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I'm new around here :)

Discussion in 'The Welcome Lounge' started by igoaround, Nov 8, 2017.

  1. igoaround

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Santa Rita, Alto Parana, Paraguay.
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I've found this website because a friend told me about it. :grimacing:

    I basically have a huge crush on my best friend (David) (how rare :joy:) ,but i've been able to deal with that on my own so far. Until something that i thought wasn't ever going to happen happened.

    He cought me staring at him. I looked away quickly but i still think he saw me. Anyways, a few days later he came up to me and told me a very homophobic anecdote about some gay men (f-word) comming up to him and asking about coffee or something. And the next day he asked me very seriously (we are never serious) if i was gay, to which i responded yes, but then i said i was just kidding and i was obviously not gay. The point is, i think he knows i'm crushing on him and he expressed his disconfort very indirectly by telling be that story.
    Another friend also cought me staring at David, and looked at me very weirdly.

    Coming out is somenthing i don't even consider, my comunity isn't very... welcoming to non straight people.
    This is really messing with my mind, i think i don't even accept myself. I have been obsessed with him for the past year or so, i tried very hard to move on and to not think about the fact that he will never feel the same way i do.

    I really don't know what to do. Thank you very much.
     
  2. Quantumreality

    Regular Member

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    Out to everyone
    Hello igoaround! Welcome to EC!:slight_smile:

    Ideally, you should only Come Out if/when you are comfortable doing so AND if it is SAFE for you to do so. From what you describe, it is certainly doesn't seem SAFE to Come Out in the community in which you currently live. I would advise you to lie for your own safety and tell anyone who asks (don't prematurely volunteer your explanation, as that could seem suspicious) that you simply were in awe/admiration of those guys because of their athletic prowess or abilities and that you simply wanted to study and emulate them.

    For yourself, you definitely should accept that you have same-sex attractions. Whether or not you might be bisexual or homosexual, only you can determine. But I believe that one of the most important things for any of us in our own personal development is to understand and be accepting/comfortable with our own sexuality. Whether or not we ever choose to Come Out is a personal choice, but we can begin to live a much more comfortable life if/when we come to understand and accept that we are other-than-heterosexual.

    My thoughts.
     
  3. ChatNoir7

    Regular Member

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    Hey igoaround! If you can't come out but need someone to talk to, most of us (including me!) would love to chat. If your not comfortable with that my new second Bible, wikihow, suggests calling the GLBT national youth talkline. Good luck with David:couple_mm::call_me: peace out
     
  4. Pacack

    Regular Member

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    Out to everyone
    I've certainly been in a similar scenario to yours before. I know it's difficult, and I wish you all the strength you need to get through it. Know that I'm here to talk to if you need me.

    In the meantime, know that there are people out there who love and accept you, even if you don't feel like that's the case at the moment. Know that what you're feeling is normal and wonderful and valid. It's okay to be attracted to people of the same gender. Based on my personal experience, the best thing you can do at the moment is look inside yourself to find out who you are, and then to come to terms with whatever you find while you're looking there. Sometimes, what we find inside of us isn't what we necessarily want to find, but it's who you are, and you need to be able to come to terms with that.

    It takes time, and I want to emphasize that you shouldn't feel pressured to come out as anything until you're comfortable. You don't have to assign yourself a label if you don't want to, though you may find that it's nice to be able to identify as something concrete and well defined. Both those options are okay. Regardless, what's important is that you're safe, happy, and content with yourself and your surroundings. It will not happen immediately, but aim for that goal one step at a time.

    Feel free to get in touch with me, alright? You can call me James.
     
  5. dannyway23

    Regular Member

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    I this so like my situation igoaround. It's very hard when you can't express your love. It's even tougher if you're in a position unable to do so. Keep strong. I hope your prince charming will come and scoop you one day.