I'm gay and in love with my straight best friend. HELP?!

My2cents

He's gay or bi, and can't deal with it. Or he's playing around to get a reaction from you which he thinks is funny. A guy stroking another guys leg to me he's gay or bi. No straight guy I know would do this! Maybe i being 42 and no know teenagers baysides my niece, might have something to do with my opinion.

 

Thanks Ianthe,
Phew...! this is real hard....and am scared bout it. I am day dreaming all the time about it, he looks too sexual for a guy, voice sounds so sexual,but yet he apears a serious-natured person, but kinda loosens up with me. Honestly, its a hard task to me.
Why this sounds so, is that I've never been with a man before, and I dont intend to be with another after him.
I just want to kiss him reeeaaal deep and hold him.
Thinking of him deeply gives me erection once in a while...its that far.

When I held his waist one day while going out of my office, I wanted to melt.....honestly....it really felt so tender........he quickly kinda doubled his steps.....I tried it later on when we went to the market.....he actually doubled his steps to my market...I dont know if he is just shy, waiting for me to make the big move, but he has a funny way of showing it.
If I open up, he may never talk to me again, and I cant live with it.
Pls help !!!

 

I'm another one in exactly the same situation as you. I have fallen completely in love with a guy I met a few years ago. We have a lot in common and have become very close friends. I'm still in the closet and most who know me believe I'm straight. I do think there are a few friends of mine who at least suspect me being gay and he may very well be one of them. He on the other hand is most likely straight but I find enough signals to keep hope alive. For instance, even though he is a very good looking guy, has not had a girlfriend the entire time I have known him. He also has a number of tendencies which would suggest he is gay.

I have made some small advances towards him with no real success. He does enjoy letting me give him massages and we wrestle all the time. Our wrestling always has some sexual tension (at least to me). I have come to the point where I need to do something. The more I have let this fester the more in love I become. In the end I really don't want to lose one of my best friends over this.

I've tried to gauge how he would take it if I came out to him. I kind of believe he would be accepting but I do think it would diminish the friendship (we hang out a lot and have traveled together in close quarters). He might be less eager to go camping in a small tent together or wrestle with me if he knew I was gay. Also, when I do come out to him I don't think I'll tell him I'm in love with him right away. I'd like to see how the initial reaction to me coming out goes then proceed from there. He will probably pronounce that he is straight and that will be that. I don't want to creep him out with an "I'm totally in love with you" speech and possibly ruin the friendship.

My only advice from one person going through this to another is to not let it drag on. It only becomes more and more painful to deal with. If they are truly great friends they deserve to know the truth about who we are anyways. I realize how difficult the prospect of losing someone that you love is but what we are doing is not healthy either. We are also letting other potential real mates slip away due to our obsession.

Good luck whatever you decide to do.

 

So what did you end up doing

 

To me it seems like he IS gay. Usually gay people act homophobic when they are in the "denying their sexuality" phase. Its suppose to "macho" them up and take away any suspicions that they might be gay. I know cuz that was me. i think he's struggling with his sexuality and is gay. You should have a true heart-to-heart with him and tell him you want to have a completely honest and serious discussion with no jokes. Be direct and ask him if hes gay. Say that you wont care if he is and wont tell anyone. Force him to tell you the truth but do it in a subtle way. Good luck and hope it all works out in he end

 

I had a situation exactly like this and my advice to you is to move on. He's not gay no matter how gay he acts. If he says he's not you should just leave it at that. I know you'd probably get jealous to see him with other friends and them touching each other but bear it. Man this happened to me months ago and I'm still jealous whenever I see him. Whatever you do don't start ignoring him just because he spends time with other friends. I did that and it did not end well. Were still good friends but I accidentally said I didn't want to be as close to him as we were before. And trust me we were DAMN close same with you people thought we were gay. It sucks now...he tries to avoid being alone with me as much as he could, we never hang out by ourselves anymore, and we don't touch each other as much haha . I wish he was gay...he acts more gayer then me! Anyways good luck buddy and move on and look for someone in college. Someone will be there for you! FIGHTING!

