I wanna go to a gay sauna!

Well, I'd really ask yourself "why do I want to go?" I say that because if you want to go because your self confidence is low and stuff, I would probably not go. I would be afraid it could really blow up in your face.

Also, going alone seems a bit scary to me. Could you ever go with a little group, possibly from your LGBT group?

I, by no means, have problems with actually going. I think that, too often, we try to preach about how bad something is without actually looking at how it might be possible to make something safe.
Is it safe? I don't really think it's the best thing ever, but if you can go and prepare yourself and be safe, then maybe it's ok!

 

Heh i've always wanted to go to one just for the openess of it all. I think I get what you mean exactly

 

From what I've heard about gay saunas...they sound disgusting and horrible and I'm not sure why anyone would want to go to one unless you're just mindlessly horny and want to risk getting diseases from random sex with strangers.

Also, in the modern era, with increased acceptance of gays in the mainstream, as well as the dawn of internet dating sites and hookup apps and all that...I've heard that the only people who go to gay bathhouses are old fat hairy creeps.

 

And some guys go there to take advantage of people and force people into sexual situations with them even if they didn't want to have sex.

 

I say go! I've never been to a bathhouse, but if the idea sounds fun and exciting to you, I say go! I can't believe how judgemental some of the people posting in this thread are.. If you are not planning on having sex, or are having safe sex, the liklihood of getting a disease is low.

I also highly doubt you'll be forced into having sex. First off, if there were routine rape happening at these locations, I think more people would know about it, and second, there are a bunch of guys there who are willing..

I do think the chances of it being populated by unattractive older men are pretty high though..

---------- Post added 24th May 2013 at 02:35 PM ----------

and about online dating: it only sucks until you find someone awesome on there. I say don't give up on it yet.

 

I honestly think you should give this place a shot. Like you said, you know your limits, and you won't be forced to do anything that you don't want to do. I like the whole openness about it as well, and I agree that just because they may have bad histories or implications, doesn't mean that they're all bad. You'll get experience of it, and who knows, you may even find someone there, but if not you can at least have a good time if you want to.

 

How would anyone know what was going on in that kind of secretive environment? Rape is already a severely underreported crime among women, with men it's even more likely to just be covered up and ignored. And here we're talking about an environment with a bunch of horny guys in bathtowels in a dark and private atmosphere that's pretty much designed to be conducive to free and loose sex.

And I'm not just talking about forcible rape (though I'm sure that happens more often than you'd think), I'm talking about older predatory men looking to get their rocks off taking advantage of naïve and vulnerable younger guys with self-esteem issues going alone on their first time to the bathhouse. The OP has said that the reason he wants to go is because of low self-confidence, which sounds like a recipe for disaster. Having a guy toy with him and use him just to get an orgasm is not going to improve his self-confidence.

The whole point of these places is to have random sex.

Look at the very first opening sentence of the Wikipedia article, for heavens sake:

Gay bathhouse - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Especially as gay culture has come out of the closet, and loving gay relationships are increasingly accepted out on the public streets, the old seedy underworld side of gay culture has gotten more seedy, more underworld, and more unnecessary than ever.

 

Well if you're looking to find a nice and decent gay guy, I just don't think a gay sauna is going to be the place to do it...if you're going there for any reason other than quickie sex with no strings attached, you're probably going to end up disappointed.

 

I live VERY close to a popular gay sauna.

I can confirm 100% that the only people I ever see going in or out fit that demographic.

I don't understand the appeal of them. It's like going to a local toilet, but without the smells and some porn playing in the background. Not my kinda thing at all.

 

Hmm. I'm not sure from your post if you're looking to meet someone with the potential of a relationship, or looking for a safe way to have sex with a guy with some potential or just a safe hookup.

If the last two options are closer to what you are looking for, you might consider a jack off club. JO Clubs developed as a way of engaging in sex play in a manner explicitly safer than the bathhouses and such. The basic rule is no anal, no oral, and possibly various others (which should be explained to you beforehand). Basically a bunch of guys get together naked in a room and masturbate together, with the option of helping each other out being always there.

