1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

If your spouse came out as transgender...

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Spot, Dec 3, 2015.

  1. NekoAlex

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2015
    Messages:
    101
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Bulgaria
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I would support them. I like all genders, although I'm mostly into women, so why should I get a divorse? Also, if you really love someone why should it matter? I also believe that if you have fallen in love with a transgender person in the first place, you're already a little gay/straight. It doesn't matter if the person didn't know who they are/came out to you until later - they were always the gender they are transitioning to, which means you loved a person of the opposite/your own gender.
     
    #21 NekoAlex, Dec 4, 2015
    Last edited: Dec 4, 2015
  2. Rydia

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 30, 2015
    Messages:
    250
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Hot Springs
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    A few people
    It's hard for me to say for sure, because as far as I know, I've never been attracted to a transgender person.

    I feel pretty confident that if I was in love with them, I'd still be in love with them, but I'm not sure I'd feel sexual attraction if they had gender re-assignment or some such.

    I've experienced romantic attraction with men before, but never sexual attraction, so I guess I could see myself as being pan-romantic, but not pan-sexual.

    So, I guess the staying together part would depend on a) how important the sex part of the relationship was and b) whether or not it actually made a difference in that department, since it's kind of hard to know until you've experienced it.
     
  3. Secrets5

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 28, 2015
    Messages:
    1,964
    Likes Received:
    77
    Location:
    UK
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I don't have a spouse but if they carried sperm then I would ask them if they would be willing to put some sperm in a sperm bank so that when we were ready to have a child then we could use my egg and her sperm and get a surrogate. If they said no, then I'd be a bit upset but I'd get over it quickly knowing it's their body and they can do what they want with it and I'd be a horrible person to try and force them. I don't see anything wrong in asking, as even if someone here thinks so, my girlfriend might be different.

    Either way, I'd carry on loving them. Their personality won't change. I know hormones can make people a bit 'crazy' [in all respects] sometimes, and that might cause a bit of problems, but I'd try and help and get help from other people if they were finding it really hard to cope and needed emotional support [we can't be the best at everything, and I'm the more practical support giver].
     
    #23 Secrets5, Dec 4, 2015
    Last edited: Dec 4, 2015
  4. Riz

    Riz
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 13, 2015
    Messages:
    225
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Leksand, Sweden
    I've already been in almost the situation, since my ex fiancée came out as trans about 6 years (I lost count) into our relationship. It was a shocker, but I told her that I still cared for her and that she had my support within seconds. If something it only made me happy that she finally felt she could be true to herself and tell me she wanted to live the rest of her life as it was supposed to.
    Now our relationship did end not too long after it, but that was really far from the reason.

    Now if it would happen again with someone else, I can't see me reacting in another way. I just want my partner to be happy.
    I might be both pan and trans but it's really the thing about them beeing as happy as possible that matters to me.
     
  5. biAnnika

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 20, 2011
    Messages:
    1,839
    Likes Received:
    8
    Location:
    Northeastern US
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Yeah...I think I'd be rather shocked (partners for 29 years here). She just has zero guy-vibe (well, maybe a 1.5-2 on a 10-point scale).

    So here's the deal with me. I love her...I love the person she's been showing me for the past 29 years. As a bisexual, the mere fact that she would be male would not throw me. Even with hormones and surgery to make her physically male, that would not throw me. Hey...it could even be nice to have a guy I could have sex with, after so long (but ahem, if she ever reads this: I am NOT saying I'd like you to transition to become male!!!).

    What *could* throw me is if her personality would change radically. I mean, if she's really a guy, but hasn't thrown much of a guy-vibe, then she's quite possibly repressing some male tendencies, right? Once those start coming out, it's possible (as a Kinsey-4) that I may have some issues. In other words, if she is (substantially) *not* the person she has been showing me for the past 29 years...then I may have to re-evaluate whether I can love the person she *really* is.

    I have a hard time imagining that it could make enough difference to change our compatibility. But damn, hormones are strong stuff...I don't think this is the kind of thing a person can really predict. And if it did make a significant difference? Well I would still care about [him]...I always will. But I require compatibility in a serious relationship...if we lose that, then we lose that and the relationship should and would end...this would be no different if we were talking about any other kind of major incompatibility that crops up.
     
  6. Cedar

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2015
    Messages:
    664
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Out in the country, Ontario
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    I don't know, it would have to really depend on the situation. I think I would be saddened that they didn't come out with this before we had a relationship since I want people to feel comfortable with being their authentic self around me in the first place.
     
  7. WhereWeWere

    WhereWeWere Guest

    Joined:
    Oct 23, 2015
    Messages:
    144
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    America
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    That really depends, I guess. What the biggest thing for trans people in relationships is to let their partner know they're trans right away, unless they didn't discover it until they were in the relationship
     
  8. wannahavechange

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 3, 2015
    Messages:
    550
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Jacksonville,fl
    Gender:
    Androgyne
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I don't think I'd know what to do but love my spouse regardless. I think the process of coming out to me as trans would be very scary for them... my answer I mean. I think they'd be rather anxious about coming out to me but I'd ruffle their hair call them stupid and say I'll love them regardless.
     
