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In a straight relationship but I think I'm gay

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Splenda, Jan 7, 2013.

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  1. Splenda

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    Hi this is my first post here. I'm 21 and this is quite difficult for me, I've been in a straight relationship for 4 years and I think I love him but the catch is that since I was 11 years old I've thought that I might be gay. This guy is very very special to me not only because he is my first serious relationship(though I had previously dated another guy at 17 a few weeks before I met him) but because he was my first real close friend aswell since I always had trouble fitting in at school. When we met, we instantly clicked compatability-wise and never ever ran out of things to say and I guess I was quite obsessed with him and just thought that he was so so perfect.

    Thing is though, I don't think I'm sexually attracted to him because when it comes to sexual activity I just don't feel a drive to do it with him even though he is a very handsome guy. For kissing too I never felt any spark when we kissed even though I just felt completely CRAZY thinking about him. Its so weird though because when I'm around him sometimes I'm obsessed with touching his skin, hugging and smelling him but if we're alone and it gets sexual I lose interest. We've had sexual intercourse and other sexual contact several times and I normally didn't feel much from it :/

    The reason why I've known since the age of 11 that I'm possibly a lesbian is because I've had about 4 deep crushes on girls my own age that lasted about a year each but not on boys. When my boyf asked me out I also felt thrilled because this meant that I wouldn't have to go through all the torment of coming out to parents, being discriminated, lonliness etc of being gay. The way I feel about women though isn't just romantic though, its sexual. As a teenager I was always interested in naked women's bodies but not in men's also now that I'm older I find myself enjoying lesbian porn and reaching orgasm. I've tried reaching orgasm to gay male porn but I just couldn't enjoy it.

    Over 6 months ago I revealed to him that I liked women but called myself bisexual because I love him and don't want to lose him. What I desparately want to know though is whether I'm actually gay or not because if I can make it work between us I'll happy just accept being bisexual.

    I just feel SOOO confused and I've been tearing my brain to pieces all through the relationship trying to figure out what I really feel for him cos I don't want to break his heart and throw away a four year relationship for nothing. On the other hand I don't want to string him along in a dead-end relationship if I actually am gay.

    I'm constantly constantly trying to find out whether I'm gay or not because I don't want to ruin the relationship over nothing. How can I know for sure if i'm really gay and its not just confirmation bias?

    Any help would be extremely appreciated!
     
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  2. curlycats

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    first of all, (*hug*). i so understand what you're going through. i identify as pansexual, but because of my demisexuality my sexual attraction has been somewhat murky for me. i was already in a 4 year relationship with my male partner when i realized/accepted my attraction to women and i have since been anxious (possibly even paranoid) that i might actually be a lesbian. :icon_sad:

    as you have a long history of strong crushes on girls and obviously are sexually attracted to women (as opposed to feeling nothing during sex with your partner), i'm inclined to thinking that you are probably a heteromantic lesbian. you can feel romantic/emotional attraction to the opposite sex just as strongly as you can feel it towards the same sex, but that's where the attraction ends for the opposite sex.

    i'm not sure what to say about your current relationship... it's good that you came out to your partner about being attracted to women. did he take that well? but in the end if you are only sexually attracted to women, staying in your current relationship will leave the both of you sexually unsatisfied and neither of you deserve that... :frowning2: on the other hand, i can imagine how hard it will be ending such a close, long term relationship. it will be hard on you both, without a doubt. but in the long run, it may be the best thing....

    ...but of course, no matter what i or anyone else says, only you can determine your sexuality and whether or not you feel no sexual attraction at all to your partner. it's hard.... but i hope both you and him can get through this. in fact, i'm sure you can. be strong and good luck. (*hug*)
     
  3. pandas

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    (Forewarning - This is really, really long. I hope you don't find it presumptuous or long winded. Honestly I think it helped me to get my own thoughts out. I hope it helps you too!)