The larger clubs have their own webpages (and coffee mugs, T-shirts, and bowling teams for all I know) and apparently meet in gay bars or the like afterhours or something. Smaller ones may meet in members homes or in other space arranged by 'the management'. As with anything you would need to do some research, probably talk to the folks in charge, and ultimately decide if you feel comfortable with trying this based on your feelings and the general 'vibe' of the organization that you may pick up.

A bit of googling should provide you with additional information on the basic idea, the major clubs, and possibly some idea if any are in your area.

Never been to one, but they can sound intriguing and may better fit what you're looking for with an added safety factor.

Hope this helps,

Todd

 

I'm pretty neutral when it comes to gay saunas and bathhouses. I think as long as everybody's clear on what goes on there, then there's no harm no foul in going. As I said in your other thread, most of the guys in gay saunas (at least in America) tend to be older and rounder. If that applies to where you are as well, you'll probably be somewhat popular there, by the sheer fact that you're younger and slimmer. But then again, perhaps they won't be interested in somebody younger. So let's consider those two options really quick.

Let's say there's a bunch of guys there, and they're all older, rounder, hairier, and (presumably) not all that attractive. (I dunno - maybe you're cool with older, rounder, hairier guys, but most guys your age aren't.) Now picture some of them approaching you. And generally, the approaching isn't subtle. Many of the towels will be over their shoulders, not around their waists. Some of them may be masturbating when they walk up to you. Some might call you over while they're sitting masturbating. Some might try to cop a feel. At most gay saunas, this is all more or less expected and accepted behavior. If you turn them down, they're supposed to leave you alone, but you may have to expect that sort of behavior up until then. Would you find this sort of thing "empowering"? Exciting? Even if you turn them all down? Even if it's simply because "I'm the only one here under 40"?

Or let's say the opposite happens. Nobody really gives you much of an eye. They don't look disgusted at you or anything, but their eyes are all elsewhere. They glance you over, then look away to somebody else they find more appealing. Would you find that damaging? Would you wonder "what's wrong with me"? Would you leave feeling more hurt than you did going in? Or say you decide to work up your nerve and hit on somebody. If he turns you down (or insists on only doing something sexually that really turns you off), could you accept that gracefully?

It's very easy to get caught up in thinking how-things-will-be, and to start assuming things will always work out in your favor. I know a lot of guys who went to a gay bar for the first time thinking they could walk in, sit in the corner quietly, and have all the hot guys (and none of the plain or creepy ones) walk over and hit on them. And instead, they simply sat there for an hour with nobody coming over. Or maybe that really creepy guy who immediately suggested going back to his place. And they walked out thinking "Gay clubs are terrible" or "All gay guys are stuck-up". And I'm just a bit concerned that you might walk out feeling the same way. The other guys at the sauna didn't swing by to bolster your self-esteem. They went because they're horny. And as long as you can accept that, and not take anything personal that happens there, you'll be OK.

If you do decide to go, let me tick off the important stuff.

* Never feel pressured to do ANYTHING you don't want to. Ever.

* Be polite to everybody who makes a move on you. After all, you don't want to damage their self-esteem, either.

* A pleasant "No thanks" should stop any guy from making a move. If it doesn't, ramp it up quickly. Growl "I said NO", and if it continues, go find a staff member.

* If you do decide to give a guy a go, talk about what you want to do beforehand. If he suggests doing anything you don't want to do, say so specifically. "I'd rather not do that."

* If it proceeds to anal - condoms, lube, always. They should be available there. If they're not, you're not doing anal - period.

* Have fun, damnit.

Lex

 

Perhaps a good starting point when considering this issue is to back up and ask yourself just what the end goal is. Are you looking for a hookup? For other gay people to talk to (with or without the potential for dating or a relationship in the future)? Something else?

A basic principle that I learned is that when considering any project, you should start with the end in mind. So what is the desired end state that you are wanting here that you think a visit to a gay sauna or equivalent might help you achieve?

From that desired end state, it may be easier to consider possible paths to achieving it, whether via a sauna/bathhouse or something else.

Todd