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If I could get some advice, that would mean so much...

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by heandsheisme, May 24, 2015.

  1. heandsheisme

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    Hey, I am Alex. Biological male, 20. Finding this forum today has been very helpful for me, and I finally worked up the courage to ask you fine ladies, gentlemen, mentalgen, or whatever you want me to call you, a few questions.

    First... some context.

    Last October, I bought some womens underwear. Since that time, I have found a dress, a nice skirt, a lot more underwear, and a couple of bras that have no padding so I can wear them underneath a loose tshirt and have no one notice.

    I also found that an old friend of mine accepted me. I get on her nerves sometimes with how much I want to talk about this stuff, but she has been an anchor, a confidant, and the best friend I could ever ask for. As long as she is willing I will be her friend.
    A couple of months ago, I realized I was more than a cross dresser, and with my friend's help, I started searching. After a while, I settled on bigender. I have found myself, sort of. I know who I am as a man, not the most masculine, but confident in myself and who I am.

    Not so as a woman... It feels like amnesia. I know my name, and I know that I am a woman, but I have no identity beyond that, and it hurts. What makes it harder is that I have no outlet for my female half. My parents know about the crossdressing, and are ok, if a little weirded out by it. They do not know that I am bigender, and I am content to remain their son around them. I cannot go outside either. While my town is not exactly bad for LGBT, I am still very self conscious about how I look in my clothes and all of the stares I would get. The fact that my legs refuse to stay shaved does not help.

    I need to find something, anything, that can keep me sane. It will be the winter at the earliest when I can move out, and I need to find an outlet for my womanhood. I need to be able to feel like a woman secretly, and I do not know how to do that. :help:

    I am also looking for some relationship advice, if you all have any. I have plenty of friends as a man, and I am happy to remain a man around them. But I have my days where I want to do nothing else than dress up and be the woman I am. I want a group of ladies who I can turn to and who will accept me as a woman. But beyond that, I am a bit of a romantic, and I want to find a woman who will love me as both genders. Is anyone here in a relationship like that? I have not had anyone to date in almost two years, and while I have not lost hope at all, it would be reassuring to know that there are women out there who can love bigender guys like me.

    Thanks in advance for any and all responses, and if you have any other random advice, I am happy to listen!
     
  2. bi2me

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    I don't know that I have a lot of advice, but tights and leggings work under dresses, and my legs only feel smooth for most of the day, and I'm cisfemale. Hopefully someone more knowledgeable about these issues will get back with you soon. :slight_smile:
     
  3. heandsheisme

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    My friend has recommended leggings as well, but I don't have the time or money at the moment to buy some. Once I have some money I am getting some more casual female wear. But thanks for responding!
     
  4. Sam I Am

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    I don't know if this is a good idea or not, but have you tried using scented lotions? Not only will they make your skin lovely and soft, but then you'll also smell nice and girly for the rest of the day.

    Are your ears pierced? You could try wearing one earring when you're a man, and two when you're a woman. It's also a nifty social signaling tool if you want other people to pick up on it.

    As for relationships ... I'm genderfluid, and when I dated straight people this present real problems. I've been in two relationships with bi people so far, including my current girlfriend, and it's worked so much better. A bi/pan person can not just love, but also be physically attracted to both parts of you. I would not recommend trying to make a relationship with a straight woman, she is likely to reject your female side. That said, there may be a large number of women who are mostly straight but willing to explore more with the person they love.

    Good luck! I hope you can find something that works.
     
  5. heandsheisme

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    I don't have my ears pierced, but I do sneak in a bit of lotion here and there, when I can get away with it!

    I actually have met a couple of girls who were absolutely ok with crossdressing who were my age, so I think that as long as I find a woman who genuinely loves me, I can bring her around to the idea that she has a girlfriend as well. Shame they were both dating other people though... :icon_sad: