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I want to come out but feel like I’m not ready...

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by UMM ya, Dec 3, 2018.

  1. UMM ya

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    Hay, I’m a middle school student who has not been to sure of there sexuality. I am fairly sure I’m lesbian but maybe I’m bi. I want to come out. I was thinking about coming out as bi until I’m sure that I’m lesbian or bi. What do you think? Is this a bad idea? Thanks for bothering to read this.
     
  2. Mlpguy88

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    If you have a close friend or family member that you trust then you can tell them if you are comfortable.

    However if you are not sure and aren't ready to tell anyone then you don't have to tell anyone. This is all about you and when you're ready. There is no need to rush it.
     
  3. quebec

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    UMM ya.....The most important two factors in deciding when to come out are: 1) Come out when YOU are ready. Don't let anyone push you into it if you are not at the place where coming out is right for you...not them. and... 2) Don't come out if there is a real chance that you will be in danger. That includes being kicked out of your house, having no way to support yourself, having all privileges (phone, computer, friends, etc.) taken away, being verbally or emotionally abused as well as the danger of physical abuse. Waiting can be very difficult, but your safety and emotional well-being are more important. Being out in high school/middle school is easier now than it used to be...but depending on your school and your relationship with other students, it can be problematical. Try to evaluate these things and see what you seriously think about the results of coming out would be.

    One of the best ways to handle a coming out that may not go well or that you just don't know how to do it is to write a letter. Writing a letter lets you be sure that you are saying things in the right way. It lets you collect and organize your thoughts without the pressure and nervousness of a face-to-face confrontation. It also allows the recipient of the letter to have some time to collect their thoughts instead of the emotional outburst that happens too often. You don't have to be present when the letter is read...and that can be a very big plus! Even if you don't use the letter it can really help you prepare for the coming out experience. Think about it, it may be something that will work for you. There are some sample coming out letters here on empty closets. To find them:

    Go to the Login page, but do not login. At the top, you will see some links. Click on "Resources". That will bring up a page with a box on the upper left. In that box, you will see a link to "Coming out letters". Click that and you are there! I wish you much good luck...you can and will make it!

    Remember...you are a part of our LGBTQ Family and we do care! Keep us updated on how things are going for you!
    .....David :gay_pride_flag:
     
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  4. UMM ya

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    David
    Thanks, I have decided to not come out. I have many people my life that will support me but I am not ready for my whole world to change. I realized this today when a boy in school asked me out. I almost started crying because I realized that I’m not like my freinds. Who would have jumped at the opertunite to go to the movies with such a popular guy. So I have decided until I’m out of school I’m not going to come out.
     
  5. beenthrdonetht

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    So sorry that something that could have been very exciting (to someone else) instead upset you. Hope you didn't break that guy's heart. (jk) But your decision is reasonable, because you're not totally out to yourself yet. As in: bi vs. gay?

    Now in fact nobody knows what or whom tomorrow will bring. Just to address your specific question

    Some people are bothered when a person "goes" from bi to gay, the reverse. Quote marks because nothing really changes. Some people think categories are real things that are eternal, like the number 3 or something. But I think it's perfectly fair to come out (even just to yourself) as bi if you feel like it.

    If there were more categories for Sexual Orientation here on EC I would cycle through them (all-of-the-above, bisexual, curious, heteroflexible, undecided, questioning, queer) just for fun.

    Anyway good luck dealing with the things that are dawning in your brain and heart. Love is love.
     
    #5 beenthrdonetht, Dec 8, 2018
    Last edited: Dec 8, 2018
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  6. ShyBiGirl

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    Hey... you should never feel pressured to choose a sexuality. Often times it can seem like the world is ending and things can become rather stressful. But you don't have to come out just yet, you don't have to pick a sexuality just yet. You have time, as long as you feel comfortable. That is what matters, is YOUR emotions. This is your life, just be sure to make it a good one.


    -A
     
  7. tystnad

    tystnad Guest

    Hey UMM ya,

    It's already been said that if you're not ready, you don't have to come out, so I won't repeat that. However, if you want to come out, it is very well possible to come out as "not straight", or, if you want to be a little more detailed, "attracted to girls but not sure yet if it's ONLY girls or not". You don't owe anyone a label, and being more honest in where you stand may help you in the long term. While there's nothing wrong with coming out as bi and changing the label later if necessary if you think you're bi but not sure yet, it is better to just be honest. Being bi is not a stepping stone to being a lesbian and neither is the label, and coming out as bi now and lesbian later is not easier, even if it may seem so now. "Not straight" is a more than valid description right now, it's okay if you don't have the right words yet to describe how exactly you're identifying!
     
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