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I want this to be over

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Whiteguy12, Mar 8, 2018.

  1. Whiteguy12

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    I wrote a few times about my friend and my feelings for him. It ended with us having a falling out and I haven’t talked to him in 6 months. We met only once so I can return a game he left at my house. We apologized to each other that day and he said he would see me soon. That was three months ago.

    Everyday I’ve been trying to get over him. I had stronger feelings for him than I thought. I still think about him all the time. I did get better at hiding it from myself. I keep telling myself that the fact he has never texted after apologizing meant he doesn’t care about me. We were best friends one day and the next we were nothing. We fought over literally nothing. Even he admitted it was nothing and it was his fault. The whole thing still haunts me everyday.

    This past week, his sister added me on social media. Me and her are also friends. She admitted her brother was being “stupid” about it. She was happy me and him apologized to each other but it was left at that.

    Now that she added me, she sends me videos and pictures of him. All of yesterday was about him. It made all my feelings come rushing back. Seeing him is making it hard to get over him. I don’t know what to do. Should i just delete her or tell her that those videos are hurting me? Should I tell her that it feels like they are constant reminders we aren’t best friends anymore? I want to get over him and I’m having a hard time. I need advice on what to do so I can move on. I had hope that me and him would become friends again but I don’t want that hope anymore. That hope is killing me and now I have it thrown in my face by his sister. It’s not her fault, just I hate feeling like this. What do I do?
     
  2. Gravity

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    I think it would be entirely appropriate to tell his sister that sending these videos and pictures stirs up painful memories for you - even if that's not how she intended it - and that you'd like her to stop. If she stops, then great - but if she doesn't, unfollowing her on the site would be best for your own benefit.
     
  3. resu

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    Yes, it would be best to tell her first you still are dealing with feelings for him and you don't want reminders and then unfriend if she doesn't stop.
     
  4. resu

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    More broadly, would you still want to be friends with him even if he wasn't romantically interested? You may still have to spend more time away from him to get over your feelings, but his sister may become a bridge for you to reconcile your differences.
     
  5. Whiteguy12

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    Thank you. I just need to accept that he owns me and controls me. Owning that is making this less painful. He broke my heart and I let him get to me. He can control me but he’s not in my life so he can’t do it anymore. He is the only person that can so I have to take that as a win. I tried to mash it down and convince myself that I’m over him but I’m not. Lying to myself is what made it hard in the first place. Now I can see pics and videos without feeling like my heart is breaking. It still hurts but accepting his power over me helps me control it.
     
  6. resu

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    Try not to be fatalistic. He does not control you unless you give him (or your idea of him) that power. Just because he's not interested doesn't mean he was malicious, and don't idolize him as the only one who can have such an effect on you. It's too bad he doesn't want to be friends, but not all friendships last forever.