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Im going to do it... Trigger Warning: Suicide

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by David21201, May 17, 2015.

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  1. David21201

    David21201
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    It's the same fucking thing over and over and over again! I'm sick of this cycle we have.

    For the first time ever she just told me to kill myself. Maybe I should, I only seem to cause her trouble right?

    Besides who the fuck cares about a gender fucking queer pansexual who will never amount to anything? Nobody. My parents hate me. She hates me. They all hate me. Maybe I should actually go through with my plans tonight... I won't have to face assholes like them anymore...
     
    #1 David21201, May 17, 2015
  2. Peacemaker

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    Please dont kill yourself honey you have so much to live for
     
    #2 Peacemaker, May 17, 2015
  3. Winter Maiden

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    Don't do it!! If you go through with ending your life you wont be able to prove all the neigh sayers wrong! You have what it takes to make it in this world. Do not I repeat do NOT GIVE UP! You have so much life ahead of you and so many opportunities that you would be missing out on if you ended your life! Hang in there sweet heart! You are not alone you have me and the whole EC community! and let me tell you that I fucking care about you <3 Stay strong (*hug*)
     
    #3 Winter Maiden, May 17, 2015
  4. SeriousJack

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    Don't do it!! Not existing isn't much fun either!
     
    #4 SeriousJack, May 17, 2015
  5. Mirko

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    Hi there! We care about pansexuals, and we care about you. Self harming and committing suicide, are not the answers to anything. Solving temporary problems with a permanent solution is not the answer. Talking about things, and trying to make things better for yourself, are.

    If you can, share with us about your parents, and 'she.' How come you feel that everybody hates you? (*hug*)
     
    #5 Mirko, May 17, 2015
  6. David21201

    David21201
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    im a fucking whiny a bitch. Im loud and obnoxious and I try to hard to "be normal"

    My parents guilt tripped me into saying I'm fucking straight and they can be mentally abusive.

    She's honestly the onky friend I have that I fucking trust. She's bipolar af but she does hate me.

    I cant go 2 weeks without cutting or burning myself.


    Maybe ill go get high....that always seems affective....
     
    #6 David21201, May 17, 2015
  7. Mirko

    Mirko
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    Hi there! Have you ever considered that you are normal? You don't need to try to be normal, because you are normal.

    When your parents start engaging in guilt trips, have you considered to take one parent aside and let them know how you feel about them doing what they are doing to you?

    Is there a chance for you to speak with someone at your school or at a support group in your area that could provide you with support and strength, and feel your are included? How would you feel about calling the Trevor Support Line: 866-488-7386 or chat with someone on Trevor Chat?

    Please don't try to get high. You have already asked for help. You have done the hard part. Talk/write about the things that are going on in your mind at the moment. (*hug*)
     
    #7 Mirko, May 17, 2015
  8. David21201

    David21201
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    i live in the middle of nowhere. the highschools GSA is small and i cannot attend since im n9t in highschool. The Stonewall Alliance Center is 40 minutes away.

    I cant call Trevor project and I dont think Trevor chat will work on my fucking DS
     
    #8 David21201, May 17, 2015
  9. Mirko

    Mirko
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    How would you feel about speaking with a counselor at your school? Would that be an option for you? Have you tried reaching out to another friend that could potentially be there for you?
     
    #9 Mirko, May 17, 2015
  10. David21201

    David21201
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    My school counselor was the bitch who outed me as a lesbian when i told her i was questioning. The only friend I can reach out to lives 1000 miles away and doesn't have a phone. I'm fucking done with not having people near me to talk to..
     
    #10 David21201, May 17, 2015
  11. Mirko

    Mirko
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    I'm sorry to hear that your school counselor outed you. She should not have done that as it violates the trust you have bestowed in her and is highly unethical for a counselor to do so. Would there be a teacher that you can trust and speak with?

    I can understand understand that you really would like to have a friend near by so that you can speak with them when you need them. So maybe one thing you could try doing is building on your current friendship. Expand your circle of friends. How would you feel about that?

    If you could speak with a friend right now, what would you say to that friend?
     
