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I'm afraid

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Breanna03, Sep 9, 2018.

  1. Breanna03

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    I tried to post this earlier but I must've messed up ... sorry

    I realized fully today that I'm completely and horribly attracted to another girl. I think I'm bi but I'm really not sure. I know I'm attracted to men absolutely and today I've realized that I'm into women, too? The issue with this is that I'm terrified to say anything.

    I'd like to be in a relationship with her and we talked about it today, but I feel like it wouldn't be fair to her. I've always described myself as straight so I even surprised myself.

    Both of my parents are fully accepting as well as my sister but I still feel terrified. Like I'd be a disappointment or like they'd be uncomfortable with me afterwards even though I KNOW THEY WON'T BE. My sister and I will point out attractive women and I'm even convinced she isn't straight herself. I'm just so scared.

    Half (if not most) of my family is very, VERY conservative, Christian, you know the whole ordeal. They love to remind me about how they want to live long enough to meet my grandchildren.

    I just feel like the words don't want to come out (hah!). I'm a very reserved person and I feel that if I said anything I would be out in the open, bare for everyone to see and I HATE it. I'm so afraid of judgement but I care about her so much. And I can't stand keeping it between the two of us. I'm completely new to everything ... relationships, and of course dealing with not being "normal". I go to a school with a majority of the kids being openly (and proudly) LGBTQ+, kissing their significant others and so on. But again I dont feel SAFE.

    I'm only a sophomore in high school, as well. I need help.
     
  2. Rade

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    Hello my user name is Rade on the forum im 42 and bi/gay. I had feelings for a guy when I was about 16 and at school . It's a confusing time, especially when we are young.
    I believe you should go with what you feel in your heart. If you don't you may regret it. If you like her go for it. You may be bisexual. You may enjoy being with her and then date other females in the future. Counseling may help you as well.
    I dated the guy at school for 3 yrs age 16 to 19. We had fun but it was all secret which made me feel dirty and guilty. But you say you have support of some family members which is excellent . At your age enjoy exploring your sexuality, you have nothing to be ashamed of at all .
    Rade
     
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  3. Hyde1905

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    Pretty much the same situation here but I don’t like guys and I’m trying to tell my friends rather than family. I’ve managed to tell one person but they live a long way away and I’m friends with a lot of openly lgbt people in my school so I know I will be accepted. I’ve tried to tell someone before but I just couldn’t say it. Like u said: the words don’t come out. Ik exactly how u feel. I feel like maybe my issue is that I don’t want the people I tell to tell others and it spread around the whole school when im only comftorble with my closer friends knowing. Could that be the same for you?
    That’s why I found it easier to tell my long distance friend as she has nobody to tell for it to spread around my school as she doesn’t go there.
     
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  4. Love4Ever

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    Hi there. I realize it must be so hard to have all these new feelings descend on you seemingly out of the blue AND have to deal with the issues of your family all at once. It sounds like your immediate family is accepting which is good. If nothing else you know you will have them there for you. As for your extended family, as terrible as it is, what they think doesn't matter. You don't owe them anything and you should be true to who you are. You don't owe them grandchildren or anything else. They may come around. They may not, but that is their loss.
     
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  5. Breanna03

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    As of earlier today I've told two people; one of them, one of my friends I've known since middle school, goes to another school but I know she's asexual so it felt a bit more comfortable with her and she was really nice about it. The second person I've known for a year now and she's openly bi. She was absolutely perfect about it and honestly just reacted as if it were nothing surprising which is exactly what I needed. I think we're in the same boat here. I'm an introverted person so I only tell a few people few details about few things and the idea of me suddenly coming out as something other than an invisible person (She's a pretty popular girl) who would possibly be dating her??? It scares me a bit.

    We can get through this together, I'm sure of it :slight_smile:
     
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  6. Breanna03

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    Thank you for taking the time to help me. I know there will certainly be a few of them that would probably not speak to me for a while if I'd say something about myself. I don't know if I already mentioned this but my uncle is one of the worst regarding anyone who may have sexual relations with the same gender. He likes to remind us how "they" (as if it's impossible for me to be a part of it) are abominations. He believes it's an absolute sin and isn't afraid to openly mock anyone who lacks his toxic masculinity. I know it's a bit different being that I'm his niece and I'm a girl but I don't know. I think my grandma would, although she probably wouldn't fail to mention her "bisexual granddaughter and her GIRLFRIEND" like it's some sort of shocking revelation.

    I'll give myself some time with them, I'm sure it might be another year or so. Or maybe I'll never say anything. We'll see.

