I did a tad bit of searching around again and looked through a list of gender identities to get a better idea of what I might be. I realize now that I was still thinking of the term "transgender" in a very black and white way, even though I knew that it wasn't. I understand now that it's more of an umbrella term for people who simply don't identify with cis-gender norms. I have a pretty good idea of where I fit and where I'd like to be. At this point, I'm not sure I'm interested in delving too much deeper into it. I like having wiggle room, and I don't want to confine myself to such tight labels. It's just not for me, never has been. But I'm feeling more confident in saying that I am transgender, and explaining that and exactly what it means to me, should people ask. I prefer to have a conversation about it rather than giving them another box to put me in. I am very happy with the progress I've made. :icon_bigg(!)
Wow I'm so glad to see someone else who felt the same as me. I didn't realize there was a name for what I felt and I didn't feel as if Transgender fit at first because I felt it was black and white as well. I was fairly sheltered as a child so I though Transgender only reffered to men who dressed as women and felt like a woman trapped in a man's body and that woman were butches if they felt like a guy. (Stupid right, but that is the type of town I grew up in) When I realized what Transman ment and that It fit me perfectly it was like something just clicked and felt right and I thought to myself, "this is me in a nutshell. I'm not alone' I have been doing a lot of studying and, while I'm hesitant about any sort of surgery, I am going to start the harmone treatments of testosterone in the beginning of the year. It took me a lot of time to think about that and deciding to do so. Have you decided to try dressing more into your desiered role? Or just taking it all slow? I had really long hair and just chopped of all my hair. It was so liberating.
I have had thoughts that if I was completely confident, and didn't worry about what others thought at all, I would have facial feminization and top surgery and take all the hormones and t-blockers, etc. But I still am very far from being to that point and even now, I don't see myself getting there. The lack of confidence would only cause me to feel bad about my decision, so I have decided to just start slow. I have a friend now who is totally into helping with my makeup and style. She's says she's along for the ride and looks forward to watching me "transform into a butterfly." She wants to be there. She has very big plans for me. Haha. She's the only one who knows, and I'm still new to coming out as gay so it's going to be a while until I share anything about my gender situation, especially considering how shy I am. I already have a very feminine style and have become pretty confident in that. I'm working my way to actual womens clothes/accessories in public. I'm just taking my time with it all. As I start to feel more confident in what I am doing, I will be more open about it.
