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Identity Struggle

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by innerangst, Mar 2, 2021.

  1. innerangst

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Canada
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    Hi everyone. In essence, I’m AMAB, and closely identify with it, but at the same time there’s a female part of me I’ve largely ignored all my life. I grew up in a small town, where such things weren’t encouraged, so I guess I always hated myself for it. I introduced myself in the main form, and a helpful individual recommended I come here.
    I think I’m bigender or gender fluid anyways (I think), but this sometimes creates body dysmorphia issues as both can be present at the same time, or rarely the female part of me feels dominant. I'm just starting down this path, so anyone who could help me explain it, or understand it as I've been fighting it for far too long, would be great.
     
  2. QuietPeace

    Full Member

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    Welcome to EC.

    I understand growing up in a limited situation, though the city I grew up in was not small my family was in an extremist sect so I also had to suppress who I was until I grew up. I hope that your journey of self discovery helps you become more comfortable with yourself.
     
  3. innerangst

    Regular Member

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    I'm truly sorry you had to go through that, and I'm inspired by your ability to overcome that and be true to yourself. Hopefully I'll get there someday.
     
  4. Hawk

    Admin Team Full Member

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    Location:
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    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight
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    Out to everyone
    Welcome to EC.

    I also grew up in a small town where LGBT people were very seldomly (or never) talked about. If you're in a good place in your life right now, I highly encourage you to explore your feelings and how you want to be perceived. You don't have to do anything dramatic, but if you can, you can start by exploring your feelings at home with makeup, clothing, or other forms of expression if you feel it's safe to do so. How do you feel when you express yourself femininely? Do you get a sense of euphoria, when presenting femininely? Take it slow, and explore your feelings and do what you think will make you the most comfortable with yourself.
     
  5. innerangst

    Regular Member

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    Location:
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    He
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    Other
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    Thanks for your reply. Yeah, it's kind of a baby steps thing for me. I feel like I'm slowly making a bit of progress, but at the same time how slow I feel I'm going also is driving me a bit mad. I know any progress is good but it's just frustrating.