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I told my brother, it didn't go well

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by DainTea, Apr 16, 2021.

  1. DainTea

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Sweden
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    A few people
    After months of internal struggles, I told my mother this February about my feelings - that I was uncomfortable in my gender and body, and that I wished to transition (FtM). She took it alright, albeit very shocked and not quite sure what to think of it, but was very clear that she would always support me and love me no matter what, and that she just wanted me to be happy. I got an appointment to the sexologist coming up in May, and I've felt very happy about it up until this afternoon.

    Today, I decided to tell my younger brother as well. Unfortunately he did not take it that well. At first, there was straight up denial, before he went into a quite awful panic attack. He has always had problems with change and me expressing these feelings were just pure chaos to him. I spent an hour and a half just to calm him down so that he would not pass out (his fingers and toes started going numb at one point), and 4 hours after I brought it up he were so mentally and emotionally drained that he had to go to bed.

    It hurts so incredibly much, because he expressed the conflicting emotions he felt about it - wanting to love and support me, but also being absolutely horrified about - as he put it - "losing his sister". I don't want to be a reason for hurt and pain to neither him nor mom, but I know that going through with this transition I will bring such.

    I wanted to call it quits. I wanted to reverse the tape and I wished that I had never explored my feelings or told anyone about them. I wished that I would have just lived my life in the same bubble I lived in for years on end, and I wished I had never hurt them, or anybody else that might get hurt in the future. But I just... cannot keep living like this. It is slowly draining me of every ounce of energy I have, and I know that the same thoughts and emotions will always remain, no matter how much I've tried to quiet them down for soon two decades.

    In short, I am very stressed out at the moment and I cannot for the life of me figure out what to do in order to calm my brother down, to tell him that I will still be his older sibling and still the same person - because in his mind, I could just as well be dead and replaced with someone else, since he can't grasp it (the same goes for mom honestly).
     
  2. QuietPeace

    Full Member

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    I am sorry that things went that way. I know what it is like to have people try to make living live as my true self out to be something that in some way harms them.

    Remember, he never had a sister. Only a brother who was forced by family and society to pretend to be a girl.

    You are not doing anything wrong or harmful. If they choose to be hurt by you being your true self it is entirely upon them and in fact is them causing harm to you.

    Please do not do this. I was shoved back into the closet and convinced to pretend that I was a guy for years and it did nothing but harm everyone involved.

    Keep this in mind and do tell him because this is the truth.

    I have found that it is best to live my own truth and I hope that you are also able to do so.
     
  3. Katelyn93

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Pretoria, South-Africa
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    All but family
    I'm so sorry for what you're going through. It's tough knowing that the ones you care about are impacted by the choices we make and actions we take, even if by choosing to make it a problem themselves. Unfortunately a lot of people like the idea of stability, of things staying the same and thus in control. Change can be a big disturbance of the peace but only at the onset. Give them a chance, the same opportunity you had to accept yourself which takes time and patience, give yourself time too, don't let the bad reaction control your actions and emotions. Most importantly you might have to make peace with them never comings around and having to be happy for yourself. It's your life and your journey. I'm sure that they will come around when your true self becomes the new normal though. Good luck to you my guy, I'll be holding thumbs that it gets better with time. Stay strong kay.