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I think my teacher knows I'm lesbian..

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Sparky2002, Nov 21, 2020.

  1. Sparky2002

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    So me and my bi friend (let's call her X) have been chatting a lot of Google Chat during remote school. Mostly after school is over, but sometimes during the Zooms as well. (And yes, I know I should paying attention, but I do mostly) Anyway, I came out to her in August and she was actually the second person I told. About 2 weeks after, she told me she felt like she was bi but she hasn't told anyone. So, we both deal with similar things being LGBTQ in high school and we both don't know anyone else who is LGBTQ of our friends, so we talk a lot and over quarantine we have gotten really close. Anyway, we talked about the deepest stuff on Google Chat, like how my dad is pretending to be okay with me being lesbian, but I overheard him say that he thought I was "faking it." Overall, we were just saying super deep stuff that you really don't want anyone you're not close to knowing. After about 3 weeks of this, I realized we were doing this on our school Google accounts. Now, I wasn't 100% sure if they could even see gChats, but last week we were in person and X saw our homeroom teacher's computer and she was looking at our chats!! So, this is VERY bad and the rest of the day I'm in school and I'm trying to act normal, but of course that fails. The remaining 4 hours of the day I spend running around with groups of people so my teacher doesn't try to talk to me alone and not focusing on anything. Now my history with my homeroom is not great. Basically, I always get straight As but I'm super disorganized and a HORRIBLE liar. So at the beginning of the year, I misplaced a homework, was unmuted and the whole class heard me texting, and a few other incidents happened. My teacher then thought I was a horrible troublemaker (I'm like the opposite) and I was really annoyed because she emailed my parents. So I wrote a note to my other friend calling my teacher "ducking annoying and rude" (yes I literally wrote ducking) and saying that I hated her. But then I decided against sending it and meant to throw it out and forgot. I didn't know that two days later, she was moving the desks around and had to clean out the desks to do so. Of course, she saw the note and approached me. Since then, nothing else horrible has happened until now but still, not a great start. So anyway, now this teacher who I kind of hate and who hates me now knows my biggest secret and that I'm kind of depressed. She didn't directly ask me about it in the conference but it was obvious she knew and it was super awkward. Anyway, I know there's nothing I can do, especially because I DO NOT want to talk to her about it, but do you think that she will bring it up in an email to my parents? I go to a very liberal school with liberal teachers and there's no way she would be discriminatory towards me or anything, but I could see her emailing my parents that I was saying to my friend that my dad thought I was faking it, especially because in the past she emailed my parents over very silly things. I don't know, my dad would get so mad at me because he thinks it's really personal and I just want to know, what are the chances my teacher will tell and is there anything I can do to prepare for it if it does happen?
     
  2. QuietPeace

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    Reviewing what you do and say during class is part of her job, she was most likely more motivated about trying to see if anyone has extra questions that need to be answered or addressed.

    Did she actually say that she thinks that you are a troublemaker? I think that it is more likely that she was bringing up your organizational habits with your parents in an attempt to see if there were ways to help you improve your study habits, which is her job.

    First just as an aside and not as victim blaming but as advice not just to you but to anyone, if you ever write anything down that you do not want to be spread make sure that you destroy it if it is not sent to the intended person. Better yet, if you are scared of someone finding out, never write it down (on paper or electronically).

    I doubt that she hates you. Every parent and adult who is in charge of younger people has been told something resembling "I hate you". Only those who should not be in a position of authority ever hold it against the person saying it at us. She is more likely just concerned if you are showing signs of being depressed and will want to try to do something that would help.

    As I said above she is probably concerned and if so then yes she might very well (and she should) contact your parents about it. I think that it is likely (though not certain) that if she does she will address any problems that you have with school and possibly your mood and ways that it might be addressed. This is her job. She will probably only add anything about your orientation if the things that she has found out seem to indicate that your concerns over your orientation are what are driving your depression or your problems with your school work/behavior.
     
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  3. Lemony

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    I know the feeling having a teacher that is completely awful and pretty much a bully. I would sit down with your Dad if you feel comfortable and just maybe ask him what he thinks about your orientation. Explain that it’s been tough figuring it all out but it’s how you feel and you want to feel like he excepts you. Maybe have your Mum there for support. Is there an LGBTQ+ support group at school? It’s going to be okay and you’re probably getting sick of hearing it but it’s true. I don’t think it’s right for your teacher to be emailing your Dad about a private conversation you had without your permission unless she felt like your safety was at risk. Please update us if you can what is going on. Thanks for the follow back and I love the dog on your profile pic.
     
  4. LostInDaydreams

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    I used to be a teacher and I taught 11 to 16 year olds, so your age range. You go into to teach to help people reach their full potential and develop into wonderful young adults. I very much doubt that she hates you. She probably only wants what is best for you (and all the young people that she teaches).

    I would be surprised if she has referred to you as a “troublemaker”, and if she has, then she shouldn’t have done. From what you’ve said, I doubt you would be considered as somebody with known behaviour issues. Most students slip up somewhere at some point during their time at school and it’s usually something that is forgotten about by the next lesson. If it became persistent, then it would be a little bit different, even if it seems like relatively small things.

    The email home was probably sent out of concern, particularly if those few incidents were out of character for you. When that happens it can sometimes be an indication of something not being quite right, such as a family member being ill, so it’s usually worth an email home to check. I don’t think that it was unreasonable or unjustified, given that you’ve admitted that there were a few incidents.

    Again, your note was probably also raised out of concern and also because it’s not appropriate behaviour towards anyone to write such notes. Did she tell you that she was going to email home? If you had a discussion about it, then that would have been your opportunity to bring up anything that you didn’t understand or felt was unjustified.

    Out of interest, were you doing your school work from home at some point due to the pandemic and does that coincide with when the emails home were sent? If so,I can understand the need for more communication with home when students are all working from home.

    As @QuietPeace says, unless she is concerned about the content of what you have written then I don’t see why she would need to tell your parents. If you’ve been using the chat when you should have been working, then I can see why she might inform them of that, but content itself wouldn’t be relevant. If you are worried, could you apologise to her for using the chat when you should not have been (I know it wasn’t in lesson every time) and ask whether she intends to share the content with your parents?
     
    HM03, BiGemini87 and QuietPeace like this.