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I want to be out at college.

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by pallf, Jan 13, 2022.

  1. pallf

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    I was making progress with becoming more out, but then the pandemic hit and my safe places for being out were pared down. I'm continuing my education at University soon and I'm very scared of outing myself, but I really need to. I also want to try dating but I don't know if that's even a good thing right now with my not being fully out, and the pandemic.
     
  2. BiGemini87

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    Hello, @pallf! I don't know if you've discussed this prior, but some questions to consider:

    -When you say you need to come out, is it something you genuinely want to do, or do you feel obligated to?

    -Is your university open and welcoming to LGBT folk? Or before the pandemic came, did you know of any other LGBT folk in your classes? Or any folk that were very positive about the LGBT community in general?

    While it is possible to date prior to coming out, it is something that makes dating a lot harder and can sometimes put a strain in the relationship (especially when one individual is out, and the other not). So while I can understand your desire for companionship, it's probably best to come out first. This, however, doesn't mean you have to rush into doing so. Only come out if/when you're ready, and to those you're most comfortable coming out to. Not everyone needs to know, especially if they aren't in your social circle or if you have no designs on dating them.

    If/when you do come out, there's no right or wrong way to do it; take it slowly and as case-by-case as you like, or publicly announce it so that it reaches everyone at once, if that is what you prefer. Whatever choice you make, I hope it goes well. :slight_smile:
     
  3. bsg75apollo

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    I can remember quite clearly sitting in the quad at the activities fair my freshman year. The LGBT booth was right in my line of sight. I wanted so desperately to go to go over there, but I didn't. I was too scared. I wish I had. While I would encourage you to not be afraid and come out, only you know what is best for you and only you know your own time frame and there is no reason to rush through the steps like a to do checklist.
     
  4. Jakebusman

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    Our College had a LGBT group but never had the courage to go
     
  5. bsg75apollo

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    Off topic Jake, but I cant figure out how to respond to the conversation

    OP what is it that scares you?
     
  6. quebec

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    Pallf.....Almost all colleges and universities have LGBT Centers or something like that in the town/city itself where the school is located. Unless, of course it's a religious/church school and even some of them have them. I think your best shot is to get involved with an organization like that where you can meet people in a group setting. There is much less pressure when it's a group. I can remember the very first time that I ever sat in a group therapy session with six other gay guys. I had never been around more than one gay guy (my therapist) before and it was so weird to begin with...but amazingly...in only a very few minutes it was like I had known these guys for a very long time. We had so many things in common, that understanding each other was almost automatic. Of course I can't promise that will happen to you, but the chances are pretty good that you will find people that will understand and accept you in a setting like a LGBTQ etc., center/organization whether it's at the school or in the community. Give it a serious thought! :old_big_grin:
    .....David :gay_pride_flag: