accept and incorporate each one back into my life. I think those things can count, because it is who I am and who I have not been for a long time.

    Thanks SiennaFire!
     
  2. SHACH

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    When I came out to myself around September and eventually got to a place where I didn't really care what people thought, and came out to my best friend and all, I feel like I've suddenly grown into myself and become an actual expressive person for the first time in my life. Somehow I suddenly feel much more confident (at least for a decent amount of the time...). When I'm fully out I can't even imagine how amazingly free and confident I'll be. Its exciting.
     
  3. SiennaFire

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    Thanks biAnnika. This is definitely an inclusive thread, so we welcome and celebrate your internalized biphilia and unbridled queer-positivity :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:ride:
     
  4. nsantana

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    Can I get a HELL YASSS!?

    Great thread SiennaFire; and, timely for me personally given where I am in the process.

    I am really starting to talk with my family and friends very openly and with a clear voice about who I am.

    For example, two months ago, I spoke with one of my gay friends about what was going on with me. His comment then was "a lot of straight guys I know have hooked with other guys at some point." In other words, if you hooked up with a guy so what?

    When we reconnected a few weeks ago I again talked to him again about coming out. Knowing I had been with women most of my life he said, "I believe bisexuality is real. Maybe you are bi?" I responded by saying, 'NOPE - I am gay, really gay.' His response was, "welcome to the club" and gave me a knuckle punch. Awesome. That is pride, folks.

    Fast forward to the past couple of days where I have been texting back and forth with a super hot somewhat younger guy I met on ******. When the conversation goes into a lull, I start getting super anxious and the negativity and shame really hits home HARD. Then, when the messages start again, I get anxious about having to tell my story should we end up meeting in person.

    I still feel bad about myself and the anxiety is overwhelming. Before I hated myself for being in the closet. Now, I am mad at myself for not being gay enough. However, I am looking at this horrible anxiety as something that - while very difficult to deal with - is helping me to understand that really I DO want to be really gay, happy and out in the world comfortably. It is not going to happen in one day, unfortunately. There is a light at the end of tunnel.

    So, I think SiennaFire's blog post is excellent. My next step is to go tomorrow night to a coming out support group at the local LGBT community center in my town. I am going less to get support and more with the goal of meeting some new people, telling strangers I am gay, and to find out how to get involved there volunteering, etc.

    I will also say this: I know, and have known, a lot of LGBT folks over the years, and count many of our fellow LGBT brothers and sisters as close friends. Even though we that are coming here to this forum are dealing with coming out later in life, coming out is a life long process. That is why I do firmly agree that finding our place in the world as individuals within this awesome community we are part of does help from moving from shame to pride.
     
  5. SiennaFire

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    Hi nsantana,

    I'm glad this thread and the updated blog post are helping you.

    In reading your post, I get the sense that your anxiety is an obstacle for you. You posted before that you have a gay therapist, so hopefully he is helping you work through your anxiety as well as your sexuality.
     
  6. nsantana

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    Hey SiennaFire, Yes, indeed have been speaking with my therapist about my anxiety. In short, he says it is natural and a good thing.

    Anxiety and and depression may actually help us adapt to our surroundings, process and move forward. The evolutionary school of psychology definitely posits this; that is, that anxiety is rooted in the fight or flight mechanism hard wired into our brains reacting to perceived threats.

    In the context of this discussion, I think it is fair to say that deeply rooted shame we experience as one comes out produces a fair bit of anxiety. Hopefully, that anxiety helps get us where we need to be to accept ourselves and get out and enjoy life.
     
    #26 nsantana, Apr 27, 2016
    Last edited: Apr 27, 2016