This post is sort of an update of my experiences since coming out to my wife. She allowed me to see another man (much younger than I) and it turned out to be a marvelous experience. I liked him a lot, a bit on the needy side but a genuine sweet guy. We forged a sexual relationship quickly, got tested for everything, then had bareback sex. It was amazing and so natural. But our dates were really hard on my wife - a lot of stress. There were other intervening issues that complicated our lives at the time as we were selling our house and I was actively seeking living in Thailand. Well, in late September my world came crashing down and I attempted suicide via CO2 poisoning. I came very close to expiring but I fell short and ended up in lock-down for 12 days. I know I suffer from a rather extreme case of bi-polar disease heap on Adult ADD and life becomes challenging, even with great doctors. What ensued after my return was a radical med adjustment and months of feeling not well. In January my spouse and I took a month long holiday and ended up having sex on a number of occasions but, once we got back home I have found it nearly impossible to spark any libido except for a couple of occasions and was just not interested nor erect. Neither of us are working at present and of course that's a strain but fortunately we saved a lot when we both had high paying careers. I suppose I could seek a divorce and a split of our saving which will allow me to retire to Thailand as I had originally planned. She's been an amazing wife with great patience and understanding and I think it is both bad to leave her considering all that she has done for me and bad to me to stay and not live as a gay man with unremorseful relationships. Does this make sense?
Yours is a very hard situation. I can not tell you what you must choose, but in the end you owe it to yourself to be honest with your wife and with yourself. It is good that you do not want to hurt your wife who has been patient and understanding but it must be an impossible strain upon you both. Your wife can not move on and find happiness for herself while she remains tied to you and you can not find happiness while tied to her. If you want to find your own happiness then you must make the hard choice to end the marriage and find a new life. Good luck in making a choice
if the both of you want to remain in a destructive relationship then it is your choice, then just leave innocent souls out of it, yet again those who get involved with married people probably want to play the masochist and know what they are getting themselves into, and it is true on the other side too - that married couples who forge adulterous relationships outside of the marriage know what they are getting themselves into as well messing with other people's lives, maybe the only question you should ask yourselves is whether you can live with yourselves doing what you do while attached to someone else. as for your wife she has free will to stay or go, and if she stays then she likes getting "abused" like this - if you can call it "abuse"... and if she gave consent in the first place then it means she did not care in the first place to share you or having you shared, so she cannot complain now or place all the blame for your "failed" relationship on you alone.
