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I'm not transgender, but...

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Benway, Jun 12, 2019.

  1. Flynn S

    Full Member

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    So I've read though your posts here and you've been beating yourself up a lot.
    You didn't.
    You are not shitty. And you don't have to live that way.

    You also have some unnecessary guilt:
    It's not your responsibility to make your family happy. There is absolutely nothing wrong with your sexuality (or gender identity, regardless of what it is). If your family feels like it's a burden, that's their fault. Not yours. Don't limit yourself just to please other people. That never works and makes you miserable.

    When you say it would be easier for you if you were a cis gender woman, do you mean it would be easier for you in the societal role of a woman or in the body of a woman? Because those can be two completely different things.
    What is your reaction to that? Does it make you uncomfortable? Do you like when people say that?

    As someone else already pointed out, this is what trans folks usually say. Transgender people don't transition to become the gender they identify as, they transition because they are the gender they identify as. For most trans people on the binary who have medically transitioned, they are identical to cis gender people - you wouldn't be able to tell the difference unless they told you.

    That's toxic masculinity bs. Mental illness is a universal issue. There is no rule book for being a man - whoever is trying to sell it to you is cheating you.

    Another thing I've notice is that your take on transgender surgeries/medical transition borders on transphobic. You may have some internalized issues going on here, because you say things like:
    Which, of course, they are scary. Any major surgery is scary. Any life-altering risk-taking decision is scary. But they are not barbaric. They are usually very good, and in some cases, life saving.
    Why do you think you would be sub-par?
    There are always people who will be transphobic and homophobic, misunderstanding, and hate people they think are different (and therefore dangerous to their ideologies). You can't live your life in the shadow of these people. If you did decide you are trans, and if you did transition, I am quite sure you would not be creepy or sub-par. And if you didn't, you still would not be creepy or sub-par.

    I know you are seeing a therapist and I assume these negative perceptions of yourself is something you are probably discussing with them. I would recommend digging a little deeper into why you think life would be easier for you if you were a cisgender woman and if that/those reason(s) are specifically role related or something more.
     
    Ryuichi and Mihael like this.
  2. Benway

    Regular Member

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    Thanks everyone for your input. The truth is I don't know what's going on with me, I'm just lost. Like I said, I don't have the firmest grasp on transgender issues, which is why I usually don't say anything about them at all. I can't answer the questions some of you have asked me because I simply don't know the answers to them. I don't know how I feel about things like transitioning because I don't fully understand it, which makes me fear it a little-- but sadly that's the American way, you fear something you don't understand if you're an American like me. It's just ingrained in our psyches.

    I'm going on vacation this week. Maybe that will give me time to unwind and maybe come back refreshed and have a different outlook on all of this, but then again, it might not. I don't have informed enough opinions to make decisions about my feelings on all of this.
     
  3. Mihael

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    I think you should give yourself time to digest this new perspective.

    It's not only American. I think it's a natural reaction to fear something unknown. People all around the world have it, animals have it.

    Hang in there :slight_smile:
     
  4. Benway

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    It's not just animals, did you know that fungus, in addition to all being interconnected all over the planet by a subterranean network and communicating seemingly telepathically has over 50 million genders? I learned that awhile ago and still have a hard time wrapping my head around it. But there's really only one gender I want to be and that's a human female. But even with my apparently ignorant comments on transition surgery I know I could never do that. Maybe in some other life, but not in this one story I have here on this planet. I have nothing against transitional surgery, I just know I could never put myself through something like that.