Lately, I've just been feeling like shit. I've been feeling sick from nerves all the time and like vomiting, my vision's been blurry and I've had migraines from stress, my hands have been shaky basically all the time. I can't even think, I feel so sick all the time and I can't even sleep, I just have like these nightmares all the time and I just like...I don't want to sleep because then the next morning comes faster and I can't deal with it. I've just been such a bitch to everyone lately, I get so irritated and I pick fights with my friends because I want them to leave me alone. I don't want them to worry about me when I die. I don't know what I'm doing with my life and my lungs felt all tight like I can't breathe. I just feel like crying and half the time I don't even know why. I basically just sleep and that's it, I just want to sleep. I'm pretty I've put all the weight back on that I lost from my exercise. And I have been thinking about suicide and cutting, that's all I think about besides sleep. I mean, I've actually been researching suicide methods. I want to kill myself so badly. And I swear it's all I think about, I want to die. I feel like I need to be put in the hospital or on suicide watch because I want to cut myself badly. And I don't mean just to relieve some of my emotional pain either, I mean to end my life. I've been told that method is messy and painful but I don't care, I want it like that because I just can't stand living anymore and I know it's cliché but the blood reminds me I'm alive. And I'll attempt suicide if that's what it takes to be put under supervision. I need people who know what they're doing to help me because I'm so depressed that I can't even function and I just want to be someplace safe, where I don't need to worry about the outside world and I can't hurt myself. I need people to take me seriously unlike my counselor and my parents because this really does feel like the end of the road for me. I also want ECT because no medication is helping me and I just need something, I'm sick of feeling this way. I told my mom that I need to be taken to the hospital but she thinks I'm just a normal teenager so maybe I do need to try something. What do I do? I don't know what to do, I'm 17 so can't I consent to anything medical? Wouldn't it be my call to be placed under suicide watch and not my parents?
When did you last talk to your parents about it? Are you still at school is there someone there you can talk to? I don't know where you live so I don't know whether you would just be able to go to the hospital and check yourself in. What about a suicide helpline they may know the best way for you to get the help you need.
I don't know but they won't let me, I can see it already. I'm graduating in two days, so no. I talked to a suicide hotline the night before I posted this and they only really offered temporary solutions. It also sounded like they just tell everyone the same thing, tbh.
Well it's possible they only have limited resources. You could try a different one or try them again. Do you think if you wrote your parents a letter it might have more effect? Even though you are graduating in 2 days you should still be able to talk to people at school you are still technically a student.
I have been through everything you are going through friend so I will try to be there for you the best I can friend so feel free to (message) me my name full name is Desdemona.
You're doing the right thing asking for help. I hope you will be able to talk to MonaDancer this seems like a good idea. I also think that suicide hotlines might be able to help you, they'll know what to do depending of where you live and your situation, might be worth calling them again or calling another. You mentionned temporary solutions, I don't know what it is but are you sure you don't want to consider it ? Did they suggest a way to talk to your parents ?
Are you still receiving support from a counsellor? If you are, I would strongly advise you to tell them what you are telling us. Even if your parents don't take you seriously, a counsellor should pay attention to what you say, but you will need to be completely open and honest with them.
My counsellor is quitting so he's not taking any clients…I have an appointment to see a psychiatrist on the 4th of December. I cut myself tonight…I'm mostly cleaned up from everything now but I really wanted to keep going. To be honest, I wanted to die or rather, want to. I wanted to work my way up to my wrists but I'm scared because I don't want to cut a major vein…I don't know what I'm doing
@Spot Please don't hurt yourself. You need help now. If you're in the US, you can get free support over text 24/7. Here's their webpage. Please reach out to them. https://www.crisistextline.org/how-it-works
@Spot Ok. I've found an Australian text support line. https://www.lifeline.org.au/get-help/topics/lifeline-services Please reach out. You don't need to feel this way and you never know, talking to someone trained, even briefly, might make you feel a whole lot better.
Spot, do you have any way of contacting the psychiatric team ahead of your appointment to discuss what you are going through? I think it's really important because you are already in crisis. Even if they can't bring your appointment forward they may be able to put some holding support in place for you. Many people cut in order to cope and even though it's a destructive coping mechanism it does help to keep more dangerous feelings at bay, but I'm not really getting that from you. It seems that you are cutting and cutting and just want to carry on, so it's probably time to step back and ask yourself what the cutting is achieving now? If it's not helping you to cope what's the purpose to it? Please do not push the boundaries even further in an attempt to end it all or be hospitalised. It could go very badly wrong for you. Reach out for help and support from any source and be very honest about your feelings. If you hide or suppress anything, you will only lock yourself in this pattern of despair.
