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I want to be happy about being gay.

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by out2019, Nov 5, 2020.

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  1. Contented

    Contented
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    I think as many of us come to terms with the reality of being gay we attempt to hold on to our heterosexual ways because we are scared. No question it is tough to give up “ straight” privilege which is what you lose when you come out. We try to hold on and justify the remaining attraction to women as proof we are not gay. In my case it became harder and harder to hold on to it until finally I was mentally exhausted by the internal dialogue going on in my head about my “ changing” sexuality. I started to be consumed by the fantasy of not only a sexual relationship but a romantic , emotional one as well with another man. I was physically exhausted by trying so hard to be attracted to my then gf but that slowly became impossible. I wanted to be with a man in a relationship without a doubt. By that time I knew I had played out my string as a heterosexual male and it was time to admit to myself that despite my mental efforts to deny and delay the inevitable I was a gay man. Based on your prior posts I wonder if this what you are experiencing.
     
    #21 Contented, Nov 26, 2020
  2. out2019

    out2019
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    It's so interesting that you wrote this! I was literally, laying in bed exhausted the last few days - to the point where I literally thought I was sick. I was literally dragging myself out of bed about an hour ago, and a thought flashed in my head:

    You are gay! There is no question about it, there's no fighting it anymore you are gay! Those thoughts (the ones above) are just you trying to break through the shell of the old you!... I immediately felt a bust of energy and joy and literally feel like a different person!
     
    #22 out2019, Nov 27, 2020
  3. out2019

    out2019
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    The bogeyman is me. Not what others think, but the bogeyman i have created about what others think. It's a subtle but real difference.
     
    #23 out2019, Nov 27, 2020
    Last edited: Nov 27, 2020
  4. out2019

    out2019
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    I called an LGBT help line last night, for the first time it wasn't about being ashamed of being gay, I said I was happy about it but it feels a little overwhelming especially with covid and asked for some local resources and next steps.

    This morning I woke up happy and excited about my life! Also literally my physical surroundings in my apartment seem 'wrong' - like the old me - Like I am trying to hide behind something. I have a feeling like I want to connect with the gay community and of course start dating. Calling helped realize how comfortable I feel around other gay people.
     
    #24 out2019, Nov 28, 2020
  5. jessie19

    jessie19
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    Welcome to the new you and im glad they could help. we are here if you want to chat and get things off your chest, but hey, be proud of you and dont let anyone decide what you know is best for you
     
    #25 jessie19, Nov 29, 2020
    out2019 likes this.
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