1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

I'm gay but I only masterbate to women?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Afraida, May 23, 2012.

  1. Afraida

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 23, 2012
    Messages:
    32
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Colorado
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    I'm a 19 year old man. About 4 months ago I realized that I'm gay. However, when i thought I was straight, i was really into bdsm porn. Even now I only get off to that. I like the idea of being with a guy and having a boyfriend, but gay porn doesn't interest me because I find more value in the emotional aspect of a relationship rather than just the sexual aspect. I still masterbate to bdsm porn where it shows mostly if not always women. It usually takes me a few minutes of rubbing myself to get aroused enough to the point that I can finish. Is this normal? Am I still watching it only because it's become a habit (I've been watching it for years)? Or am I bisexual? I'm sorta confused :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
     
  2. dkny

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 23, 2012
    Messages:
    7
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Why do you thinkyou're gay?
     
  3. Afraida

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 23, 2012
    Messages:
    32
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Colorado
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    I had a sexual encounter with a man about 3 months ago and I LOVED it. i got more aroused than i ever was when I was dating a girl. We never had intercourse, but we did preform oral on each, and i gotta say, it was pretty great.

    Also, I remember that by the end of my last relationship with a girl, I remember cuddling with her and thinking to myself that it just didnt feel special in any way at all. I felt like I could have had that with any girl, even though I didnt want it with any girl. When i cuddled with that guy I gave oral to, it felt soooo right. Just everything felt complete in that moment.
     
  4. LostFound

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 22, 2012
    Messages:
    9
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    NC
    Gender:
    Male
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Masturbation and all that has nothing to do with your sexuality. It's been shown that there are perfectly straight guys that have only ever slept with women but watch strictly gay porn. It's really just a flavor. however if you do enjoy a womans company just as much as a guys or more so you may be bisexual although only you really know that.
     
  5. Pret Allez

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 19, 2012
    Messages:
    6,785
    Likes Received:
    67
    Location:
    Seattle, WA
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Well, porn doesn't tell you much about your own sexuality. Also, do you watch porn quite frequently? I know that porn addiction exists, and I know that the progression of it is characterized oftentimes by viewing of more "extreme" porn to the point that we have straight guys getting into gay porn or trans porn, and men who respect women getting into rape fantasy porn who aren't themselves the slightest bit interested in rape.
     
  6. Afraida

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 23, 2012
    Messages:
    32
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Colorado
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    I started watching porn at 10, and i started to masterbate at 12. I started viewing BDSM porn at about 12 or 13. Now when I watch it though, I lose interest very quickly. I'm hardly into gay porn. I don't think most guys in gay porn are very attractive (although a few are). I find that while watching female porn, I often get distracted by penis enlargement ads and I find I zone out looking at the penis in the ads.
     
  7. Pret Allez

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 19, 2012
    Messages:
    6,785
    Likes Received:
    67
    Location:
    Seattle, WA
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I would just say hold off and don't think that you have to define yourself based on arousal to various kinds of porn. I'd just focus on what you feel about people generally.
     
  8. Afraida

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 23, 2012
    Messages:
    32
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Colorado
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    I have been focusing on that, and I'm pretty sure I'm gay. I never found much satisfaction from dating and being romantic with a girl, but when I was with that guy... WOW. It felt RIGHT. When i had that first experience, it just felt like everything made sense, you know? Like I had finally let go of the lie I had been living by thinking I was straight. I felt like a huge weight I had always carried had been let go.
     
  9. Ianthe

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 3, 2011
    Messages:
    2,760
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Oregon
    Your attractions to real life people are much more relevant to your sexual orientation than your interest in porn.

    It sounds like the situations and power exchange depicted in BDSM porn are more interesting to you than whether you are physically attracted to the particular person that is shown in the situation.
     
  10. Afraida

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 23, 2012
    Messages:
    32
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Colorado
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Honestly, I feel like a girl on the inside, and when I watch BDSM porn i very often find myself wishing I could be one of the girls in the videos

    ---------- Post added 23rd May 2012 at 09:09 PM ----------

    This seems pretty accurate. The control and power aspect is probably what turns me on more than the actual women
     
  11. TheEdend

    TheEdend Guest

    I know you say you don't like gay porn, but have you tried BDSM with guys? Does that do nothing for you?

    I will agree with that others that, the way you describe it, there is something else going on rather than you being bi.
     
  12. Chip

    Board Member Admin Team Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    May 9, 2008
    Messages:
    16,551
    Likes Received:
    4,750
    Location:
    northern CA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    If you can remember where you saw or read this, I'm really interested, because it appears to contradict the data I've seen. It would be really helpful if you can find a citation or link. :slight_smile:

    To the OP: It does seem possible, from what you've said, that you find certain types of fantasy exciting, but enjoy different types of people/activities when it comes to in-real-life encounters. I don't think that's necessarily unusual and certainly not bad. I wouldn't get too hung up on labels; it sounds like you're enjoying the time you're spending with guys, and more so than girls, and, honestly, for now, that's probably all you need to know.
     
  13. brocub

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 18, 2012
    Messages:
    104
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Hamilton, ON
    There's more than one flavour of gay porn. It wasn't until I started getting into "professional amateur" porn that I found exactly what I was looking for. Search the kind of things you find physically attractive with men and add porn. There's something for everyone.

    Although I do understand watching straight porn. If I do search for the kind of guys I'm into, they'll often be having sex with a woman. If you add "gay" to the search query, a lot of the guys will be quite extreme instead of a happy median of what you want.
     
  14. NemesisPrime

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 15, 2012
    Messages:
    48
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I wonder, I've often fantasized about being in BDSM with another guy and I enjoy it. I like being on bottom and being forced to do things.

    I enjoy a cute but strong guy telling me to shut up and forcing something into my mouth.

    Does that have anything to do with my orientation? I'm curious.
     
  15. Chip

    Board Member Admin Team Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    May 9, 2008
    Messages:
    16,551
    Likes Received:
    4,750
    Location:
    northern CA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Enjoying domination is something different from sexual orientation. There are many reasons why someone might enjoy being dominated, and as long as that mindset and behavior doesn't carry itself over into everyday life (i.e, you let yourself get pushed around, don't like making decisions, etc) then there's no harm at all in it.
     
  16. confusedlady

    confusedlady Guest

    I also think that watching porn does not have a direct effect on real life desires. Lastly I have been really interested in gay porn (2 guys), something about 2 men going at it that is such a turn on. My pref though is straight porn and me picturing myself as the woman or lesbian porn, not picturing myself as anyone. I once got into beastility but stopped cause I felt bad for the animal...porn is porn, not real life.