    I am also 21 in a straight relationship. My boyfriend and I have only been dating a little less than a year but we've known each other for much longer. I love him to death...he always does things for me makes me feel special and we have developed a very strong emotional bond...I can always tell what he is thinking by the look on his face. I am very physically attracted to touching him and cuddling with him and being near him and you could say that I am obsessed with being with him.

    I think we are experiencing a very similar issue. I am romantically attracted to my boyfriend so much that I think he would make the perfect husband...romantically. However, we don't exactly have a sexual connection nor have I ever had one with any guy. We rarely have sex and when we do I am honestly doing it to make him happy. Usually I end up thinking about women during sex to keep myself interested and this has gone on for a long time. Lately I have avoided sex altogether because I have been feeling conflicted about this issue.

    I hate to go on about myself forever without giving sound advice, but all I can offer you is my personal experience, seeing as my problem is yet unresolved.

    I have a feeling that I tend to be more romantically attracted to men but not sexually attracted. I have known that I was attracted to females since I was a kid. I have had crushes in recent years but have never been with a girl romantically or sexually so I don't really know the extent of my attraction to females. During the times I have been single I have found myself thinking I might be a lesbian, but then some boy has come along to catch my romantic fancy and I celebrate the chance to shove my lesbian thoughts away.

    I finally told my boyfriend a few months ago that I was bisexual and he was very understanding. He occasionally asks questions, but I don't know if I'm ready to have a serious talk with him about my sexuality now or ever. Honestly I have come to accept that my current choices are:

    1. Tell him everything I am feeling. Tell him that I need to do my thing and I have to leave him, at least for now.
    2. Cheat on him and figure things out for myself (not such a meritorious option)
    3. Break up with him without telling him exactly why ( so as to avoid hurting his feelings by saying I wasn't sexually fulfilled by him)
    4. Do nothing and just try to make the best of what we currently have

    But the one thing you can do before you pick any of these is to find someone to confide in. Personally I don't yet have anyone I think I can tell. Almost everyone I know assumes I am straight, and those who know that I am bi had to really stretch their imaginations to fully accept that I am attracted to women, so I don't think they would really understand me. However, I have recently started to meet some new people through work who I might be able to confide in at a certain point. Some of these people are lesbians. Currently I am trying to find someone to confide in before I make a decision, because I don't think I can do this on my own. Another thing that I am currently looking into is therapy. I have been dealing with depression and anxiety for a long time and I think that my sexual confusion has been playing into it, so I want to get a good therapist that will understand what I am going through.

    So basically to sum up what you might be able to do for now is find someone you can really really trust and work up to telling them. If you don't have anyone you can trust, befriend them. If your insurance covers it, get counseling. This is all easier said than done, but I think it might be another step in the right direction...at least it's the plan for me.

    I hope that anything I had to say was at least a bit helpful. I've actually seen quite a few people on EC with a similar issue, so we definitely aren't alone. Best of luck to you!
     
  4. ohyummybear

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    Just follow what your heart is telling you. You can't fool yourself. You need to make the right decision as soon as possible. It may be hard but that's the first step to unleash the real person within yourself. :slight_smile:
     
  5. Splenda

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    Hi thanks for all your help curlycats,panadas and ohyummybear, greatly appreciated!

    When I told him about being "bisexual"(more accurately labelled Questioning), he took it well but tends to see it as more of a kinky thing more than anything else...I don't think he realizes how seriously I take this!

    Curlycats and panadas thank you so much for sharing your stories, it has been so helpful seeing the parallels in our stories and definately makes me feel less alone!

    I love being around him but when we get down and dirty I just don't feel any sexual tension there. He would be the perfect husband, he's the only guy where the thought of having sex and a family isn't offputting! He's so caring, sweet, funny, handsome, clean and not like any guy I've ever met before. He's basically like the best qualities of both genders put together with their disadvantages left out :3

    Panadas although you've known your boyfriend 7 years, you've only been romantically for less than 1 year so it might be a bit less painful to tell him how your feel right now. Therapy sounds like it could be helpful though.

