1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

I want to break free

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by baristajedi, Jan 8, 2017.

  1. baristajedi

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 11, 2015
    Messages:
    4,079
    Likes Received:
    84
    Location:
    Edinburgh
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I've said it in other threads, things are getting better, the contexts in which I am closeted and putting on the straight performsnce, hiding part of who I am/part of my life; those situations are getting fewer.

    But they still take up most of my daily life. Even though I'm coming out in every situation I can, there are still those where I have to wait. And that closeted, repressed feeling leaves me feeling exhausted, tense, and like something's eating at me, hurting something deep inside.

    How do you get through those days? Between those times, i seem to get out my feelings by escaping away from my soon to be ex and daughter and drowning myself in music and journaling, sometimes having a drink or a few, getting out to the LGBT meetups...

    But I feel like I'm just going to crack sometimes through those days. Does anyone have similar experiences or feelings? What's are your strategies? How do you get through these times?
     
  2. angeluscrzy

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 9, 2015
    Messages:
    1,522
    Likes Received:
    31
    Location:
    Maryland
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I can relate to this, as I always feel quite broken. Without friends or anyone to really be out to, I live in my own head alot. I watch videos of 30 Seconds to Mars or Pearl Jam and just drift off in thoughts of how I want a guy like that. All these steps to take and too afraid/ not knowing exactly how I'm gonna reach that future that I truly desire.
     
  3. WarmEmbrace

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 30, 2016
    Messages:
    383
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Bucharest
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    I focus on being creative, or helpful, or just on work. In general on aspects of life that are the same regardless of gender or sexual orientation. Like jokes that anyone can appreciate :slight_smile:. Or pictures of cats! Or Owls. Or Cats with Owls! :slight_smile: . That gets me though the day :slight_smile:.

    :kiss:
     
  4. looking for me

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2014
    Messages:
    5,608
    Likes Received:
    53
    Location:
    on the Rock, Newfoundland and Labrador
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    on days when I feel like im 'going to crack' or am just having a rough day I try to meditate or I reach out to my support groups via face book for advise or simple comforting words. also, knowing that it's ok to have those days, and days where I need to be away from the day to day and the people day to day. self care is about taking time for yourself sometimes, so you don't crack, or lash out, or lash inwards.

    also, I plan. I plan my future, maybe several futures, that mental exercise and immersion provides both a possible path forward and a distraction from what ever is eating at me, be it work, queer issues, or life in general.

    I couldn't answer yesterday because I was having a rough day gender wise myself.

    hope this helps (*hug*)
     
  5. baristajedi

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 11, 2015
    Messages:
    4,079
    Likes Received:
    84
    Location:
    Edinburgh
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    (&&&) hugs angeluscrazy. What steps do you feel are next for you? What would you want to do to move forward?

    ---------- Post added 10th Jan 2017 at 01:10 AM ----------

    Thanks warmembrace, all of this is really helpful. I like the focus on humour especially. And I love cats and owls!

    ---------- Post added 10th Jan 2017 at 01:11 AM ----------

    Thanks warmembrace, all of this is really helpful. I like the focus on humour especially. And I love cats and owls!

    ---------- Post added 10th Jan 2017 at 01:16 AM ----------

    Thanks this all helps, and I really like the idea to plan for the future. I have to keep it all in perspective, my future is what I'm working for and it's closer than I think.

    How are you doing, friend? if you feel like sharing the stuff you were feeling, I'm here to listen. (*hug*)
     
  6. angeluscrzy

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 9, 2015
    Messages:
    1,522
    Likes Received:
    31
    Location:
    Maryland
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
     
  7. baristajedi

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 11, 2015
    Messages:
    4,079
    Likes Received:
    84
    Location:
    Edinburgh
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
     
  8. looking for me

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2014
    Messages:
    5,608
    Likes Received:
    53
    Location:
    on the Rock, Newfoundland and Labrador
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    every time I see the title of this thread, Freddy Mercury is in my head. and that's not a bad thing haha
     
  9. baristajedi

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 11, 2015
    Messages:
    4,079
    Likes Received:
    84
    Location:
    Edinburgh
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Ha ha I was listening to that song when I wrote this thread :icon_bigg

    I love Queen!
     
  10. looking for me

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2014
    Messages:
    5,608
    Likes Received:
    53
    Location:
    on the Rock, Newfoundland and Labrador
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    me too
     
  11. BrookeVL

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 1, 2016
    Messages:
    3,624
    Likes Received:
    33
    Location:
    Pennsylvania
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Breaking free sounds good!!!!
     
  12. baristajedi

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 11, 2015
    Messages:
    4,079
    Likes Received:
    84
    Location:
    Edinburgh
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    We're both getting there cluster!