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I think I'm turning a corner?

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by RJay, Aug 29, 2017.

  1. Moonsparkle

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    @Really -ummm...okay.... clearly bullet dodged by not taking your Mom's stellar style advice.:thinking:

    I don't think it happens frequently that a woman walks into the salon and says, 'See the picture of this dog, I want my hair that color.'
    And, it doesn't happen for a reason.
     
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  2. Really

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    Haha. It was a beautiful colour, though. ;}
     
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  3. Soundofmusic

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    hahahah this is amazing
     
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  4. Orchidea123

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    Haha I cut my own hair too (whew! not the only one)
    That is the only way for me to get that long wavy whispy look. Salons screw it up all the time.

    Few years ago boys used to wear longish cuts and I did it for my son too. He hated the long process (the sit still part) but loved the result.
     
    #944 Orchidea123, Sep 15, 2017
    Last edited: Sep 15, 2017
  5. NeonSocks

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    My parent's are wonderful, supportive people so I have been very lucky. But bless my Grandma she has never been the most subtle with her commentary of the way I look and the way I have chosen to live my life. (If only she knew the full story!)

    Among my favorites: The only picture she will display of me is one from when I was four because, "your hair covered your ears in that one and, honey you have such big ears." When discussing my job- "Your cousins are doing such wonderful things and all getting married, but that's ok honey (tapping my knee) you seem nice." And whenever my partner is around- "do you like her hair short? I can't decide if I like her hair short? But I didn't like it before either."

    Family can be a challenge. :slight_smile:
     
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  6. Soundofmusic

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    Yikes. Well, my grandma is a nightmare. Bless her, I love her, but she constantly reiterates that when women are single at my age, its really frowned upon and sad. Plus, ever since I can remember she's commented on my weight. She used to cut out articles on weight loss form the newspaper and mail them to me when I was in college. eek
     
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  7. silverhalo

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    Thank you. I'm still alive.
     
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  8. Rana

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    I haven't told either of my parents but it won't be pretty when I do. We're talking extreme homophobia here. I can tell you now that they'll think I'm not psychologically well or something. They absolutely won't accept my sexual orientation as a "real" thing...they will totally want to "fix" me. I'm dreading the horror of all of it now.
     
  9. I am here

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    Jumping in on this thread after reading the entirety. You ladies kill me, so funny!

    I'm really lucky, i told my mum after my husband and i separated that i liked women too. Just super casual, like "you know I'm not straight, right?". And she was just like "you know, I've always had a feeling you weren't, that's cool". And that was that. From that point on, any discussions about future relationships, or partners, she has always spoke of both males and females. I even told her about my catalyst, who she knows a little and it's great to have someone to talk to. She's met my new partner, and after been with a man for 12 years, has just embraced the fact I'm with a woman now. I truly am lucky.

    My mum did however scar me for life with my hair when i was younger. Whenever she put it up in a ponytail, she'd always pull out a few wispy bits "to soften my face", i guess so the ponytail wasn't so harsh but as an adult, i still to this day do it Because in my childlike head, i translated it to me having an egghead and needing to not look so harsh. I rarely wear my hair up to this day, and if i do, the wispy bits get pulled out haha.
     
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  10. junebug99

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    My ears stick out too. And I had long hair for years. Since I cut it short I've gotten more compliments. I think I look better. Ears and all. Maybe one day I'll post my picture.
     
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  11. 0617

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    Ladies! Thank God it's Friday! How was everyone's week?

    Silverhalo - Congrats on the new job! Best of luck!

