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idk what to do... help?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by everetmic, Nov 12, 2018.

  1. everetmic

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    I turn 18 real soon and it hit me today that I failed in my goal to come out before I turned an adult, which is what made me get an account on here (btw idk if I'm posting in the right place or whatever sorry). I have no idea what I am not gay but definitely not straight either I think somewhere in between I think there's like a spectrum or something (sorry if I sound uneducated I just don't have much exposure to this stuff) I live in a kinda liberal area and ik a majority of people would accept me but I'm just really scared (maybe of judgement?). Last year I started getting a crush on a boy in one of my classes (who is bisexual) I was kind of friends with and I ended up telling him which was probably the bravest thing I've ever done and he didn't seen judgemental or anything but he ended up outing me to my best friend who told a bunch of my other friends and I felt completely destroyed but in the end I managed to convince them it was a prank and to not tell anyone which they bought and agreed to so it turned out ok. But that is my only experience with anything like that and it ended so badly so now I just feel scared. This whole turning an adult think is making me feel really bummed out because I feel if I can't find the courage now I'll never be able too and I'll live my whole life never being who I truly am inside. I can't talk about it with anyone I know so it's eating away inside of me. Any advice? (Sorry if this is super scatterbrained)
     
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  2. UMedusa

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    Age is just a number. In fact, adolescence technically goes into your early 20's, as far as brain development is concerned. Sometimes in life, meeting our goals is the really important thing to do. Sometimes, the goals need to change because life is unpredictable. You have had a small taste of what it's like to come out as bi and it created a conflict for you. Personally, I think coming out as bi is scarier than coming out as gay, because you aren't completely in one or the other community, and people need to be even more understanding. There's nothing wrong with taking some time to stay questioning. Loads of people are more comfortable coming out or dating when they are legally adults. Also, the school social environment is really not how the rest of your life will be. Even in college, it gets more normal and easier in many ways. Hang in there and I hope you find peace, whatever you decide.
     
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  3. everetmic

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    Thank you that means a lot.
     
  4. everetmic

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    Thank you that means a lot.
     
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  5. quebec

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    everetmic.....Hello and a very big welcome to empty closets! Oh yes, the "mountain climb" that is the coming out experience. Something that we have to fearfully force our way through...something that a straight person will never really understand. Telling a person who knows you so well...especially parents & close friends...that you are not who you appear to be. Been there, sobbed and cried through every second of it...waterfall tears. Coming out can be wonderful and terrible. Occasionally at the same time! :old_smile: The most important two factors in deciding when to come out are: 1) Come out when YOU are ready. Don't let anyone push you into it if you are not at the place where coming out is right for you...not them. and... 2) Don't come out if there is a real chance that you will be in danger. That includes being kicked out of your house, having no way to support yourself, having all privileges (phone, computer, friends, etc.) taken away, being verbally or emotionally abused as well as the danger of physical abuse. Waiting can be very difficult, but your safety and emotional well-being are more important. Sending a text, email or a letter can help to prepare the ground. There are some great sample letters here on empty closets that could be a big help to you. Even if you don't eventually use the letter, taking the time to think about it and to write one will help you be sure to say what you need to say and leave out the rest! Check them out...they could be a real comfort!

    COMING OUT LETTERS: Go to the Login page, but do not login. At the top, you will see some links. Click on "Resources". That will bring up a page with a box on the upper left. In that box, you will see a link to "Coming out letters". Click that and you are there! I wish you much good luck...you can and will make it! Remember...you are a part of our LGBTQ Family and we do care! Keep us updated on how things are going for you!
    .....David :gay_pride_flag: