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In serious relationship with GF for over 6 months -questioning my orientation. Help!

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by evora, May 10, 2015.

  1. evora

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    Hello!:smilewave

    I'd like to ask for a bit of help from you here. :slight_smile: I've been in a relationship with someone for over half a year now, whom I deeply love. I feel a lot of affection for her, and she is in love with me as well. Everything is fine, except when it comes to sex. This might not be a topic that is welcomed here, I don't know. I hope it's okay.:icon_redf I really need some advice.

    For a while now, the idea that I'm not as gay as I thought has popped into my head more and more. It comes up when she wants to talk about our inability to have sex together. I'm used to making excuses for myself because honestly, I just don't feel ready or I'm not in the mood. The problem is I've been wondering will I ever feel ready.:confused: And that is why I'm starting to think about what a male-female relationship looks like.

    I've been trying to solve this problem logically so I started to go back to why I'm with her and how it would be different with a man. Obviously, sex would be different. Maybe I'd feel differently with a man. I'm becoming more and more curious.:bang: Partly because our not having been able to do it makes her frustrated so I start to think what is wrong with me. It bothers me because I love her and I don't want to feel like I'm cheating on her by thinking about these things but also I've got to wonder after all this.

    So one of my questions is, how different would it for me to be with a man? Unfortunately, I don't have any experience in it. With her, it was easy to get together because we were attracted to each other and started to get closer to each other by talking a lot. Would it be the same with a man? (Sorry I'm so clueless. And also I feel like a cheater just from posting this.)
     
  2. EleanorHunter

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    Re: In serious relationship with GF for over 6 months -questioning my orientation. He

    Well you're not a cheater. If you were a cheater you'd already be off with someone else and not care about her feelings.

    It's possible that you're not sexually attracted to women and only romantically attracted. Asexuality is a possibility as well. I guess you need to think about what makes you feel so repelled by the idea of sex with her. Is it the fact that she's a girl as well? Are you nervous about it? Basic questions like that. It's not cheating on her to consider it, you're just trying to avoid problems later on. Believe me, if you don't face them head on, they're only going to build up and get worse later.

    In terms of how different it is to be with a guy compared to a girl... there's not much. Sure, more stuff is just assumed when with a guy. You never have to worry about who's going to pay for things or who's going to have an arm around your shoulders. But that doesn't mean you can't get the same things from girls. Emotionally, they're both the same. Talking to a boy you love isn't that different from talking to a girl you love. Sure, one might understand period cramps and such more than the other, but that doesn't change who they are as people.

    I hope I helped in some way!