    What melts my brain is that straight women sometimes can fall in love and be happy with a lesbian so maybe the opposite can be true with me and this guy.

    I've completely scoared the internet with regards to the "Am I gay question" but I think I need something more detailed to know if the way I feel about him is enough to keep us together, so I just ordered Chely Wright and Portia de Rossi's biographys to see if I could gain some insight into their coming out process as I know that they had previously dated men even though they had felt gay years beforehand.

    I've actually thought about this so much, that I've confided in 3 other people about this(a male friend,a female friend and even my sister) two of them think I sound gay but my male friend thinks I sound bi, but I don't think he believes exclusive homosexuality/heterosexuality is possible for humans so that's a grey area...

    I think I'll need to tell him that I love him but I'm questioning really really soon because these thoughts are getting out of hand
     
  6. jvn95

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    Hello there.

    It sounds like these thoughts are really bugging you. I am sorry that are having a rought time questioning what is going one.

    From what you have said, it seems that you are leaning towards being lesbian, you have previous crushes on girls with no mention of guys and sexual attraction to girls and again, none for the guys. As for really caring about him, I think it is possible to love anybody romantically because I have fallen in love with a girl before, but no matter how much I wanted to hug and cuddle and say "I love you" and spend time with them, to basically melt emotionally with them, the sexual aspect just never came with. Then I met a guy who I felt the same emotions for, except the sexual aspect was there. Even though we were never together and never will be, I found the thought of him more fulfilling because both emotional and sexual aspects were there.

    I don't want you to be limited your whole life and get married to someone you are not even sexually attracted to. Emotions are great, but the sexual feelings are just not mutual between you and him. I think you are on the right track by wanting to tell him about your questioning and maybe even take a break with him to sort yourself out. These thoughts are clearly bugging you alot and maybe a boyfriend that is fueling it is not the best thing for you right now until you sort yourself. I realize you've been with him a while but at least give it a thought.

    good luck
     
  7. Kgirl

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    Omg I am so happy to find others in the same situation! Although obviously I wish we weren't in this situation :S

    I've been with my bf for 8 years and barely any experience before that. We're due to marry in a couple of months! Always felt something was missing sexually (as with my limited experience beforehand) despite feeling so emotionally attracted/attached to him.

    Met a girl online a couple of months ago who made me feel like no guy ever has (but never met in person so idk how 'real' that is). Suspected I was bisexual beforehand but had never acted on it or got to know a girl in such a close way. We didn't speak on webcam or anything but just chatting online and once on phone I grew so attached and felt jealous when she got back with her ex :S

    So, yeah, looking for advice! Sorry I can't be much help to the people on here as I don't have the answer, but I'm interested to know what you decide!
     
  8. Splenda

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    Update

    ok so I've done QUITE a lot of thinking about this and have come to the conclusion that it would be best for me and him to separate as he told me a few weeks ago that he slept with another woman once during the summer. The weird part is that I'm not even the least bit upset by this! In fact this gives me the perfect opportunity for me to come out without feeling guilty that I "threw away" our relationship
    Here are the main reasons I've pinpointed for us to break up and me to come out:

