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I want to come out at school but not sure...

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Sparky2002, Jul 22, 2020.

  1. Sparky2002

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    Okay, so I'm 13 and go to a pretty liberal private school. I hate when my friends ask me about what guys I like beause I'm lesbian but I haven't come out to most of them yet. I noticed that when I come out to them seperately, they think I'm doing that because I like them and get freaked out. However when I came out to 4 friends, 1 avoided me and now she's leaving the school (for other reasons I think) and the other 3 initally thought I liked them but then were fine with it. My bi friend says I could talk to the school guidance counselor but I don't know what to say and I'm worried she would tell me to go ahead so that way the school could brag about diversity and so that she felt more satistfied even if it wasn't the right choice. I could ask my mom about it but she's not at the school so I don't know if she could really expect the reaction. I just hate hiding but I have lot so friends and I don't want to mess that up.
     
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  2. PatrickUK

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    I generally discourage the idea. Although the world has moved on since I was at school almost 30 years ago, I still hear of LGBT kids being bullied and abused if/when they come out, or even if they are suspected of being part of the LGBT community. Even in the most liberal of schools with good anti-bullying policies, you cannot eliminate the spiteful element. It takes quite a strong personality to shrug off the caustic remarks that are so damaging to confidence and self esteem.

    If you really want to come out, make sure you have a well established support network of people you can turn to for love and friendship.
     
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  3. Mihael

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    I was in a liberal school too and noby had a problem if someone was gay. Even some teachers were known to be gay. However, I would steer away from school psychologists or counsellors, they tend to express their opinions when nobody asks them to and to “know better” than you what you should do, and I would also steer away from making such information public news - it’s your decision who you reveal it to and anything public gathers all kinds of reactions.
     
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  4. Fishtail

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    Hey, am curios why you decide to follow me?

    And if a classmate stops interacting with you just because you came out, don´t makes them good friendship material in the long haul.
     
  5. Sparky2002

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    Hi. Just followed you because I want someone to follow me. Also you're right, if someone avoids me they aren't a good friend.
     
  6. quebec

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    Sparky2002.....Coming out can be wonderful and terrible. Occasionally at the same time! The most important two factors in deciding when to come out are: 1) Come out when YOU are ready. Don't let anyone push you into it if you are not at the place where coming out is right for you...not them. and... 2) Don't come out if there is a real chance that you will be in danger. That includes being kicked out of your house, having no way to support yourself, having all privileges (phone, computer, friends, etc.) taken away, being verbally or emotionally abused as well as the danger of physical abuse. Waiting can be very difficult, but your safety and emotional well-being are more important. Being out in middle school/high school is easier now than it used to be...but depending on your school and your relationship with other students, it can be problematical. The comment that @Mihael made should be considered. Most school guidance counselors are not really qualified to help with the kind of issues that someone from our LGBTQ+ Family have to handle daily. You mention your mom but don't really say if you are out to your parents or not. If you are...you might think about asking them if you could talk to a therapist that specializes with LGBTQ+ problems. Try to evaluate these things and see what you seriously think about the results of coming out would be. Sometimes waiting...even when it is so difficult...is the safe/best way to come out.
    .....David :gay_pride_flag: