i can relate to that feeling of “I will never be that”, so often have I felt like there is simply no point trying to present as something I will “never be”. It probably doesn’t help me that I don’t really care a lot for makeup, dresses, or gender roles that might normally be associated with the gender I identify most with (though I occasionally feel their draw). It isn’t those aspect of gender identity I seek. I don’t know exactly what it is I’m after - except to know that for most of my life, I have felt like a stranger within my own skin, and I want that to change. Truth be told I’d love to be ‘Tom-boy’ kind of woman. And I ask myself! “How is that really so different from what you are?” But it is - the part that is missing inside me tells me it is SO very different. I ask, “if you don’t want to wear makeup or wear dresses all the time, what exactly are you trying to change?”. And I guess I don’t know the answer to that, except to say, “I just want people to see me, and recognize me for what I am - not what I was assigned to be at birth”. I read part of a comment of support in another post it simply said “remember that you are valid!” I immediately burst into tears (as I just did again remembering it). And I think that’s it really … I just want to feel valid for who I feel I am. So here I am - all over the place. I’m trying my best to reconcile that I may never be who I wish I could be (exactly), but that I might just get closer to it. In some ways this feels like teasing myself with a treat I can never reach … but I know the time in my life has come to not give up on trying to achieve being my authentic self.
Hey @Unidentified! Welcome to EC! So, if I read your post correctly, it sounds like you want to be non-binary in the sense that you don't want to adhere to society's standard gender rules. That is a pretty clear path. But you also say in your profile that you wans to use the gender pronoun 'he', while at the same time writing in your post that you'd "love to be a 'Tom-boy' kind of woman." Your profile also says that you are "straight, but curious." It sounds to me like you are very uncertain of how you want to identify, but nothing that you are taling about is unusual in the LGBTQ community. Without knowing more about you, you seem to be floundering a but, at this point, you seem to be non-binary, but straight. Just very confused/uncertain. We can talk about that here on EC, if you want. But the main topic of your post seems to be that you want to feel validated. The two issues are not really separate, from my point of view. In order to be your authentic self, you must first understand your sexuality and gender identity (not always easy things). However, being "valid" is also closely tied to that. You don't actually need anyone else's approval to be valid once you understand and accept your own sexuality and gender identity. QR