 

I know how you feel,I also had a crush like this,like,the first time i saw him,i thought thai i never knew other boy more beautiful than him on my life,and THEN it's when i started to get so confused about my sexuality,and i worked hard to stay very close to him,and I did it,but i wasn't close enough since that crush on him maked me scared that he could reject me but even so we were together almost every time on our Scoutism,in the last day of scoutism,we never got so close to each other,i invited him to make a walk and we got to a waterfall,little,and we played in the other and i tried to fall accidentally on him so we could stay close enough to a kiss,and he said something that scared me,he say that he could leave the scoutism(and then i had that feeling of abandon)next year(it all happened on 2011)and then we continued to see each other and talk a lot,but then i noticed that he weren't coming and when i stopped to think that he really leaved,i felt sad,that my world was coming down,and then,my head was a complete blur,i decided that i wanted someone to replace Roberto and i used a friend who i think that is clearly straight(he's just like always with a girlfriend)and started to have dirty thoughts with him just like i did with Roberto,but i know that i can never forget him,so i Leave my tips for you
1:Try to question him(discretly)about his sexuality with jokes or people that he likes
2:try to be more sensitive next to him and he may feel something for you
3:Tell him that you're liking someone and see how he will react
Well that's all and good luck,friend!!

 

the more you fall for him the harder it will be to get over him. and i know that may hurt, but im going though the same thing. ive been i love with my best friend for 5 years now and am trying to get over him now. it's probably the hardest thing to do right now. i may never be over him at this point. so i leave you with the warning. if he is straight and you keep falling for him, the more sense of worth and self you will loose.

 

Don't worry. I felt the same way with one of my friends and i confessed to him a few weeks ago. I knew he was straight but i still confessed to him because i couldnt hold it in anymore. He said tht we could be really close friends and he said it didnt matter if i liked him or if i ws gay. Bt i know how u feel because i feel empty without him and i feel alive whenevr i see him.
My advice to u is to think about when where and how to tell u like him and if he accepts that you're gay thn confess to him.

 

I had the same issue. I told my friend and she didn't believe and we drifted apart. She only believed me when I broke down crying in a laneway and later attempted suicide. I'd love to hear how things turn out x

 

That is the exact situation i found myself in recently. My friend always was flirty to me going back a few years,last march he got a really really pretty girlfriend it was heartbreaking and there still together,but the flirtiness continuesd until recently.

ONe day he just said i dont care if your gay and i told him everything,hes the only one who knows. About a week later we were walking and i basically told him he was the love of my life and that i could never stop thinkinkg of him,he accepts it and were still friends but he was definitely weirded out,he said well always be friends but dont come onto him because it makes him feel uncomfortable.

He did accept me but i will never ever be with him and thats not easy,and theres no doubt that he wa a little startled ,so take your time because theres a very good chance his answer will break your heart and wreck your friendship.

 

That sleep over,eye to eye contacts for seconds?
THOSE ARE EXACTLY THE SAME WITH ME HERE!
We're in the same situation and both of us wonders if our bestfriend is gay...

When I had a sleep over with him with another friend of us we were so wild like we want to masturbate together... I was shocked when it doesn't even matter to him whether we are all 3 guys to masturbate together... That is the FIRST thing im trying to focus on if he is really gay or not... Second he always approaches me and talks to me rather internet or personal communication whenever I am mad at him, THIRD he always feel sad whenever he thinks that I'm mad at him...

Until now I'm trying to know if his really gay... He doesn't talk about girls too much he told me once about having a girl crush but he doesn't even mind that girl even though that girl is our classmate... Today, I outted to him I told him I was into him and I like him very much... I dream of him I think of him everyday and before I sleep.... His reaction was a smile with a small blush... It was weird... But I'm blushing inside when that happened a while ago.... But STILL I'm not really sure if his gay or not.... Although in my opinion I really think his not straight at all....

