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Im Finding Out, Once And For All!!

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by zelos11, Dec 14, 2013.

  1. zelos11

    Regular Member

    Sep 9, 2013
    Likes Received:
    somewhere in the northern hemisphere :o
    Sexual Orientation:
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    Hello, and thank you for clicking on my first teensy step to not just think "yes, no, maybe, HELL NO!, yes, yes, NEVER, maybe, dunno?!" anymore!
    But move towards figuring out what I am, and what I like! If you want to give me tips and advice, cheer me on, call me a chicken, help motivate me to grow the proper cojones needed or if you wanna ask me something, post a reply! Other than that, im not looking for anyone to tell me what i am, i wanna find that out myself, but maybe you have had some similiar thoughts? Please tell me! :grin: But as the first time i ever tell anyone, even if its inkognito strangers, i want to make kind of a big deal about it! :grin:
    I wanna to share my story and i would love comments, questions and tell more of my short, strange life so far, but i dont really care if anyone reads it, i just want it out! :slight_smile:

    The synopsis is my dilemma and wish in a tight little bow, below is the intro starts about my country and early parenting with my liberated, punk-rock, anarchist single-mother!

    I have been using this site for about 5-6 months before i registered this fall, i mostly read reading. This is an amazing site! Been trying to post this thread for months. I have written it all down then crossed it all out after 10-15 correctional reads and have no idea why i didnt press post! this has happened 6-7 times, now its getting ridicilous :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
    .if someone could teach me some forum-ninjamoves i would be gratefull! Here we go :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:

    I was up really late to finish this, havent done correctional reads, and the last chapters are done hurry-like ill just post it so its finally out there, and ill fix it as i go along.

    During age 6-12, Elementary School. I was a little rebelious anarchist during childhood, you know, the class' troublemaker and smart-mouth. I was tiny so i got beat up alot, haha i deserved most of it. I went through elementary school unkissed. I had never kissed anyone, and never had a girlfriend, not for a lack of trying, I loved talking to girls, but asking the one i liked if i could walk her home? Phew, that was too much bravery for me!

    But there was still many interesting things happened in elemtary, I discovered that the weird little hose attached to our groin did more than just pee! Me and a classmate who also was a bit slow with the ladies discovered our first erections together at around age 7-8 while googling Pam Anderson with a broadband, loading took an hour. That time they werent usable for much, but not long after, 9-10 og age the wonders of masturbation was the center of the universe! I invited the same buddy who i discovered the growing abilities with, lets call him W from here on, i had to tell him of this fantastic thing u can do to urself! Turned out he had discovered it himself, so naturally we googled postars and did our businiess sitting next each other, that wasnt too wierd, thought each other tricks and techniques. Me and W were never very close friends, we lived in the same neighbourhood. So these "peculiar" playdates werent regular. Then there was some sleepovers, it started slow, just playing what we used to play, choke the chicken under covers, hands to ourselves. By 3rd sleepover, we were playing "sex" our sticks were way to small to penetrate anything so it was just rolling around naked really. Then W moved away outside of town, and i dint see him for 2 years. Summer before 7th grade 1 year untill starting Junior High, age 12. I met up with W and played softgun war on a abonded barn. It ended with us, without talking, dropped the pants as so many times before. As we groped and grabbed to get it up, we both noticed something on the other.

    Both had now grown a properly usable penis. Withouth a word, we got into positions, it went automatic, he was humping me, and i could clearly feel him inside me, not far mind you, as our tools were still very small and well, i dont remember much of it other than it was exciting stuff, but it wasnt a hallelija moment far from it. But our curiosity was huge so This happened multiple times during that 7th grade in VERY different levels of pleasure, and every time without a word, and never eye contact, we both liked it that way, this was not for making each other happy, this was never for reaching climax, it never happened to me, happened to him once i think. It was very quick quickies as to not be seen by anyone. The only purpose of this adventure was exploring the possibilites of, wasnt much creativity so we tried two types- O and A, mostly A.

    This is liberating! Only two people knew that story..

    That is the first and only man i have ever had sex with. And we never did it again after 7th was over. Didnt talk to each other anymore. I didnt miss him, i was glad we werent friends anymore, but wasnt sure why.
    Summer Before Starting 8th grade. 13 Years old. Only kissed 2 people EVER, my own mom and grandma.
    Never had a girlfriend, not for lack of interest but skill and courage! Despite this, I had performed and recieved blowjobs, I had penetrating (cathced and pitched) gay sex approxemately 15 times. Only maybe 2 or 3 of these intercourses lasted more than a few minutes and ended in climax. Despite this "impressive" booty catchrate, I could never speak of it, and i didnt want to either.

    With high school, girls became easier to talk to, and it turned around, they were also chasing us! And i loved girls! they were so mysterious and intruging, wonderfull hair, soft skin and big blinking eyes with long flapping lashes and the amazing and wonderfull bouncy parts! ... Oh my! I didnt think much about what i did with W after that, girls became the center of my universe. And stayed straight without thinking about any other possibilities, not because i was afraid or anything, but girls were the most interesting to me, and i was so clearly attracted to them. Girls turned me on wherever i turned, i didnt doubt ever i was straight, untill this year. 2013 Its soon 2 years since me and silje broke apart, i have been a pathetic mess most of the time, sleeping with the easiest of skanks, untill i got sick of it. Took 3 months TOTAL and complete selibacy, and when i returned to the bar scene i felt cured! No more heartaches or pain, just fun and party!

    Then suddenly in times when really erect, usually while masturbating to regular girl on guy porn and this short, homoerotic..flashes! Apperead in my head, just for a half sec, i stopped my selfbeating when it happened. As the weeks and months went by, those flashes came more often, and longer, but still only when self-sustaining. These pics, were always of guy with hidden face, ripped body but not a hamburger, tall and a long hard rod varieted between white and black guys. And whats the weirdest is, I have never tested it out, i have never in my whole life wanted, really wanted and fantasized about sleeping with a man! With W i didnt want HIM, i just wanted to try out that new shiny roster.