    -I don't think I romantically love him because otherwise shouldn't I be hurt by his cheating?
    -I don't think we act like a proper couple but more like best friends telling each other funny stories and jokes
    -My first crush was a girl even though I was never aware of homosexuality before then so thats quite a strong indicator that girls are my natural preference!
    -I always felt gay
    -I honestly think I've been dating him because I enjoy his company as a very close friend and I was just too scared to come out to my parents and embarrass them :eusa_doh:
    -I was afraid to live a life where I would have to attend special meetups and the dating pool would be very small
    -I can't stop thinking about being gay
    -When we're alone I don't want to do sexual stuff...I just enjoy our witty banter and fun conversations
    -I was afraid that if I came out I'd turn into a stereotype and someone I couldn't recognize
    -I LOVE womens bodies and lesbian porn :icon_redf
    -I feel like something is missing from the relationship
    -I don't get nervous around guys the way I do around women
    -I think women are insanely beautiful
    -I've never felt like I was "one of the girls"
    -If i stay with him I'm probably wasting his time when he should be looking for a partner who loves him back completely
    -He cheated on me so thats obviously a red flag that something is very wrong
    -I think guys are better suited for me as friends
    -I feel like I've been lying throughout the relationship about my sexuality
    -I don't want to marry and have kids
    -I feel very trapped and weighed down when I make myself aware of all these points
    -I feel like I'm denying the inevitable and the longer I put it off the more hurt I cause
    -I think he is secretly growing tired of our relationship and as a result picking small fights over nothing
    -Our relationship has really changed since he became aware that I like women (because he's very very suspicious that i'm a full blown lesbian)
    -I've been questioning my sexuality throughout the entire relationship but I've felt drawn to anything to do with the gay community since I was a teen
    -I was afraid about not being attractive enough to get a girlfriend
    -I was afraid that I could never find the type of feminine girls I'm into and that all lesbians were butch
    -I was afraid of being different even though I've already felt different from as long as I can remember
    -I think people around me sense I'm gay anyway, despite my hiding
    -I hate hiding what kinds of movies and music I like because I'm afraid of being found out as gay
    -I really desire to have an intimate relationship with a woman
    -I don't want to feel like a liar anymore
    -I've never felt anything from kissing a guy, I might aswell be kissing my elbow
    -I don't want us to grow to resent each other as we grow older
    -I'm probably not his ideal type of girl anyway
    -Seeing women smile makes me so happy, seeing men smile feels meh to me....
    -I've forced myself to watch gay male porn and men masterbating and just couldn't enjoy it!
    -He's missing out because I'm not engaging in much sexual activity with him
    -I want a woman who I can be my princess
    -I feel like i'm going crazy in the closet
    -I've just listed 40 reasons why I shouldn't be with him so clearly something is not right here!
     
  9. Thieves

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    Well, that is certainly one good reason to stop and think, right? :wink:

    Well, first of all, I want to say congrats, Splenda. Not for your relationship ending, for that I'm very sorry, as I know it's never a completely easy thing to do and can be really painful for both people to go through. I'm more saying congratulations for being honest with yourself about your sexuality and your attraction to women. It takes a lot of guts to really put it out there in the open, and even more to actually act on it when you're still in the questioning stages, but I really believe you're making the right first step toward being happier with yourself. It may seem like a long road ahead, but it's one worth the travel -- at least, I tell myself that in hopes that it's true for me, too! :slight_smile:

    A lot of people in the closet (too many in fact) stay in relationships that aren't with people that they're attracted to, or they continue relationships that just aren't satisfying for fear of really coming to terms with their true sexuality. So yes, a good step for you indeed. Hopefully your (ex) boyfriend will come to truly understand what you're feeling at the moment, and realize that it was the right thing for both of you.

    Also, it's funny, because I could relate to many of the points on your list (except those having to do with being in a relationship, of course.) Figures, haha. Be sure to keep us updated with your situation and any progress you're making. :slight_smile:
     
  10. Splenda

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    Thank you so much for your kind words Thieves, I hope that things went better for you in coming to terms with your sexuality!

    I've felt like I've wanted to be with another woman for so long but I've been lying to everyone and myself and hiding behind that relationship so I wouldn't have to face the consequences of being gay.

    I knew something felt not quite right about the relationship but I really didn't want to hurt him over nothing so i've OBSESSIVELY read almost every single article on the website on the subject of "am I really gay or imagining it?".He's my best friend but I just feel i'm not sexually into him and I CAN'T do this any longer because its simply ruining my mental health keeping it in like this. He was my first ever close friend and I was so afraid of coming out/losing him/hurting him but this situation simply isn't right and it needs to stop.

