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I'm... having an identity crisis?

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by RoseChan00, Oct 18, 2017.

  1. RoseChan00

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    Okay, so, for the past year or two, i was identifying as a transgender female. I was comfortable with that, i expressed it proudly, and had support to back me up. But recently, due to unknown reasons, i broke down and suddenly... i just don;t know what i am anymore. I don't want to be cisgender... i already know that isn;t right in some strange form, but at the same time i don't know who or what i am anymore. i don't even know what i want to become. I would love somebody to talk to, or someone who can help me figure out what may have caused this, or what i am. I'm hoping i dont end up actually just being cisgender, after all of this worry over who or what i am... *sigh*
     
  2. MStream

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    Hi Rose,

    It seems to me that it's difficult not having a clear idea of your gender, but that it's not essential to have a specific gender or a name for it. I believe that whatever gender or genders you are, whether or not you have a clear sense of it and regardless of what you call it, is valid and meaningful and something to love and respect.

    Apart from cis male or trans female, here are some other things you might be, and some definitions for them. These aren't the only definitions for these terms, but they're pretty close to what many people mean by them.

    genderqueer: your gender defies easy definition and mixes elements of male, female, no gender, and/or a third gender.
    genderfluid: you move back and forth on a spectrum of more male to more female (and less commonly, a third gender or no gender)
    bi-gender: you embody two genders, usually male and female. You might experience them in alternation or as a mix (and yes, this can overlap with the previous two)
    agender: you don't really have a gender

    Do any of these feel familiar to you? What's your experience of gender these days?
     
  3. RoseChan00

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    Honestly as of late i've felt like i'm some mix between Agender and Female. Which... has really set me into this state of confusion i guess. But that's what i've experienced most recently.
     
  4. newts

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    What do you mean when you say mix between agender and female? What specifically has changed that is making you question your identity?
     
  5. RoseChan00

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    I don't really know. I originally thought i wanted to change my body, and present entirely as a female but it faded away and, well... It's tough to explain as it was a sudden thing for me.II jsut... don't know what caused it.
    And my a mix between female and Agender... i mean just that. I feel some sort of mix between being a Trans female and identifying as Agender/Androgynous
     
  6. Mihael

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    That doesn't seem like a drastic change. However, the decision whether to transition or not is difficult.

    And I feel like androgyne variety of a trans guy :slight_smile: You're not alone in this. I know I'm on the other side, but not extremely so and more both than neither.
     
    #6 Mihael, Oct 19, 2017
    Last edited: Oct 19, 2017
  7. RoseChan00

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    I don't know it just.. doesn't feel right to me... *sigh* I feel like i really want to transition but i know i can't , both monetarily and due to lack of willpower...
     
    #7 RoseChan00, Oct 19, 2017
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  8. Cinnamon Bunny

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    Have you been stressed out lately? Anything happen in your life recently? A big event, sudden loss, or a change? Positive or negative? I'm just wondering if you're feeling okay. Just questioning your identity can be overwhelming too. So maybe give yourself a chance to relax. Maybe give yourself time to feel like yourself again.
     
    #8 Cinnamon Bunny, Oct 19, 2017
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  9. RoseChan00

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    Uhm, i got a girlfriend... i questioned whether or not being trans was okay again... and recent sexual experiences may be what triggered my breakdown form my trans identity... I dont want to discuss them in details as i'm not comfortable doing that publicly, and without full membership there aren't any ways i can comfortably private message.
    (i'm getting off my computer for the night)
     
    #9 RoseChan00, Oct 19, 2017
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  10. Cinnamon Bunny

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    That's okay, I understand, you don't need to discuss is publicly. That sounds like a lot on your plate though, a lot of worry and stress on the mind. If you can, maybe take some time for self care. Maybe hang out with friends, snuggle up with a pet, have a cup of tea, watch a favorite movie, spend time in nature, a trip to the spa, whatever works for you. Just treat yourself. The mind needs space to chill and feel safe. Otherwise it can run ragged or start to disassociate.

    Be sure to get a good meal in too ♡
     
    #10 Cinnamon Bunny, Oct 19, 2017
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  11. RoseChan00

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    I dont have much free room to relax... and what room i do get neber gets used because none of my friends are availible... its just rough.
    (EDIT: Today is my birthday,as of typing this.)
     
    #11 RoseChan00, Oct 20, 2017
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  12. AlexJames

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    Happy birthday!!
     
  13. RoseChan00

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    Yeah, i don't exactly know how comfortable i am in this body, after what experiences I've had thus far. *sigh
     
  14. Cinnamon Bunny

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    ♡♡♡ Happy Birthday Rose! ♡♡♡
     
  15. Cinnamon Bunny

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    Btw, maybe I'm wrong, but if I recall correctly I don't think sexual experiences or preferences has anything to do with gender identity. Maybe ask about this in general in a thread topic without going into details about you.
     
    #15 Cinnamon Bunny, Oct 20, 2017
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  16. RoseChan00

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    they can have links together, but the only issue about it is it's never concrete to say the least. I know for a fact trans people tend to not have good sexual experiences in their assigned sex bodies but after transitioning they can enjoy it (just as a general example.)
     
  17. Cinnamon Bunny

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    Well if it's not concrete and not everyone is that way, maybe you are apart of that minority? I know it doesn't feel good to be so unsure about something so important about us. I think though, maybe in time things will get clearer for you. Time has helped me to be more sure and clear about things. Sometimes I have doubts, but then I get reassured again. I don't think I can be 100% sure about myself because I'm a complex person, we all are, but I can know myself well enough to be confident.
     
    #17 Cinnamon Bunny, Oct 20, 2017
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  18. Mihael

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    Happy birthday!

    Well, I don't think having bad sexual expeirences is true for every trans person. You got to know something about yourself. You know you can enjoy some things as you are now. But it doesn't mean that you can't be happier if you transition. On the other hand, you know you can be happy without it in that aspect. I find it very understandable and relatable that what feels good - feels good. And there are trans people who aren't straight, as well. And I feel like... the is always a margin of uncertainty. Am I making sense?