    On the family side, I've really thought a lot about telling my mom outright - "Yo I'm gay!" but I hesitate because I don't know if it really matters that much to me at this time? Maybe I'm just making excuses. To be honest, I think Mom pretty much knows this already, in fact I'm almost positive she does, but I'm afraid if I just outright verbalize it then that gives her control or ownership over that part of my life? Yes, I know that's weird. It's always just been my mom and I. She depends on me for a lot, there's probably some codependency issues there too, but I have always felt guilty hence I stay here. It kind of feels like this part of my life is mine fully and I can shape it how I want. I don't have to color it based on her response or fears. I've always been sensitive to how she "wants" things and tend to bend toward her will (guilt can be a bitch) even if it was intended to be positive. It also doesn't hurt that there is like zero chance of lesbian dating in my horribly small bible belt town, but that's another story. But then again I have wrongly predicted my mom's reactions before so....

    RJay - Update!!!?? Did you go to the PAR - TAY?!!
     
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  12. RJay

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    Yes. I went to the "meetup" with the "support group". Let's just say, one of the women was very supportive. I gotta get some sleep. More tomorrow. OMG.
     
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  13. beenthrdonetht

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    OMG, I must be one of the first people to read this. I feel like Galileo seeing the stars! Now how will I sleep?
     
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  14. Bouldghirl

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    Because of the time difference I've just woken up to your post. OMG!! This is going to be good. When you are awake you do realise that we require all the juicy gossip (we might settle for highlights but we will be devastated).
     
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  15. silverhalo

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    By sleep you do mean sleep right???
     
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  16. Lego

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    RJay!!

    <pulls up comfy chair awaiting RJay to sleep and wake up and tell us everything before breakfast>
     
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  17. Lego

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    Rana I'm so sorry your parents are like that. I really don't know if we always need to tell parents to be authentic, or if you just do what is right for you. This is about you not them, if that makes sense, and it really shouldnt fall on you to deal with their adjustment problems/outright prejudice/worse. Urh.
    I don't really know anything about this, my only experience is my cousin who came out a long time ago and is now super happy and living on the other side of the world but the family fallout from that was huge for a while. They were asking me what they should think of it & I remember our very conservative grandmother refused to leave the house and was seriously overdramatic and I just told them to think it was really great that he felt able to tell them. They muttered something about how wonderful they were to him but they did calm down and get over it and became very proud of the fact he told them early on.
    V different to your situation but try to separate it from you living your life authentically as a whole person, it sounds very difficult but it would be awful if family affected that and how you are feeling right now
     
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  18. Moonsparkle

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    Your mom sounds like the coolest! I am sure my mom (who knows) will NEVER one day say to me, 'you know I rethought how mean, crappy etc I was when I found out you were a lesbian. It was ridiculous and awful of me. Anyway, I've come to my senses and am totally cool with it, just be happy!'

    She could REALLY take some lessons from YOUR mom!

    Oh my! How our mom's scarred us in our childhood around hair. From covering the chicken pox holes on the forehead with bangs, to 'softening' the face with wispy strands!! And STILL we subscribe to these hair rules!

    Wait! I notice you are in Ohio. In speaking with my lesbian friend --(out for decades) who HATES all lesbian bars, she said there was only ONE lesbian bar that was completely awesome/comfortable/fun/non-meat market that she loved! And that was in OHIO! (we live in the Northeast).

    Soooo---apparently in all her years of lesbian bar experience the ONE cool one she found was in your state!!! So the chance of meeting a someone may be closer than you think. (Hint: The bar begins with an 'L' and is a three syllable woman's name :wink: )

    @RJay -It's 6:18 AM--WAKE UP! We're all waiting! :slight_smile:
     
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  19. leb10

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    Eagerly anticipating RJay's update!
     
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  20. silverhalo

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    I don't think we have to tell our parents, depending on how much they are involved in our lives. It's very true that we have to do what is right for us as an individual there is no one right way fits all. I'm incredibly lucky but my parents are super accepting so it wasn't really an issue.
    I think sometimes people chose to tell their parents despite the fact they know it might not sit well because they feel as though want to be honest and that any problem the parents have is theirs alone. It's like I am telling you because I do not feel a need to hide it, you can accept it, hate it, or do what you like with it that is your choice but I am not carrying it with me.
     
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