    I know that it seemed so glaringly obvious that I like women but I was so desparate to be "normal" that I jumped at the opportunity of "clicking" with a guy and convinced myself that I could love him enough to make it work longterm for us. I'm such a bloody coward :eusa_doh: and I hope that he doesn't end up hating me when we've been through so much together. I loved being around him cos he's such an awesome guy but I just slept with him to make him happy :eusa_doh: I was just too immature to realize that no matter how much I cared for him as a person I couldn't recognize that I wasn't attracted to him no matter how handsome he was, I thought that it would fall into place over time but it just didn't!

    I kept telling myself "stop being silly and be happy dating a boy like everyone else" :bang:
     
  11. curlycats

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    hi, Splenda. :slight_smile: thanks for coming back and updating us on how things are going with you. it looks like you've made a lot of progress in a relatively short time. congrats! although i'm sorry regarding your partner's infidelity and what your decision will mean for your current relationship. i wish you and your partner the best during the rocky road that is ahead of you.

    about your list of reasons for breaking up... wow. i wish i could come up with a list like that. then maybe i could sort through my own issues faster lol. i'm afraid my issues are still pretty murky, though, unlike yours... sigh! oh well.

    but seriously, i'm happy for you. :slight_smile: best of luck re: the future.
     
  12. floatupstream

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    Splenda, I'm going through something similar. My boyfriend is my roommate and best friend and I can't imagine life without him, but I want to be with a girl so badly! I'm hoping things get better for both of us. It feels good to know I'm not alone!
     
  13. FallenAngel

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    First of all...reading your story was like reading mine. It's crazy! I've been in a straight relationship for four years and I've known that I'm a lesbian since I was in middle school. So just know that you are not alone and that I completely understand what you are going through. It's not easy so give yourself some credit for getting this far. It's hard to think about losing someone that you have been with for four years. Have you talked to him about it? It makes a lot of sense that you are attracted to him in every way with the exception of sexually. You love him because he's been with you for so long, he is a wonderful person, and you are comfortable with him. You just have no sexual drive...which if he doesn't mind, then you don't really don't have a problem. But in the future, will he want to have kids with you? There's a lot of things to take in consideration. I don't want to overwhelm you, I'm just trying to help you think about everything so you can make the decision best for you (so you can be happy) but also for him (end it now vs way down in the future). I hope I helped a little. I'm sorry you're going through this.
     
  14. Splenda

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    @curlycats I know it looks like a short time cos I only joined Empty Closets 3 weeks ago, but i've been questioning whether I'm really gay or not within the relationship for years. I was just so confused because I really didn't want to lose him and we're a long distance couple so the relationship was mainly based around how super compatible our personalities were.

    I thought that if I fell really hard for him I could just forget about this "lesbian thing" and have a "normal life" but no matter how much we clicked personality-wise I just felt nothing when we kissed or "got physical". In a long distance relationship I was able sweep these problems under the carpet cos I just loved being around him so much but I just recently realized that if we ever lived together, having a physical relationship would really be such a strain because I don't lust for him the way a straight woman can.

    I also felt that I've ALWAYS ALWAYS wanted to be with a woman who I could make feel special and have her smile at me when she's happy. I don't know why but I just feel like I really really crave a feminine presence in a partner. I was just really afraid of coming out as gay but I was thinking about being a lesbian so much that I was just ruining my mental health and my relationship with him anyway so it was just no longer worth it being closeted. In a weird way his infidelity was the best thing to ever happen to me because it gave me the wakeup call I needed to realize that this relationship just can't work. He deserves someone who enjoys being sexual with him!

    @floatupstream,@Fallen Angel and @curlycats I think that reading coming out books can really help you get a perspective on whether your thoughts are that of a bisexual,pansexual or a lesbian. The story of Chely Wright really really helped me realize that my "empty" feelings when being intimate with or even just kissing this guy I really cared about really weren't normal at all and that I just couldn't keep living a life of lying and hiding my feelings if I really wasn't satisfied. CurlyCats just try and be as honest with yourself as possible and try to type all these feelings in your head into clear bullet points. Learn more about the stories of other people when they first realized they were gay and ask some deep questions. I knew in my heart that a longterm physical realtionship with him even if we did occasionally have a threesome with another woman simply won't be enough because I want a woman for more than just sex, I wanted to share my life with a woman and make her feel so beautiful, special and loved.

    Hope you all are able to sort out your issues regarding whether you're bisexual, pansexual or gay
     
  15. Splenda

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    @FallenAngel Crazy isn't it that we have the exact same story! Ya its just so hard to imagine the thought of losing someone you spent 4 years with because of a hunch but the fact that he cheated on me just signaled that something is really really wrong and we both can't keep living like this!

    I've actually told him that I'm "bi"(I had to say bi because I was too scared that he'd freak out if I told him questioning) in August and he was very understanding but it turns out that he actually cheat on me that July...So thats why he seemed ok with it...To be fair though I think the lack of sex drive is a big big thing for him if we ever lived together and its probably the main reason he cheated. I think he probably does want marriage and kids when we're older but I just don't think i'd be able do that since my feelings for other women haven't waned at all since we've been together.

    Thanks for your reply FallenAngel, hearing about coming out stories and others going through the same stuff has really helped a lot :grin:
     
  16. Madeleine

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    OK, so, I read this and I have some thoughts, not advice, though, but it did provoke a lot of thoughts. Before coming to terms with my sexuality and stuff, I scored the internet too, and I have read a couple times a sociological or psychological report about how fluid women's sexuality is. Like, a woman can be straight, can then have a bisexual period, then go back to being straight, or go from straight to lesbian and back to straight, in her life. And she completely is straight at one point, then completely bi or lesbian. The report was saying that women's sexuality is fluid. It said men's sexuality wasn't as fluid, but it had it's own hypotheses on this. That society condemns gay and bi men and literally makes it difficult for a man to change from gay to bi or gay to straight or whatever. Anyways, from the women I have known in my life, the study seemed pretty accurate. I know straight women who have had lesbian fantasies. I know a straight woman who had a lesbian relationship for a long time before she started dating her current boyfriend. So, that might be part of what you are going through. I don't know. Maybe not. I am writing that also to relieve you of being stressed if you are a lesbian or not. From my own experience, before I ever had sex with a man, I was very conflicted about my sexuality, too, and some of what you wrote reminded me of that, because, also before I ever did anything with a man, I fantasized about it and thought it would be incredible, and then when I finally did it, it wasn't great. So in your case, it could be possible that the lesbian desires are repressed and because they are repressed they become more powerful and significant. That is just from my own experience. And what you wrote about your boyfriend, I have a lot of thoughts on that. You said his cheating on you didn't bother you and that is a sign that you don't love him...I would have to disagree to a high degree. Some people are jealous (like myself,) and some people aren't. Perhaps you aren't jealous. My jealousy or possessiveness doesn't mean I love the person more than someone who isn't jealous or possessive loves.
    I know people who wouldn't be as bothered by cheating as I would, yet they still love their partner. I don't agree with you that that is a proof you don't love him. Especially since in the first post you put all the stuff about your feelings for him.
    Also, you wrote some other stuff which amused me because it provoked a lot of thoughts too.
    This man you were crazy thinking about, that you love being around, etc. He doesn't turn you on. But, you could see him as a perfect husband and stuff. From from my own experience and the experience of a lot of men who try to date women, being the really nice man who would be a perfect family man is not sexually attractive person to a straight woman. Every nice man who wants to make it easier on himself to sleep with a woman has to pretend for a brief period (until things are physical) that he isn't nice. He is great for stability and stuff you already know. Guys who are nice and who want to date women have to balance their true natures of being nice, with more aloofness or something which isn't nice, in order to get and retain sexual attraction with straight women. Once again, these are my thoughts, which your post provoked. I don't know if this applies to you. But I do think they are worth considering.
    If you dump him because he cheated on you, please do it because he betrayed you and your relationship. From what you first wrote, I think you love him, and I would dump him personally but only because that is part of my nature, not because I thought I didn't love him, but because I am jealous and possessive.
    Good luck :slight_smile:
     
  17. Splenda

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    Thanks for the feedback Madeleine!

    Yep one of the big things I already considered was that female sexuality is thought to be more fluid, which is one of the reasons why I really wanted to make things work when I finally found a man I clicked with.

    I do think it is quite significant though that the cheating didn't affect me because I actually am quite the jealous, possesive and insecure type :/ I actually acted this way in the earlier years when I was with him and he found me too clingy but I don't know how romantic my feelings are for him or was I just acting like jealous female friend would.

    I think the main thing for me though is that I have trouble separating caring for someone with romantic love, he was the only friend I felt close to throughout most of the relationship so its almost impossible to separate these too feelings and one of the main reasons why I felt so confused.

    I get what you're saying about some women being attracted to the b:***: type instead of the nice guy but I don't think I've ever felt attracted another man b:***: or otherwise... My boyf isn't a pushover or oversensitive though so I don't think thats the issue. Actually he seems to have the perfect balance, protective but he could still beat the crap outta some guys, plus he has a wicked sense of humour :grin:

    I think the long distance element of the relationship is really causing confusion between romance and friendship too because he's only been meeting me once a month lately but we talk on the phone a lot.

    I think the lack of sexual attraction, his cheating and my desire to be with a woman are the main problems though even if I do love him romantically.
     
  18. Madeleine

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    I was thinking about this after I had posted, but maybe you should come out to him without breaking up. Come out slowly. Perhaps it could help you accept your feelings and maybe even turn you onto him if he accepts you completely (the lesbian sexuality.) Unless, of course, the cheating was crossing the line and you are dumping him for that. But if you don't dump him, I was thinking that maybe it would be both helpful for you to come out to him, and also open up your sexuality to him (maybe you will feel better about yourself and him and this could increase the pleasure you feel with him.)
    Well, good luck!
     
    #18 Madeleine, Jan 27, 2013
    Last edited: Jan 27, 2013
  19. Splenda

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    How do you REALLY know if you like men or not?

    Thanks Madeline, I think I should definately tell him that I'm at least very confused about my sexuality at the moment. I think you're right when you say that keeping this a secret and being worried about it is making everything between us even worse.

    I just feel so so torn about this though, I love him and he cheated on me but how do I know for absolute certain that I'm gay and not bi??? I spend so much time looking at random strangers of both sexes and trying to gauge a natural response but I just feel confused most of the time. I know that I've fallen in love with other girls my age as a teenager and I've definately felt attracted when I stood close to them (blushing like crazy, sweaty palms, akwardness, nervous talking to them...groinal response) but I just find it so hard to tell from my responses to random people and my boyfriend.

    If i really am attracted to my boyfriend and we've been together over 4 years what should be going through my head??? Should I feel an urge to passionate kiss/make out with him? Should I get butterflies? Should I feel strong emotions when we kiss? Should I feel an urge to touch his groin? I don't think I feel these ways towards him but maybe my judgement is very bad and I just can't tell how I'm feeling???? I get a groinal response sometimes when we do stuff sexual together and that just confuses me even further??? Then there are times when I just feel an urge to hug him really tight and kiss his neck but I don't think I ever feel that I want to kiss his lips passionately or makeout with him.

    Just so so confusing :eusa_doh::eusa_doh::eusa_doh:
     
  20. Pyramids64

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    I find myself in a very similar position. This many years later, what has happened? I really want to know, as it may help me right now. Thank you for sharing your story!
     
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