 

I agree with what pretty much everyone has been sayin so far; whether you think he is gay or not, let it go. He may be gay but he doesn't want to be, give him time! Also I don't remover reading anything about his religion? Is he a religious person? If so beware! If he is gay and merely hiding the fact or denying it, for the sake of not sinning, and he finds out you are gay, you will just become a temptation and be will probably push you away.....
But also I sincerely doubt he is homophobic, but I also wouldn't suggest that he is gay. It seems to me that he could just be curious and not looking for a relationship or anything like that. Studies have shone that many teens do seek male intimacy on a non sexual level!

 

I know exactly what you feel cause I’m in the same position. I feel so beautiful when I’m with my best friend (who is also the person I felt in love) like I could sacrifice everything even my family, other friends, money and whatever you could imagine just to be with him. From the other side when I’m not with him I become jealous and hateful and ready to kill every other person who is with him instead of me.

I’m in the same position like you with the same situations ( I met him in the high school, we became friends in the second year, we sat together in the class, and day by day I started to fell in love with him, he claims that he is straight and he also had sex one time with his x-girlfriend something that I cannot even imagine because I get mad, and he don’t know I’m gay ).

Now we have finished the school and we are going to start our new lives as college students in the colleges we will chose to go at the end of the summer. I want to go where he will go but it s very difficult…never mind. The summer has began and we go out for coffee and swimming and it's very lovely being with him. But as it's normal he has other friends too ( something that I can’t accept ) and I really get mad and jealous.

I don’t know what to do, I have no one to advice me and to speak to about this and I’m really sad and in bad mood. I cannot tell him because I’m afraid of losing him but I also cannot stop thinking of him in every of my steps. I am getting hard every night when I’m thinking of us and I am planning even to “rape” him if he don’t agree to lie with me.

I cannot handle this situation any more. From the one hand I can’t do a step without him and I’m thinking of telling him my feelings but from the other I want to run away, to try to forget him and never to look back from him. I so confused I want him so badly and I ready to kill for just to be with him.

Love is such a beautiful thing when you are with the person you love and so sad that can ruin everything inside you when you are rejected. For the moment I have neither, only the pleasure of his friendly company and the hope from the small things that in times shows me that maybe one day I ll hear “I do” for his lovely lips.. arhh…so confused …

Sorry if I made any mistakes. English is not my language.

 

Hey,

I just wanted to know, have you told your friend yet and, if yes or no, how are you and hows it going?

Take Care

 

This made me think of the Billy Joel song Billy Joel - Tell Her About It Lyrics You just change the pronouns around from her to him and girl to boy.

 

Me and my boyfriend have been going out for almost a year. We are both freshman. We both love each other very much. But in the eighth grade I had the EXACT same problem. Like I could copy and paste what you wrote and use it as mine and not no the difference. Only thing is he spent the night at my house every weekend. I started to have feelings for him. And I didn't know what todo. But I sucked it up and told him,and now we are such a happy couple. Our 1 year anniversary is coming up 12/28 and we already have gifts for each other. Point is jus bite the bullet and go for it, if your meant to be together god will do it, and you will be happy, just like me and my bf.

 

I can only speak from my experience. My best friend was acting homophobic on the internet but in real life he seemed to have nothing against being gay. One day I sent him a message on the internet that was blunt and said I'm bisexual. He was cool with it and said that he had nothing against it. One week later on valentines day I sent him a love poem and then said I meant to send it with him. After that he told me he was also bi. I think the best thing for you to do would be to tell him bluntly. I'm sure that you will be able to remain friends at the least. And maybe you will turn out like me and become a couple with your friend.

 

Well, i would tell him your gay first. I did it with my crush, it may not be the same with your guy but. Just. try not to make him uncomfortable. When/if he finds out, DON'T let him play with your feelings! (like i did :bang: ) If he's a true friend, he won't care and will be happy for you. Do what ever you want cause, i know nothing!

 

Maybe he's through with his problem by now considering OP posted 2 years ago.