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Identity Crisis

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Jessie Carter, Oct 20, 2017.

  1. Jessie Carter

    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Georgia, United States
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Over the course of this year, I've gone through massive changes in my life. I started college, cut ties with a long time friend then boyfriend, my mom lost her job, you get the idea. These massive shifts have been made even harder because I've been questioning who I am for years now.

    I'm a closeted bisexual, mainly because my mother and her side of the family is comprised entirely of gun carrying, bible thumping, Trump voters. I've always felt trapped because of this, in addition to the suffocating environment I was raised in. I've never been able to safely express myself or try to find who I am as a person because all I've ever been is a projection screen for my parent's hopes and desires. I've never been allowed to be my own person.

    I need to just shut up and get to the point. I identify as bisexual, however I have no desire to personally engage in any sort of sexual encounter with another person. I find people attractive, I have no issue with imagining others in sexual situations (and I mostly enjoy these thoughts), and I masturbate ( though the process is primarily focused around release than actually enjoying myself). Hell, I read and write erotica, for Pete's sake. I am just repulsed and terrified of being in that sort of situation.

    It's messy, it's noisy, it makes you entirly3 too vulnerable, and it's dangerous. It just seems too weird to personally involve myself in. I thought it was a gender issue(I'm female), seeing as my body is strange and inconvenient in my opinion. But even then, the idea of a male, idealized version of myself feels foreign and wrong as well.

    I've considered asexuality, but I feel like I don't qualify. I just feel broken. There are a million and 1 other issues I have with identity and what it means for my relationships with other people, but I just don't know what to do. What's wrong with me?
     
  2. canadawet

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Maryland
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Nothing's wrong with you! Perhaps you should do a little research on asexuality...what you're saying sounds a lot like what many asexuals say before they know about its existence.
     
  3. Quantumreality

    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Arizona, USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Hey Jessie Carter,

    Take full advantage of your opportunity at college to explore your sexuality. Interact with your college campus' GSA, if you haven't already done so - and assuming there is one on campus.

    Also, don't generalize people. I'm one of those Trump voters that you seem to despise and, of course, I'm LGBTQ. I also don't believe that Trump is anti-LGBTQ. Regardless, just as with sexuality, people don't fit into nice neat boxes when it comes to politics. Some of us might be, for example, politically and economically conservative, while being socially moderate or even left-wing. Don't try to prematurely put your family and friends into boxes without exploring their very real feelings on specific issues.

    My 2cents.
     
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