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I want to be a "good" person living a "good" life.

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Nightlight, May 5, 2019.

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  1. Nightlight

    Nightlight
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    Recently, I'm getting hung up on meeting people of my "own kind". I've been trying to meet other (queer) people, only to realize they have their own group that I can't fit in unless they find me interesting. I've come to a realization that I need to work on myself to develop new relationships.

    I think too much about uncertainties in life, and things that I should be doing but somehow don't want to, or can't. I go outside to forget and maybe solve the problem. I try to socialize or take a walk in the forest. I try to go to as many queer events as I can attend, because my identity is one of my major things that I wish to be accepted by others.

    I can't seem to find the answer whatever I do. I feel like having meaningful social interaction would give me a clue. But, I'm finding out that I need to be more like "myself" to make such interactions happen.

    So it's like I have problem A. To solve A, I felt like I should have problem B solved firsthand. Ironically, A had to be solved first to solve B.

    (A)would mean "finding direction in life", and (B) would mean "having meaningful relationships". If that makes sense. Would appreciate any ideas.
     
    #1 Nightlight, May 5, 2019
  2. Shorthaul

    Shorthaul
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    So basically, you have the same problem everyone has.

    Being interesting to someone is really hard to pull off. Because what one person finds interesting, would bore or upset another person. Trying to please a large group of people is hard to do.

    My suggestion is worry less about being "interesting" and just go do things you enjoy. Everyone has hobbies or things they like doing, if you do what makes you happy you will eventually find people who enjoy the same things. Its been my experience that you find things faster when you aren't looking for them.
     
    #2 Shorthaul, May 5, 2019
    MOGUY, Drizzle and Nightlight like this.
  3. Rin311

    Rin311
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    I second Shorthaul's suggestion of hobbies/interests. Join a group, activity or club that does something you enjoy, whether it's music, hiking, art or anything else. It's easier to create relationships and friendships when you share interests, and I think it would also make the interaction easier for you - you'll be focused on sharing your interests/knowledge, rather than wondering whether you come off as "interesting" or not. I also think that once you stop worrying about that, you'll become calmer and more comfortable, which would make social interactions easier. Good luck and take care.
     
    #3 Rin311, May 7, 2019
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  4. Nightlight

    Nightlight
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    Actually, I was in a manga club in college. People I've met there were into different manga generes, and everyone seemed to know everyone. I walked away with one friend who is a pathological liar. I could give it a second go when I go back to school but.....

    I feel like at this rate, I'm going to end up with noone at my side. Unless I'm 100% sure that I wouldn't be bothering them in any way, I can't bring myself to start up a conversation with anyone. Especially when it's a group setting.
     
    #4 Nightlight, May 7, 2019
    Last edited: May 7, 2019
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