    Thank you again. (also I saw your post on my profile ... I'm like an old lady and I'm a little confused about how things work on this so I'm sorry I haven't responded yet I'm not ignoring you)
     
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  7. Breanna03

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    Hello!
    It's a bit strange for me, though, because I remember the first time I saw her I'd thought she was one of the prettiest people I'd ever seen but I didn't feel particularly different about it. Just appreciating another girl's beauty!
    I really, really want to just tell her to hell with it. I know that if I spend too long pitying myself then she'll just find somebody that's more readily available. I talk to her every day and she knows how I feel and I know how she does but I don't know how to handle that either since I've never been in any type of relationship. The sad thing is we're both very introverted people so it makes things a lot harder in that respect, too. I've considered counseling for a lot of things, actually. I definitely have depression and could get help with that but it's still more things to accept that I don't want to share with my family. I can't ask for a counselor without them being a little suspicious.

    The whole idea of a secret is what messes me up. I think I still have some of that mindset that if someone sees me holding hands with her they're going to judge me. I'm trying to set goals for myself so I don't stay the way I am right now. I've come out to two of my closest friends, I have only a few more but the biggest one is the easiest one: my sister. I love her so much and we always will talk to each other about how attractive a certain actress is or something mildly gay like that and it won't be weird! I actually think she's in the same boat as I am but I just don't know.

    Thank you for your advice!
     
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  8. Love4Ever

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    No prob. :slight_smile: It took me a while to figure out the whole wall posting thing myself. I even posted a response once on my own wall instead of the other person's and got so confused. :slight_smile:
     
  9. Love4Ever

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    That's great you have a great relationship with your sister. I do too. Unfortunately, she's as straight as a ruler lol.
     
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  10. Rade

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    It not always easy, you have come along way and I remember having all these intense feelings. It was also my first relationship which made it even more difficult. So I know it's really hard. But go will it if you feel comfortable. I'm only coming out now at 42. Yeah some people have been amazing and others not. But you get to a point where you don't really care. You just feel you have to be you. I feel happier at 42 than at point in my life . Go with your heart, let it guide you, you deserve to be happy.....
    Rade
     
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  11. Hyde1905

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    Yep I’m an introverted person to. I only say things if I have to and only small details about it. It’s great that you have told two people already. Hopefully if u keep going u can get support from everyone.
     
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  12. silverhalo

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    Hey coming out is super scary, especially if you think there are members of your extended family that wouldn't approve. It's easy for us all to say it but I do think it's true that you should try and live your life for what makes you happy. If you read some threads from the later in life section there are plenty of people who had a situation similar to the one you are in but tried to hide their same sex feelings and now regret it. If you also have attraction to men, there is no reason that further down the line you don't date them too but looking back and regretting things is difficult too.
    I think just try and take it one step at a time, it's great to see you have told a couple of people, you can just take it steadily and tell people when you are ready.
     
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  13. Love4Ever

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    Yup. I hear this so much in the later in life forum. Almost all of them wish they hadn't waited to come out and if they could do it over again would have come out sooner. You're so young, (as am I), and thankfully we live in a more progressive period, so depending on where you live you can come out and start living now the way you want to.
     
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  14. Breanna03

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    Hello again! It's been a few days and a lot has happened, actually. My school is VERY open to everyone so that was one of the things I was happiest about. I came out to my sister and she DID THE SAME THING! Told me she's heteroromantic bisexual. Funny thing is she started laughing when I told her. SO I told all of my friends - my best friend this morning - and I took another step and asked her out. I still haven't told my parents about ... any of it. But I'm really happy. This is my first relationship and I already feel more open to the people around me. It's amazing!
     
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  15. Breanna03

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    I think you've probably been the person to help me the most. I thought a lot about what you said and I decided that it's only high school. If I don't do it now I know I'll regret it. My friends that sit at our table are all super supportive (most of us are LGBTQ+ anyway hah) and it's overall been a good experience so far. Thank you!
     
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  16. Love4Ever

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    Whoo hoo! So proud of you! High Bi Five!
     
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  17. Rade

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    If you have any further questions please just ask....I might be 42 but my first same sex relationship started at 16....be proud of yourself your making alot of progress
    XX Rade
     
  18. silverhalo

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    Yay congratulations.
     
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  19. Breanna03

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    Thank you ! You helped me a lot, honestly. I feel like without this forum I would still be in the closet. Thank you again!!
     
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  20. Love4Ever

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    So happy we alll could help! I'm glad you came out to such supportive friends. :slight_smile:
     
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