    This started getting very disturbing, so i decided to let the flashes just run their course withouth focusing them out. I sat with a limp limb and just relaxed. The flashes came, and they played out more, just a hot guy working out alone, naked.As the camera glides over his body, the muscles arouse me, his sweating, and moaning. Its growing. Here hes gonna take out his O, that was weird, as i watch him stroke himself, and that magnificent dick is getting hard and long, cut, there i was hard as hell. Holy shit, this was not web porn, it was all in his head!

    Then, i decided i should just try. But i never had the balls to go out and try to find a dude. I still want, but i still think most about girls, and i know im not gonna loose that. So if i do enjoy this mansex, it would mean i am a Bisexual, okay. But can someone explain this to me, if there is a girl i like, i can sit and imagine us together 15 years ahead. I cant even visualize having a boyfriend! I have never turned after a dude in the street, or seen a hot guy and imagined stuff with him, never! I never look at dudes like i do girls, i run into poles and trashcans, and strip clothes of bartenderbabes in my mind. But i can imagine myself steaming mansex with an imagined stud, and get so turned on im flippin somersaults in my seat! :O

    The thing i think is interesting about my erotic mind is my preferences of the two! See, girls i like them same age as me, or a year or two younger and short, so i can lift and toss and flip her all around during sex, and i love stroking a girls hear while shes resting om my chest after. mm love it :slight_smile: In contrast, when i fantasize that dreamstud pounds me, im always the reciever, hes older than me, broader shoulders and a taller, and needs to be strong enough to toss, turn flip and dip me! dont need much muscle and shit, but i wanna be really manhandled! And i want to be cuddled and cared for after :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: Isnt that weird? I want to manhandle girls, but i want to be manhandled like a girl if men! Is there like, a good reason for that, or is it just freaky...? Its awesoem to try beeing treated a little nice once in a while :wink:

    Im a boy, 21 years old, I live in the beautifull wilderness of Norway! I live in a small town with around 40k citizens. I love this country for plenty reasons, but hate it for only a few. Its a big country in erea (european standard!) but one of the least populated in all the world. If we add swedish and polish seasonworkers its about 5 million humans in total(whut). And with so much untouched forest and ever-snowcapped mountains, people naturally live in the 5 biggest cities, or spread around in tiny villages and hamlets. One backside of this is that communities who like some privacy or is subject to harrassement, This includes primarly gay men. Lesbians and Bisexualls dont recieve the same level or any harassement at all. I have seen news ads adressing the issue and its horrible. Blind assaults on the street in daylight and destroying private properties. This happens all around the world, yes but in such a small country, everyone in that community feels threatened. Dont get me wrong, its not homophobic by nature in this country.Majority of the public says they dont mind it any different than straights in nation-wide polls! its just some juvenile Neo-Nazis or Skinhead F**KERS. The result is most openly gay men live in the capital. The other result? Young boys wondering about this dont have anyone to talk to who was there once. Result? "Jokingly" Homophobic humor amongst teen guys. Result of that? Those trying to come out gets called a faggot before hes even decided to come out, how long you think before he tries again? Well, there you know my story takes place. Lets go!

    This story begins around as far as i can remember, a years time after my earliest memory (Falling from a pinebush into concrete) Im guessing around 3-4. So, I was asking my mom what it means to be moms and dads actually . My dad didnt live with us, so the obvious answer didnt occur me :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: she explained how everything must have a mom and dad to be created. Mom was a young single mom. quite big mouthed, and a little too honest for her sons young ears! That was the first time i heard the sex talk. Condoms and all. Hehe, a bit off topic, but there is always time to look back and laugh at the 90's. Mom didnt get a single parenting book, her son was gonna learn things how they should be learned! Well, as i started grasping things called love, care, friends and enemies, around 4 years old. I asked mom if all boys HAVE to be dads when they grow up, because i wanted to work in the zoo instead! :slight_smile: Well, she told me that if boys wanted to be dads, they had to find a girl and treat her nice and etc. etc.
    Thats when she did something that has made me respect her alot growing up. She said; "When you grow up, you can decide yourself if you want to make a family or not. But if you want to make a family, you need to be 2 adults. And it dont have to be mom and dad! Some babies have 2 dads who live toghether, some have 2 moms. Some dads may be a mom who dressed as a dad! And everyone can make a family with who they want, and love who they want. " I doubt all that got processed at once, but kudos mom! That is real parenting, letting me know that anything is ok before i even cared, did something awesome when i started to care, around the time my down there started kicking, i looked at the girls, never boys, but i have never during my life had any prejudice for sexual freedom :slight_smile: that talk ended with me claiming that i didnt wanna make family with anyone, but live in the zoo with mom when i grew up. :slight_smile:
  2. unknown17050

    Regular Member

    May 13, 2013
    Likes Received:
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight but curious
    I would say you are bisexual depending on what it is that you have posted, of course it is understandable that being cuddled and dominated womanly is something someone may like, which only proves you're into dominatrix's. Which is interesting but the fact that you're not into men emotionally kind of proves weather or not which direction you intend to go into, also many homosexuals have often found early sexual responses at younger ages such as sex with same gendered friends, something to consider. I found alot of commonality with the story about not having the guts to ask out any girls in high school, I sometimes wonder myself about weather I was just simply gutless or I was somehow subconsiously in denial somehow; I need more meditation on this myself, while I think the same can be said for you; meditation/deep thinking is good for the soul and the person inside. :slight_smile: Best of luck and a very intriguing life you have had.