    #11 Mirko, May 17, 2015
  12. David21201

    David21201
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    No, all my teachers (except my math teacher) are homophobic. I'm not comfortable telling my math teacher since I'm scared.

    Not in this small town. No new friends

    Cry...like I am doing right now
     
    #12 David21201, May 17, 2015
  13. Mirko

    Mirko
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    (*hug*)

    Even though things don't seem to be looking up at the moment, it won't be always like this. You have your entire life ahead of you. I'm sure you will achieve heights that you can be proud of and will count towards your achievements.

    How come you feel you can't make new friends?
     
    #13 Mirko, May 17, 2015
  14. David21201

    David21201
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    small town and a nerdy bigender pansexual person dont mix
     
    #14 David21201, May 17, 2015
  15. Mirko

    Mirko
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    Being bigender pansexual is just a small part of you. It doesn't have an impact on anything else that makes you, you. Do you have any interests, hobbies, or things that you like doing?

    How do you feel about trying to make some friends here on Empty Closets? EC is here to support you, and to help you to get through tough times.
     
    #15 Mirko, May 17, 2015
  16. David21201

    David21201
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    My interests are those of a person who should live in the city. I like the arts. Where I live its all mud and sports and being white and straight and cisgendered. And the LGBTQ+ are gay for attention

    I wouldnt mind EC friends
     
    #16 David21201, May 17, 2015
  17. Mirko

    Mirko
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    What kind of arts do you like? Is there something you could do online?

    I would encourage you to try setting yourself the goal of fostering a couple to a few EC friendships. Some of the EC friendships that you create could also give you the chance to share your experiences and knowing that that person understands what you are going through (due to their own experiences). Sometimes, it can be really helpful in just knowing that there is someone else that knows what it feels like experiencing some of the things you do at the moment.
     
    #17 Mirko, May 17, 2015
  18. gasian

    gasian
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    Hey there, I know that I'm not bigender or pansexual, but hey, it will get better, please believe me. That art loving nerd you see in the mirror? That's the next famous artist, or museum curator, celebrated by the artistic community. I come from and still live in a place where it's (currently)"all mud, and sports and being white and straight and cisgendered." The people like us who are different? We learn to celebrate who we are, because we are the unique people. It doesn't matter that we don't like sports when we are the ones helping the sports people with their grades. It doesn't matter that I'm asian and they're white, when I'm the one accelerating to the top and showing my best side, the smart side. You like the arts, yeah? What's your medium: music, drawing, painting, stories? Express, and celebrate who you are through what you do. I play the pain away with my saxophone and piano, or write it out into a book of secrets.

    As for the girl who told you to die: ignore her. People fear what they do not know, and she obviously doesn't know you. I firmly believe that there is somebody out there for everybody, including you. So don't give up just because she told you to. 20+years from now, when you're successful with somebody who loves you at your side, you're going to look at her in the face, and she's going to regret ever telling you that.

    As for who cares for you...I care. My heart truly goes out to everybody who considers suicide. You're young, and I know that you're brave enough to continue on each and every single day. You know why? Because I believe in you. I believe that you are more than a waste of space. I believe that you WILL amount to something. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger...so each day, remind yourself of that, and you WILL be stronger.
     
    #18 gasian, May 18, 2015
  19. David21201

    David21201
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    @Gasian she isnt afraid. Shes Bisexual. She knows what I am. She probably hasnt taken jer meds recently

    @Mieko I will try....
     
    #19 David21201, May 18, 2015
  20. Music Girl

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    Do NOT kill yourself, goddamn it! Look, I'm not going to sugarcoat it, and I'm not going to give you the sappy "you have so much to live for" bullshit. If you kill yourself, you are NEVER going to know what could have been. If you kill yourself, you will lose respect, and I'm sorry, but that is the truth. People will notice you're gone, and I know that your friend that lives 1000 miles away will. I don't know you, but I'm sure you're a great person. Please, don't kill yourself. Stay strong; do it for all of these people on EC that are responding to this post and for your 1000-mile-away friend.
     
    #20 Music Girl, May 19, 2015
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