  9. ThatBorussenGuy

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 28, 2015
    Messages:
    2,054
    Likes Received:
    19
    Location:
    Between the posts
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Tough question; I'm not into the whole idea of a relationship, but I like to think that, if I did fall for someone it would be because of their personality; and, you know, being a transguy myself, I wouldn't just be able to break it off because I know the struggle of coming to grips with who you are and I wouldn't want to hurt anybody, much less my hypothetical "significant other". But on the other hand I genuinely don't know how I'd react, because I know for a fact I'm attracted to guys and have no interest in females whatsoever. I like to think I'd stick around, but that's a tough call to make. [​IMG]
     
    #29 ThatBorussenGuy, Dec 4, 2015
    Last edited: Dec 4, 2015
  10. Loftymouse

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 18, 2015
    Messages:
    18
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    U.S.
    Gender:
    Female
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Well since I'm bi/pan if I'd already built up emotional and physical attraction to them, it wouldn't matter much to me. If I was that in love, something like that wouldn't change much, however it may take getting used to. I could understand some strictly gay or straight people not being able to adjust though. I'd give them support no matter what.
     
  11. mbanema

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 11, 2014
    Messages:
    1,483
    Likes Received:
    30
    Location:
    MA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I imagine I'd have a really difficult time with this, but I think this one of those things where you just can't gauge how you'd respond until you're actually in that situation. I wouldn't pursue or enter into a relationship with someone who isn't male, but to fall in love with someone who opens up about being transgendered? I honestly don't know.
     
  12. denouement

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 18, 2015
    Messages:
    225
    Likes Received:
    38
    Location:
    Riften
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    All but family
    I personally would want to stay with them.

    Since I'm trans as well, I like to think that I would understand their feelings. I think I would be a bit hurt at first if they said they were scared to tell me, or something... but, I would also understand because I know it can be scary to admit something like this.

    And in any case, in a relationship I'm much more interested in how we jive together emotionally and mentally. That part shouldn't change, since I love them already! ♥❤ I might not be as physically attracted to them once they start transitioning since I'm gay... but, I'd like to think that we'd have a good enough relationship to work out any such issues together.
     
  13. Oddsocks

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 22, 2015
    Messages:
    276
    Likes Received:
    6
    Location:
    Wiltshire
    Gender:
    Other
    Gender Pronoun:
    They
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I would absolutely support any partner of mine if they came out as trans. It wouldn't influence my attraction, and they'd still be the same person with the same personality traits I liked in the first place. I'd just want to be there for them as much as possible.

    (And be, uh, very surprised if my actual partner did. I mean, given all the time she spends around me and helping me deal with my gender stuff, I'd be wondering how the topic wouldn't have come up sooner is all!)
     
  14. RainbowGreen

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 11, 2013
    Messages:
    1,442
    Likes Received:
    44
    Location:
    Québec
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I don't know.

    I would hope so, since I'm trans too, but I'm more attracted to males... If my partner was originally a female and then transitioned to male, no problem whatsoever. However, if it's the opposite, I don't know.

    I'm generally attracted to masculinity.
     
  15. Skaros

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 9, 2013
    Messages:
    1,254
    Likes Received:
    2
    Location:
    Chicago, IL
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    All but family
    I kind of think of it like this: If a straight man is with a trans man (before coming out), and the trans man comes out, wouldn't that basically mean a straight man with another man? It contradicts a person's sexual orientation. I think if someone could respect your gender identity, you'd have to also respect their sexual orientation and move on. The relationship probably wouldn't work.

    If it was with someone who was bi/pan, then that might be a different story, but I honestly don't think I could date a trans woman because of the fact that I'm not attracted to women. Some relationships just wouldn't work. I will support you in whatever way I can, but I can't continue a relationship.
     
    #35 Skaros, Dec 5, 2015
    Last edited: Dec 5, 2015
  16. Hexagon

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 1, 2011
    Messages:
    8,558
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Earth
    I would be rather shocked to find myself married, given that this is something I've sworn never to do. But it wouldn't be a problem. Both my partners are trans, anyway.
     
    #36 Hexagon, Dec 5, 2015
    Last edited: Dec 5, 2015
  17. Fairyglitter

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 25, 2015
    Messages:
    38
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    New York
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Back in January, I had a crush on this person. When she came out to me as trans, I liked her even more. I guess it's because I saw her for who she really was. I realized that nothing changed regardless of her gender. I am still in love with her now. So if it were my spouse, I would fully and happily support him or her :slight_smile:
     
  18. MayaBee

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 12, 2015
    Messages:
    214
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Switzerland
    I wouldnt mind at all, because gender isnt important to me. I'd support them in any way I could! As long as they are happy, I am happy too.
     
  19. ForNarnia

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 25, 2014
    Messages:
    242
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Unknown
    Gender:
    Other
    Gender Pronoun:
    Other
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    Even if I was straight, I would stand by them. If they chose to leave after they transitioned, I would fully understand. I fell in love with a person, not a penis.

    Being Pan/Bisexual it wouldn't bother me at all anyway, but if I wasn't interested in their true gender, I would work around it. Love is far more precious than sexuality.
     
  20. biAnnika

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 20, 2011
    Messages:
    1,839
    Likes Received:
    8
    Location:
    Northeastern US
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I get that completely...it's where my own thoughts tend to default. But I also get the counter-argument by some transpeople of "hey, this person fell in love with me...now they just know something about me they didn't know before...and suddenly they *can't* love me?"

    I think it can be a different story, depending on whether the transperson has surgery. If they become physically the same sex as you and you aren't gay (or vice versa), yeah, that's gonna cause problems. You might still love them...but to remain in a relationship (particularly a monogamous one) where you have no sexual attraction to your partner? That just sounds masochistic.