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If this type of asexual guy wanted to be friends with you. Would you hangout with him?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Starfish827727, Nov 18, 2021.

  1. Starfish827727

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    This is a guy who doesn’t experience sexual attraction.

    He is…
    • Masculine
    • Tough
    • Athletic
    • Not interested in relationships because he doesn’t experience romantic attraction either.
    • Usually dressed in sloppy/causal clothes
    • A man with demonic sounding voice
    • Into binge drinking
    • Into hunting and fishing for invasive species as a hobby
    • A former prisoner for unlawfully hunting criminals
    • Uncomfortable/awkward around straight girls
     
  2. BiGemini87

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    In all honesty, probably not. The binge-drinking alone is a red flag for me, as it can (and often does) lead to toxic behaviours even amongst friends. An occasional drink? Sure. Even a drink or two a day wouldn't bother me--but binging? Not my cup of tea; I've had friends like that, and they ruined any prospects they had of advancing in their careers/educations. I'm not too bothered by the hunting aspect (provided it's not needlessly drawn out/cruel to the animals in question), but I do have to wonder about the unlawfully hunting criminals part.

    Everything else doesn't really concern me. I just get the sense from the few things that do that this is not someone I'd want to spend any real time with; he'd probably set off my fight/flight instincts.
     
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  3. Chip

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    The binge drinking is a sign of someone who is traumatized. The trauma is likely getting in the way of being able to feel sexual attraction. What you are describing sounds like there's some sort of anger and desire for justice, which likely points to something that happened to him.

    So in short, no, I would run the other way. This person needs help, but may be too traumatized to acknowledge it, and he's not going to be able to sustain any sort of healthy relationship. And likely, if he deals with whatever trauma is there, he will be able to feel attraction and arousal again. But it is not anyone's job to "fix" him, and it's going to be hard for him to do his self-work if he is in a relationship.
     
    #3 Chip, Nov 19, 2021
    Last edited: Nov 19, 2021
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  4. Starfish827727

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    Ok there is a small chance that could be the case but i thinks really unlikely. I don’t about the whole binge drinking thing. I think some people just do it to prove how high their alcohol tolerance is or it’s part of their culture. I know there’s plenty of people out there who’ve been traumatized and yet they still are promiscuous. Most traumatized people don’t identify as asexual. There may be some traumatized people who experience sexual dysfunction or an arousal disorder or be disinterested in sex but it’s not the same as asexuality or a romanticism. Yes I get that it’s not anyone’s job to “fix him” or “change him.” I just wish I could learn more about this person without getting too close.
     
  5. Chip

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    To be clear, I am *not* saying that people who are asexual are traumatized. If we are using the widely accepted definition of asexuality, this is someone who has no interest in sex, no aversion to it... it simply doesn't interest them. This is hardwired.It has nothing to do with trauma.

    However, many who identify as asexual are not; they are instead traumatized, and it shows up in a similar way.

    The constellation of symptoms you describe -- binge drinking, hunting criminals, tough demeanor, sloppy/unattractive dress -- are all, individually, correlated with trauma. Add them together, and it's hard to argue there isn't trauma. And trauma is very strongly correlated with a variety of forms of relationship and sexual dysfunction.

    The statements you make are partially correct, and partially not: some traumatized individuals swear off sex entirely, others become promiscuous. It has a lot to do with their coping strategies, the age at which the traumas occurred, and their particular brain wiring.

    Believe what you want, what I'm saying above is based on literally thousands of clinical studies on the topic.
     
    #5 Chip, Nov 19, 2021
    Last edited: Nov 19, 2021
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  6. PatrickUK

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    After reading all of those bullet points, his asexuality (or not) would be the least of my worries. Sounds like he's carrying a lot of baggage and needs to do some heavy personal work.
     
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