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In love with maybe-str8 best friend and it's driving me crazy

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by mynameiseh, Nov 26, 2017.

  1. mynameiseh

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    For about a year ago, I fell in love with a very close friend. It started with a few thoughts, then a dream, and then I fell hard. During this year/months, I have sometimes thought that she felt the same way. It has been all different kind of ”signs”, like the way she looks at me, the things she says to me and how she acts different towards me than the other people in our group of friends.

    But a few days ago, something happened for the second time in a very short period of time. She said something that just left me devastated. Something that reminded me that our ”love” probably isn’t ”real” anyway. All she had to say was that she don’t have a crush and that she doesn’t get crushes. This left me heartbroken. It was in school, and I went into the bathroom and cried two times (lmao). The worst thing is that this is the second or third time this happened now, and overtime I’ve promised myself to not let it make me sad again, but it always happens again later.

    I really don’t know what I should do. I want to forget about her, but I also don’t. It’s may sound weird and really bad, but my love for her is what have brought me happiness and hope the last 9 months. When things have been hard or stressful, I have thought about the fact that she might like me back and have been looking forward to the day that I maybe maybe could kiss her again (we kissed once but we were drunk so this isn’t really a sign or anything). Common moments like classes in school and riding the bus have become meaningful because of her. I don’t know how I would feel if these feelings just went away. What would bring me happiness? I also feel devastated, because all ”moments” we had probably didn’t mean anything in the end…So everything just loses meaning.

    I know the best thing would be to move on, but I have no idea if I will ever be able to see her as only a friend again EVER. I have had crushes on friends before, but they have been a lot shorter and therefore easier to get out of. This one is…well…deep.

    And cutting her out of my life as a big-fat-no, because I also love her as a friend and I want to keep her as one.
     
  2. Kyrielles

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    Okay first the first thing that caught my attention was that she said she doesn't have crushes or get crushes. What was the surroundings like/what was happening when she said this? Is she maybe sensing that you have a crush? Also you didn't clarify, does she know that you're a lesbian? Is she a lesbian?
    I'm going to say this as clearly as I can what you need to do is recognize what you want and how the outcome could be and affect things. Being in love with a friend is a very very difficult thing, you either risk your friendship one of two ways, 1. You tell them you're crushing or make a move and freak them out which in turn could end the friendship or forever make it awkward 2. You tell them and it turns into a relationship that doesn't work out and your friendship is ruined. OR you could choose to hold in your feelings to keep your friendship and continue this cycle of holding it all in. So may I ask what is your age? Have you been in a relationship before? This could be just first crush rush or that you just need to meet other people. My best advice though is to question yourself and try to think of the outcome of how all this could go so you're prepared. Also from previous experiences it's usually best just to remain friends. But whatever the outcome I hope all goes well for you!
     
  3. mynameiseh

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    Thanks for responding!
    We (not only the two of us, but several close friends) were discussing crushes, that's when she said she don't get crushes. She has also said it several times before. And yes, she knows that I like girls, and she has said several times that she is unsure of her sexuality.

    I am 17 and have had several crushes and been in love before, but never had a relationship.
     
  4. Kyrielles

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    Hmm. Being that you've never been in/had a relationship what I would recommend is maybe trying to find a relationship with someone else, other than your friend, if you want to remain friends(if not for love, gain the experience). A relationship blooming from friendship is tough, and if it's your first relationship that could make it more tough. & that's if you could even get the relationship, because we're not sure here.. However, being that she knows you're into chicks and has actually said that she is unsure of her sexuality could mean there's some sort of potential there, but the question still remains... Is it all worth it? Because what happens if she decides that maybe she is into chicks and being that you're a close lgbt friend she decides to experiment with you, but then she decides after trying it that she's not that into it. It would probably hurt right? Maybe would hurt worse than it does now just not knowing what to do. What you need to do is think it through first and foremost, think of all the possible outcomes, feelings included, and decide ultimately what's right for you! You're obviously close friends, so another good question you should ask yourself would be Is it possible that approaching her for a relationship could ruin our friendship? Or. What if you do get a relationship with her and it ends, would that ruin your friendship? There's a lot of questions you should ask yourself. Also I want to add that you're still very young, maybe try to find something to occupy your time so you can maybe think of other things besides your hard crush. You have so much time to find what you're looking for, so many people to meet, to get to know. Just don't overwhelm yourself, I think it's extremely common for people in general to develop a friend crush, so don't stress.

    Ya know sometimes turning friendship into a relationship does work out for people, it's just not that common. So don't get down about what I said above, that's just my single opinion. If you do still want to pursue this though and still aren't sure how to approach it I would say that maybe you should kind of start dropping slight hints. And if you're still super not sure about it then maybe you should distance yourself from her somewhat, & see if she notices. Do you hangout on a daily basis? & do you hangout outside of school? Maybe tell a white lie, tell her in person that you've been talking to someone and you're interested in them just to notice her reaction. Drop hints that you're pursuing a relationship also, not with her, just in general, notice her response. Peoples' reactions/body language/behavior can usually be indicators if someone is into you! And if you truly on some level feel she's not into you like that, then you possibly shouldn't continue to chase it, because you'll end up heartbroken and no longer able to be as close of friends again.

    Hope all goes well for you! And even if it feels like it's not going well for you, it will, just takes some time. Be strong and make the best decisions for yourself!
     
  5. Sota

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    Omg, i have just the same problem as you. Idk what to do