Some of you may know my story, but the last 6 or so months I have been struggling with the fact that I am likely gay, but in engaged to a beautiful women (we've been together 9 years). Today I wrote a "coming out" letter, and I plan on giving it to her on Sunday. I am scared, excited and sad all at the same time. I have played out this scenario in my head about a million times, and I really don't know how she will react. I know it's not just up to me, but the hard part now is trying to figure out if I want to stay or leave. I really don't want to leave her but I really want to explore life as a gay man.
This is a really difficult situation. It might be best to wait for her reaction before deciding whether to stay together or not (as there are two of you in the relationship), but you also have to consider what's right for you. I'm not sure I know your story, sorry. Are you sure you're gay or do you think you might be bi? Would your fiancé be willing to open up your relationship? Best of luck for Sunday.
This will be not only the end of one chapter in your life, but the start of a new chapter. You know what you want and need, now make sure to stay focused on being the person your supposed to be.
I'm not entirely sure if I'm gay or bi, but I've accepted the fact I will never know the answer until I go out and experience real life gay relationships. I'm not ruling out anything at this point but since accepting that I'm not straight, I've reflected a lot on my past and also my internal desires and my gut is telling me I'm more on the gay side. I think an open relationship would be nice for me but unfair on her, especially if I did figure myself out to be gay.
Wishing you the very best. You have had time to get used to your decision and your fiancé will also need time to adjust to the new reality. Your desire to lead an honest and authentic life is commendable.
Yes, I get that. It's hard to know with little or no experience to go on. And I understand what you've said about an open relationship, I feel that too. Best wishes for Sunday.
Good luck on Sunday! And may I offer up some advice? Have you thought about talking to her instead of handing her a letter? I know a letter may be a little easier for you to tell her exactly how you feel without interruptions, but conversations lead to so much more. Maybe she'll ask you questions you have not thought about or opened up to with her. I know that happened for me. My wife asked me all kinds of things when I told her about me being bi and I felt much better talking to her about it. I think she did too. But whatever you decide, best of luck.
I did it. Last night I handed her the letter and we discussed it in detail for a few hours. We both balled our eyes out. Neither of us slept last night as we were both too upset. This morning she's still crying. This without a doubt was the most difficult and horrible thing I've ever done. I thought that telling her would come with a sense of a relief but it's been the opposite, I feel depressed, guilty and just plain terrible. I really hope I've done the right thing.
I'm sorry you both are having a tough time. Give it some time. This is very emotional news for our significant others to hear.
Those first few days are terrible. I am so so sorry you both are having such a hard time. It is all a process and nothing stays exactly the same through it. You both need to work through this together and you now can talk about what you are feeling and see if things have changed or stayed the same on your end with what you want. Keep being true to yourself and what you are feeling while being supportive to her. So sorry. Ugh I know it's so incredibly tough.
I'm really sorry that you're both having a difficult time. I agree with what previous posters have said, give it some time and keep talking.
Thank you for coming back to update on how things went. I'm sorry it was so difficult. I'm sure the revelation came as a shock to her. She is going to need time to process, and may need to ask questions and/or talk more with you about it before she can process things. Just be supportive. That doesn't mean changing your mind or trying to be someone you're not to make her happy, tho.
Lost, I wish I could give you a great big hug of support right now. I've been following your story as you've shared it on my posts. You and I are in similar situations except I am married. The first few days/weeks are miserable. All I can suggest to you is that you be there for her. Continue to talk to her and ask her what it is she needs from you, and be prepared to give it to her....even it means she doesn't want to see or talk to you for a few days. As someone else said, she's processing now. You've been dealing with this issue for some time; she's just now been blindsided by it. It's excruciatingly difficult. Be strong, and be there for each other. Good luck to you both. And please keep us updated if you so wish to share.
I told my wife of 10 years last Monday. Pretty much the same result. Over the last few days I have remained pretty distant and have worked a lot. Last night I asked her what we should do. She offered bringing other guys into our relationship. I'm completely against that. I just don't think it's right. I thought that she would just leave and I could deal with it but she wants counseling and other options to stay together. I told her I wasn't broken and I really didn't want to see a counselor. I feel for you buddy I just wish I would have done it before I got married 10 years ago
Sorry for the lack of update guys. It has been an incredibly difficult 12 days. There have been periods of tears and periods of laughter. She really is an amazing person and has been so supportive. We are still best friends and for the moment have decided to stay together. We've had a couple of very difficult conversations. She is ok with me meeting with LGBT groups and making gay friends to test the waters. We have agreed to keep the discussion open, and if either becomes unhappy we will let the other know. The feelings of guilt and sadness are still there but I've had moments of feeling great, I guess because for the first time in ages I haven't felt anxious and depressed about my sexuality. Also, I told a close gay friend about the entire situation. He has been very supportive, and offered unbiased opinions. I feel like by telling him it was a big step forward in becoming my true authentic self. Hindsight is a bitch of a thing, but I wish I had told her about my sexuality a lot sooner. I would have saved myself many sleepless nights. Things aren't great but they're no where near as bad as I thought they would be. I also regret coming out via a letter. This really upset her, as she thought she had no say on the situation. Which is not what I wanted, but it was the only way I could build up the courage to get the conversation started. I will try and keep you all in the loop. Less-Lost4
