If Gender and sexuality are 2 separate things, than why are there so many gay men who are feminine and lesbians who are boyish or butch? I genuinely don’t get it. Does gender and sexuality overlap? If you’re gay are you more likely to suffer with gender related issues? Apologies in advance for this thread, I don’t at all mean to sound rude, but I am trying to make sense of it all because it has a major effect on me and how I am feeling. I realise that many gay men aren’t fem and likewise many lesbians who are very fem, however, there are many who would appear to be outside the binary gender. I am a lesbian and I’m very boyish/ladish but I wouldn’t call myself butch. Each to their own I guess. If someone was to see my they just say I’m a gay women etc! I am I missing something here? Are boyish lesbians very different to non binary or even transgender? I’m asking because I’m genuinely confused, but just to be clear, I’m not in anyway meaning to sound rude. In the past when people have said to me...well she doesn’t look like a lesbian...then I’ve usually answered with, but what does one look like? However, Since questioning my own gender and being very confused I’ve reverted back to.....no actually in many cases you can tell if someone’s gay but I accept not in every occasion. That said... However I pretended to be a boy quite a few time during my childhood and teenage years. I wanted to be perceived as a guy and even gave a different name etc in new groups of people that I would briefly meet. I’ve used men’s toilets as felt I fit in. Would any other lesbian behave like this or is there something else going on here? Is it to do with my gender instead? I suffer with gender dysphoria ...do other lesbians suffer with this? Is again is this to do with gender and absolutely nothing to do with sexuality what so ever? I feel that it’s hard to relate to other women...especially when it comes to fem things and group conversations between women.....do other lesbians struggle it’s being able to relate to fem women? I just don’t know what to think anymore....you may wonder the reason for this post. Well I’m 37 a lesbian and suddenly recently questioning my gender identity...I feel perhaps somewhere in between or even trans. That’s my gut feeling. Did I get it wrong all those years ago when I came out as a lesbian? Did I get it confused with gender instead? I’ve often become co fused by fem lesbians because I don’t u derstand how they can be? The more I think about it the more I’m realising this is more to do with me than lesbians. Perhaps as a youngster I saw all these images of butch lesbians and assumed this is what all lesbians are like. Perhaps I assumed all lesbians were boyish and laddish like me....that’s why I’m a lesbian....perhaps I’m wrong.....perhaps I’m not a lesbian at all and actually I’m trans!