This is probably going to be a long post. But I'm in need of advice, as I'm not sure what to do about a lot of things when it comes to coming out. I'm 16 going on 17, I'm MtF and I'm out to absolutely nobody in real life, so it's hard for me. I don't think coming out right now will be beneficial. I'd get the s**t beaten out of me at school if I started transitioning now. My parents also give me mixed signals when it comes to acceptance... My mom's told us it'd be okay if I were gay before, but then calls me "gay" when she sees me wearing something she doesn't like... My dad talked about a trans person like it was nothing, only for him to subtly complain about trans people later. I don't get these people, and I can't get a damn sign from them if they're going to accept me or not and frankly it makes me angry. If I had to guess, my Mom would probably be more accepting than my Dad. He has openly gay friends but he has conservative values I'm just as confused as you are. Thus, I decided to not come out until I move out. Two things: - My parents want me to stay until 26. 26. I can't move out until 26. - Until I move out, my parents made it insanely hard in terms of what I have to lose. They're paying for my university, promised to put money towards a mortgage on an apartment, and just give me money to help me in general. If I were to come out I'd be homeless and broke within an instant. - I'm not sure if they'd entirely understand what it means to be transgender and they'll misunderstand, tell me not to do it because of "cancer" or some shit they find online about the "dangers" of HRT. Most importantly, it's the results of HRT at that age. I want to start at 18, but due to the circumstances I listed I don't think it's possible. I don't know the consensus, but I've had people tell me it's either "never too late" for HRT or "best to take it at 18 to 20, otherwise kiss passing goodbye". If I start at 27, what's going to happen? What if my parents do accept me? I just wasted all those years! So, how do I go about this...? Does age really matter? How can I tell if my parents will accept me or not? I really don't want to waste any time... Thanks.
So, if I'm understanding correctly, your parents offer of financial/educational assistance and a deposit for a mortgage is entirely conditional on you living with them until you are 26 - is that what they have said? They expect your to spend a quarter or more of your life and the most important years of adult development under their roof and on their terms? As nice as it would be to sail through university with no worries about fees/expenses you do need to ask yourself if it's really worth it and if you actually want it. On one level it's good to have no concerns about accommodation or balancing classes/lectures and studies around work and financial considerations, but on another level these very practical concerns can be useful for personal growth, development and maturity. If your parents hand you everything on a plate until the age of 26 (providing you comply with their rules and conditions) is it really a good thing for you anyway? I would suggest it's not. Sometimes it's good and very healthy to plot our own course through life and have to deal with certain practicalities and many uni students look back on that time of balancing study with work/money as important; helping them to become a more rounded individual. Have a think about these things because it may influence if/when you will be able to begin transitioning. Of course, your parents may be okay if you come out to them, but everything I wrote above still stands.
You make a legitimately good point. Thank you for your input... I would have never thought about this situation that way! I'm actually not sure if it's all dependent on me staying with them until 26, but I imagine if I left earlier it would impact that, the way they go. They didn't really say much, but they tell me that all the time about how they'd help me "get off my feet" that way. I think the reason for the age being 26 is because that's when they moved out back in the day... yeah, times have changed. I tell all my friends about it and they tell me it's crazy. Staying with your parents past 20 these days is socially weird, I've been told. I don't think they realize that. I totally agree, though, getting everything handed to me is quite the bad practice. Guess I was thinking too much about transitioning to think about other morals, so thanks for putting that into perspective. If I'm able to, I'm going to try moving out at 20-22, during uni. I do have a job I plan on keeping so if I make enough money or something, that can work. Hopefully early enough for me to transition.
