I am non-binary and I am very comfortable with this identity and know it true to myself, however I don’t receive much external validation. My family is doing their best which I am truly grateful for, but it’s clear to me that they don’t view me as anything other than a girl. I’ve accidentally gotten myself into anti-lgbtq places on the internet and have had multiple people tell me that I’m delusional and my identity is straying from science. Overall, I’m feeling really tempted to detransition because I want to exist in other peoples minds as something more than my gender identity even if it’s not me. I’m going back to school really soon and it’s all getting overwhelming, does anyone have any advice?
Hi there! Welcome to EC. I think the most important thing here is that you are comfortable with your identity and know who you are. It sounds like your family will come around - continue giving them time. I would suggest to surround yourself with others who are willing and going to accept you for you. You might find that other students are going to be more supportive and wanting to get to know you as a person, than what it might seem at this point. There might even be a LGBTQ+ group you could join. Remember that your gender identity is only one piece of many that makes up your identity. Try not to let your experience online define your next steps. There is no need to.
If I could go back and give myself advice about this sort of thing it would be for me to walk away from any person or any space that was unsupportive. I am not sure if that is something that you would be willing to do. For me it would have meant that once I came out I would have walked away from all of my relatives and most of the people who I grew up around (all of the ones from the church my family went to back then). It would have been a shock and difficult for me but I believe that it would have made me a stronger person and that my life would have ended up substantially better. The thing is that there ARE supportive people out there and life is so much better when you spend your time with such people and stay away from those who are not supportive.
But you don't have to detransition to achieve it. Gender is just an element of who you are. I agree with others about sparing yourself the reading of conservative online stuff. I think it's well explained in a recent thread in the chit chat area of this forum: "being gay is a choice" or something like that. Lgbt-phobes aewn't reasonable and can't be explained things that contradict their prejudice. I don't have any advice about family, families are usually hard to deal with. But peers are often very much like a mirror of what image you have of yourself, of what you think about yourself. If you think you don't deserve to be more than your gender, for example, they will parrot what you say unconsciously. They will agree with you. That's all. If you say things about your gender and your dobuts and will voice your insecurities, they will say something similar back. And if you come to them and talk about your interests and will approach your gender like no big deal, in a positive manner, they will also go along with that. So maybe the invalidation is within you and is staring back at you from the mirror? Something worth giving a thought.
