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I'm not sure if I should come out to my family

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Broken Mask94, Sep 20, 2022 at 8:49 PM.

  1. Broken Mask94

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    I'm not sure if I should come out to my family. I've been thinking about coming out to my family for a while but not sure if I should. I'm pretty close to my family but I'm worried about them reactioning badly to me telling them that I'm gay. I've been out my friends for years, and I feel like should be open, and honest with my family about who I really am.
    I feel like the time is right to tell them but at the same time I'm worried about ruining the closeness I have with my family. I'm just not sure what I want to do. I need some advice on this.
     
  2. BiGemini87

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    Hello, @Broken Mask94. I'm not sure if I can be of help, but I'll certainly try.

    Firstly, are you financially independent of your parents? Do you have your own living accommodations? If so, you're in a good position to be honest with them, as you won't have to worry about them kicking you out/cutting you off. That is the most important first step inn deciding whether to come out or not.

    The next thing to be certain of is whether you're ready to come out: it sounds to me like you are and that you're just suffering nerves, but there could be some justifiable reasons for that. Have your parents or any other family members you're thinking of telling ever expressed homophobic opinions, or anything that appeared as such? Basically, the idea is to reflect on whether your fears are based on events, or based on intangible worries; if they've given you reason to expect poor reactions, then you can of course wait/choose not to tell them. If they haven't, you can always gauge their feelings/attitudes towards gay people through conversation--think current events, entertainment (such as recommending a book or movie), or what-have-you.

    At the end of the day, the how, when, or whether you come out at all are entirely up to you. I will say though, that holding on to a secret like that for a long time, especially regarding people you're close to can have negative effects--on your mental health and perhaps physically as well. It can also create feelings of hurt and resentment in those you've yet to confide in, though it's not your fault nor are you obligated to tell them anything until you're ready to, or if you ever want to. This information is not something you owe anyone, but it is something that can alleviate a great deal of stress if you share it.

    Take some time to decide what you want to do/how you want to do it. There is no right or wrong way to come out, but there are methods that work better, depending on the individuals involved and the timing.

    I hope, if/when you come out, your family proves to be supportive.
     
  3. Broken Mask94

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    I'm financially independent, and I live separately from my family so I'm good in that respect if they aren't supportive. I feel like it's mostly my nerves stopping me from coming out to my family but I know that if I did come out to them my family would probably be accepting of me. My family is pretty open minded. I'm just probably worried about nothing, but I'm going to take some more time before I decide if I want to come out to my family. Thank you for responding to me.